Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#1
I'm 25 years old, and was raised by my rich Grandparents... On the one hand, I was completely spoiled with material things, and never even allowed (yes, allowed) to do chores. To this day, they pay for me. I feel horrible about it. I do housework, but I've literally got to sneak around to do it. Load/empty the dishwasher quietly so I'm undetected, brush the floors rather than hoover them, as my Gran's such a control freak, and it's doing me and my lifeskills no favors. Yes, I've told her this. 'You'll learn them when I'm dead'. Smh.

On the other hand, it was a chaotic, toxic environment. Both my Grandparents were abusive in their own ways, despite the fact they genuinely care. My Grandmother was a controlling, emotionally abusive alcoholic. I was never allowed out with friends, could do nothing right (which I do remember being told literally minutes before I was heading out the door to my first job interview). My Grandad has his own troubled past and is a bullying, trouble-stirring man. And even as a little girl, and especially now as a grown woman, I've always had to play referee. They get mad and volatile whenever I take one person's side, or say nothing (which is apparently also taking the other person's side), or if I don't want to get involved, I'll 'regret it when they die', etc. My Grandmother's getting better, my Grandad's getting worse. However, my Grandmother's still EXTREMELY controlling. She freaks out if I try to cook, HATES me buying my own clothes.

Now that I'm going to Uni, I have the opportunity to move out. But here's things that are literally bringing me to tears when I think of them:

*I have an elderly cat. She's been my animal soul mate for 18 years. She only really loves me, and is only taken care of by me. I can't bring her with me, and she's bound to die before I can come back for her. I hate the thought of her being alone all that time, and passing away, wondering where I am.

*I have a year old parrot. The rest of the house love him, but CANNOT take care of him; they won't be able to let him out, or spend much more time with him rather than passing in and out of the room, because they have their own things to take care of... Two other animals that are kept separate from mine, my Grandad still runs his businesses and my Grandmother has all the housework to do herself. I'd have to give him up to give him any quality of life.

*I'm so guilty about the thought of not being there emotionally for my Grandparents. I was always there to hear their side of the CONSTANT arguments they've got going on - I mean, I didn't want to, I always have my arm twisted, but...

I'm so trapped feeling. Do I only get freedom when I'm like, 50? Or do I give away all my animals, say '**** you I'm going to my grandparents', and go struggle with managing my guilt while trying to learn to live independently, on top of studying for a 2:1 for Uni?
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WazzWazz98
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 25 years old, and was raised by my rich Grandparents... On the one hand, I was completely spoiled with material things, and never even allowed (yes, allowed) to do chores. To this day, they pay for me. I feel horrible about it. I do housework, but I've literally got to sneak around to do it. Load/empty the dishwasher quietly so I'm undetected, brush the floors rather than hoover them, as my Gran's such a control freak, and it's doing me and my lifeskills no favors. Yes, I've told her this. 'You'll learn them when I'm dead'. Smh.

On the other hand, it was a chaotic, toxic environment. Both my Grandparents were abusive in their own ways, despite the fact they genuinely care. My Grandmother was a controlling, emotionally abusive alcoholic. I was never allowed out with friends, could do nothing right (which I do remember being told literally minutes before I was heading out the door to my first job interview). My Grandad has his own troubled past and is a bullying, trouble-stirring man. And even as a little girl, and especially now as a grown woman, I've always had to play referee. They get mad and volatile whenever I take one person's side, or say nothing (which is apparently also taking the other person's side), or if I don't want to get involved, I'll 'regret it when they die', etc. My Grandmother's getting better, my Grandad's getting worse. However, my Grandmother's still EXTREMELY controlling. She freaks out if I try to cook, HATES me buying my own clothes.

Now that I'm going to Uni, I have the opportunity to move out. But here's things that are literally bringing me to tears when I think of them:

*I have an elderly cat. She's been my animal soul mate for 18 years. She only really loves me, and is only taken care of by me. I can't bring her with me, and she's bound to die before I can come back for her. I hate the thought of her being alone all that time, and passing away, wondering where I am.

