University is destroying my whole life Watch

sebastian_kun_
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I've always been a smart kid, I didn't have any friends or did any sport, i couldn't do much besides studying, so of course my whole life has revolved around studying. I suffered from depression and almost lost a year but i managed to pass high school and get enrolled in Politecnico di Torino, one of the best universities for engineering; I am still sure this is what I want to do because I understand the subjects and I love them, and I'm sure this is the right major, but since last year I've failed almost every exam, I've had so much mental problems and a panic attack almost every day. I've had a period in which every single thing is going bad, I have an extreme phobia of losing my two only friends, so instead of studying I usually hang out with them because I'm so terrified that if I say no they will replace me, and then I don't do enough exercises so at the exam I seem to be able to solve them, but then it's all wrong and I keep being rejectedI don't know how to tell my parents I failed again, I feel like a failure and a burden to everyone, and my self esteem has never been that low. I hate myself so much, both inside and outside, I feel I'm just stupid
Last edited by Interrobang; 1 week ago
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cam777
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Sounds like your friends are causing you a lot of anxiety. Something that would really help you, and also bring you closer to your friends, is if you have this conversation with them. They would probably be pretty distressed if they knew you were worried about being replaced because you wanted to study. Even without knowing you or your friends, it seems really unlikely that this is the case. Another way you could look at it (and I hope this doesn't come across as being cold, it isn't meant to), do you think you're so amazing that unless they get to spend all of their time with you they will have to try to fill the void? I am sure they have enough space in their lives to hang out with you, even if it is less often because you are studying. It's best to face these things head-on and then you have nothing to worry about. Most things we worry about are things that are likely to never happen so if you put it to the test then there's nothing to worry about any longer. You'll have less pressure, less anxiety, more focus and the result of this is that your grades improve, proving to yourself that you're not stupid and never having to tell anybody about a failed test again. Be brave and reap the rewards.
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