What to do with a 'boring' friend Watch

lilyts
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I have a friend, let's call her Anna for privacy purposes, who I have very little in common with. She joined my group of friends about a year ago when she fell out with her previous group and came to us because she knew another of my friends through a class they had together. Since then, she has gotten to know me better and now considers me a good friend. She is lovely, and while she can be a little on the bossy side, she is a very kind person. However, the issue is, we have very few shared interests making conversation with her is hard. Not only that, we have different senses of humour meaning either I don't find the jokes she makes funny in anyway or she doesn't understand jokes I make. Our conversations usually are dominated by her talking about her interests and ,while this usually wouldnt bother me since I enjoy listening to people talk about things they are passionate about, I have no interest in the things she talks about. Her usual choice of topic tends to be mundane things that happen in her life, and example being a new toaster her mum had bought that she talked about for 3 days ; while it was nice to see her so happy over something so small, it was exhausting trying to find ways to reply to her and keep the conversation going. On top of that, if I try to steer the conversation towards the few things we have in common eg. Lessons at school, she always brings the conversation back to whatever she was talking about before. It is exhausting and frustrating trying to talk to her and being her good friend I have to spend a lot of time outside of school with her too. It's hard since I feel like I cannot be completely true to myself since I'm unable to share jokes or talk about things I find interesting because she doesn't understand or enjoy talking about them. I'm not sure what to do, because I'm getting to the point where I'm avoiding her just because I simply cannot be bothered to put in so much effort to have a conversation about something I simply don't care about and I'm making excuses not to see her. I feel awful since she is such a lovely person so any advice on how to find more common ground between us or how to have conversations that won't require huge amounts of effort would be appreciated!
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WazzWazz98
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Hey there,

It can be difficult sometimes to let someone down gently. Maybe just try and tell her subtly that although you love being around her, she should let you have a turn! It is easy to get carried away sometimes. See if you can have a bit of space, especially after school.

Some people find happiness in really small things. There is nothing wrong with that, and maybe she is just happy to have someone who is giving her a chance. Talk to her and see how she is mentally. Perhaps she may be a little down in the dumps, and is therefore a little clingy as you are someone she feels listens when others do not?
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Jmonay
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I can relate I barely have friends the ones I have it’s like they only talk about what their going through and when I’m talking about something they barely listen ..they always tell me their problems and it’s annoying I’m in that same situation as you are and I been friends with them for a while now .. I don’t feel like myself around them either. It really is exhausting at times cause I think they depend on me . Which I don’t like ! Which I’m going to tell either you speak to her about it if you want to fix this or keep your distance and tell her why your going to keep your distance if this doesn’t change.. you both should be understanding of each other
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lilyts
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(Original post by WazzWazz98)
Hey there,

It can be difficult sometimes to let someone down gently. Maybe just try and tell her subtly that although you love being around her, she should let you have a turn! It is easy to get carried away sometimes. See if you can have a bit of space, especially after school.

Some people find happiness in really small things. There is nothing wrong with that, and maybe she is just happy to have someone who is giving her a chance. Talk to her and see how she is mentally. Perhaps she may be a little down in the dumps, and is therefore a little clingy as you are someone she feels listens when others do not?
thanks for being so understanding and for the advice! I think perhaps the clinginess might have come from the treatment she received in her previous friend group because, although she never really talked about it, I got the impression they used to leave her out of things. this was a year or so ago but I think the hurt she felt then is still lingering. I'll take your advice and see if she wants to talk about it at all and ill definitely check that everything else is okay. I feel like this might make it harder to put some distance between us though because I don't want her worrying what happened with her friends last time is happening again! I think talking about might help though, so thanks!
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lilyts
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(Original post by Jmonay)
I can relate I barely have friends the ones I have it’s like they only talk about what their going through and when I’m talking about something they barely listen ..they always tell me their problems and it’s annoying I’m in that same situation as you are and I been friends with them for a while now .. I don’t feel like myself around them either. It really is exhausting at times cause I think they depend on me . Which I don’t like ! Which I’m going to tell either you speak to her about it if you want to fix this or keep your distance and tell her why your going to keep your distance if this doesn’t change.. you both should be understanding of each other
I completely agree! I feel like Anna depends on me quite a bit too and it really can be exhausting even though I want to be there for her. I feel like speaking about the topic might help things a little and maybe if I keep my distance slightly, she will naturally move away and perhaps even find someone she gets along with better. Thanks for the advice!
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