*I have a year old parrot. The rest of the house love him, but CANNOT take care of him; they won't be able to let him out, or spend much more time with him rather than passing in and out of the room, because they have their own things to take care of... Two other animals that are kept separate from mine, my Grandad still runs his businesses and my Grandmother has all the housework to do herself. I'd have to give him up to give him any quality of life.

*I'm so guilty about the thought of not being there emotionally for my Grandparents. I was always there to hear their side of the CONSTANT arguments they've got going on - I mean, I didn't want to, I always have my arm twisted, but...

I'm so trapped feeling. Do I only get freedom when I'm like, 50? Or do I give away all my animals, say '**** you I'm going to my grandparents', and go struggle with managing my guilt while trying to learn to live independently, on top of studying for a 2:1 for Uni?
Hey there,

Really sorry to hear about this dilemma of yours.

Sure your grandparents raised you. You will always affection, love and gratitude for them, and so you should. But for them to behave in such a manner and use you as a political football is NOT on. You must not allow them to do this.

Of course you will be concerned for your cat and parrot. Perhaps discuss your concerns about them with your grandparents. Maybe they never cared for them because they never needed to before as you were around? Also, as much as it will hurt you, leaving them behind is a small price to pay for your own wellbeing. It will harm you significantly if you are not able to live independently.

Apologies if any of this sounded overly harsh.

Good luck with uni!
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cheesecakelove
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 25 years old, and was raised by my rich Grandparents... On the one hand, I was completely spoiled with material things, and never even allowed (yes, allowed) to do chores. To this day, they pay for me. I feel horrible about it. I do housework, but I've literally got to sneak around to do it. Load/empty the dishwasher quietly so I'm undetected, brush the floors rather than hoover them, as my Gran's such a control freak, and it's doing me and my lifeskills no favors. Yes, I've told her this. 'You'll learn them when I'm dead'. Smh.

On the other hand, it was a chaotic, toxic environment. Both my Grandparents were abusive in their own ways, despite the fact they genuinely care. My Grandmother was a controlling, emotionally abusive alcoholic. I was never allowed out with friends, could do nothing right (which I do remember being told literally minutes before I was heading out the door to my first job interview). My Grandad has his own troubled past and is a bullying, trouble-stirring man. And even as a little girl, and especially now as a grown woman, I've always had to play referee. They get mad and volatile whenever I take one person's side, or say nothing (which is apparently also taking the other person's side), or if I don't want to get involved, I'll 'regret it when they die', etc. My Grandmother's getting better, my Grandad's getting worse. However, my Grandmother's still EXTREMELY controlling. She freaks out if I try to cook, HATES me buying my own clothes.

Now that I'm going to Uni, I have the opportunity to move out. But here's things that are literally bringing me to tears when I think of them:

*I have an elderly cat. She's been my animal soul mate for 18 years. She only really loves me, and is only taken care of by me. I can't bring her with me, and she's bound to die before I can come back for her. I hate the thought of her being alone all that time, and passing away, wondering where I am.

*I have a year old parrot. The rest of the house love him, but CANNOT take care of him; they won't be able to let him out, or spend much more time with him rather than passing in and out of the room, because they have their own things to take care of... Two other animals that are kept separate from mine, my Grandad still runs his businesses and my Grandmother has all the housework to do herself. I'd have to give him up to give him any quality of life.

*I'm so guilty about the thought of not being there emotionally for my Grandparents. I was always there to hear their side of the CONSTANT arguments they've got going on - I mean, I didn't want to, I always have my arm twisted, but...

I'm so trapped feeling. Do I only get freedom when I'm like, 50? Or do I give away all my animals, say '**** you I'm going to my grandparents', and go struggle with managing my guilt while trying to learn to live independently, on top of studying for a 2:1 for Uni?
You now have the chance to have more freedom in your life by moving away for the first time - you don't need to feel guilty about leaving your grandparents. I am sure they want to see you succeed and make a life for yourself. In terms of your animals, if your grandparents can't take care of them, is another family member or good friend able to help?
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