I got diagnosed with hiv in december, and i started treatment in january. Im currently undetectable but my mental health has slipped into a downward spiral. I dont feel comfortable telling anyone, and on my days off i think about how ashamed and embarrassed I am that i let myself become infected. I feel so disgusting and dirty, and doubt anyone will wanna date me with my status. I hate that i have to hide it from everyone, and taking my meds at the same time each day can be a real struggle. I dont see there ever being a cure for this, as there still isnt one 30 years later. I feel angry at myself for allowing myself to become infected, and i know i only have myself to blame.
Please don't feel like you have to hide it. HIV knowledge is becoming more widespread and plenty of people know that if you take the meds you're basically totally healthy and happy. It's not something to be ashamed of.
I think you should speak to your GP about getting some help for your mental health. You can speak to people who can help you enormously. I also recommend the Samaritans or, if you feel like you may hurt yourself, please call 999. You aren't alone, you aren't to blame, and you have so much potential in your life.