I dont like the idea of having a baby making someone a 'better person'

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curious312
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So I have heard this a lot but since going through some experiences it made me realise that by one saying that isn't it implying that they were a bad or less of a good person before being a parent ?. I am assuming they become a better person by becoming more generous and kind and putting their child in certain situations and therefore realising that they wont treat someone in a certain way because they wouldn't like their child to be treated like that. Am I right?

If that is the case then I think people should be kind regardless if they have a child or not. We should all be kind and respect one another

The reason why this makes me upset is because I know how it to be mistreated by people and im sure if they were to have kids they would never want someone to speak to their child like that so why should they speak to someone elses child (myself) like that. I have always been a kind person and when I do have kids ill still be the same. I read about a woman who was a mother and she was on a plane with a crying baby and she was not angry . But she said if this was the case before having a child she would've been 'livid'..... you should always be understanding regardless if youre a mother or not
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Obolinda
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agree. kindness and generosity aren't something exclusive to parent-offspring
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sinfonietta
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It's not about kindness. It's more to do with having a child changing your perspective.
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ImAGiraffe
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(Original post by curious312)
So I have heard this a lot but since going through some experiences it made me realise that by one saying that isn't it implying that they were a bad or less of a good person before being a parent ?. I am assuming they become a better person by becoming more generous and kind and putting their child in certain situations and therefore realising that they wont treat someone in a certain way because they wouldn't like their child to be treated like that. Am I right?

If that is the case then I think people should be kind regardless if they have a child or not. We should all be kind and respect one another
Oh I know this far too well, when i tell people I don't want kids I get called selfish and miserable. But I do have nieces and nephews who are obsessed with me so I can't be that cruel. Honestly kids are alright when you can give them back at the end of the day. And similarly there are awful parents who abuse their kids and are just genuinely ****ty people. Kids change a lot of things, but it certainly doesn't determine whether or not a person is kind. You're right, we should all just be respectful regardless of our parental status
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nexttime
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I don't know what you mean. Never heard of that.

The exception being family members who want you to have a child so that they are happy their 'line is being continued'. They're just apes driven by instinct - that's natural try not to blame them.

I suspect you're just coming across people relaying how their experience has changed them. If they hadn't had children they'd say 'when I was younger I was so impatient', but because they've had children and children are such a huge huge undertaking, they tend to think that their development is due to the thing they spend 16+ hours doing Every. Single. Day. for 20+ years.. rather than just age.
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curious312
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
It's not about kindness. It's more to do with having a child changing your perspective.
For example ?
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curious312
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(Original post by nexttime)
I don't know what you mean. Never heard of that.

The exception being family members who want you to have a child so that they are happy their 'line is being continued'. They're just apes driven by instinct - that's natural try not to blame them.

I suspect you're just coming across people relaying how their experience has changed them. If they hadn't had children they'd say 'when I was younger I was so impatient', but because they've had children and children are such a huge huge undertaking, they tend to think that their development is due to the thing they spend 16+ hours doing Every. Single. Day. for 20+ years.. rather than just age.
You dont make any sense
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nexttime
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(Original post by curious312)
You dont make any sense
Ok... I'll simplify.

Parents spend a lot of time raising children and they like to talk about it.
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username1799249
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A good thread. I think having kids changes your focus in life. When you are without kids the entire focus of your life is yourself. Everything you do has you at its centre.

When you have kids your entire focus shifts to them and everything you do centresvaround them.

Now there are pros and cons to each approach with different emotions and outcomes. I am not sure if one is superior to the other.
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fallen_acorns
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It shouldn't be shocking that your experiences in life shape you, making you 'better' or 'worse'.

Having kids is one of the most significant experiences, so it will come with one of the most significant outcomes.

For most people, having to care for something else and having something else to put first above themselves, does make them better than they were before. Does it make them better than people who don't have kids? obviously you can only compare specific examples, because to generalise that and actually draw useful conclusions would be so hard. There are plenty of very good people without kids, and plenty of very bad parents. So I think in general its reasonable to make the claim that for most people having kids improves yourself, compared to your younger childless self, but its not very reasonable to make the claim that people who have kids are better than people who don't.
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Just my opinion
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Do you care about climate change?
Without children most people wouldn't give a F*"" about the environment or global climate change or the planets future.
Why would they? They'll likely be gone when any dire predictions take place.
I didn't think I would be that bothered about kids until I had them.
Then something happens that nobody tells you about.
You fall in love with them.
You think you love your partner? Its nothing to the love you feel for your children.
There's nothing wrong with not having children. Its your free choice, but we'd very quickly be up **** creek without a paddle if ever your choice became the mainstream.
Look at the way Japan is going now.
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nexttime
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(Original post by Just my opinion)
Do you care about climate change?
Without children most people wouldn't give a F*"" about the environment or global climate change or the planets future.
Why would they? They'll likely be gone when any dire predictions take place.
Except a) by far the most passionate group about climate change is the young and childless - I didn't see all that many parents and middle aged people at Extinction Rebellion. And b) arguably no one gives a **** about the environment even after they have kids - its not like we've exactly done much about it is it?

I think becoming a parent makes you more cautious in terms of taking risks with your life or with, for example, getting arrested, and hence completely dulls any passions you had previously, including the environment.
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