username4530544
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Hi

My daughter is in her last year of her A levels.

She is disruptive, rude and not working hard. I've been into the school many times and now she is on her last warning before being excluded.

I had an email today saying they want to talk to me about putting her on "enforced study leave".

Does anyone know what that means?

Thank you
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cheesecakelove
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi

My daughter is in her last year of her A levels.

She is disruptive, rude and not working hard. I've been into the school many times and now she is on her last warning before being excluded.

I had an email today saying they want to talk to me about putting her on "enforced study leave".

Does anyone know what that means?

Thank you
I would guess that means she cannot go to school unless for an exam?

You really need to talk with your daughter about her behaviour. Is there a reason why she is acting this way? It may cause problems for her in the future.
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username4530544
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Hi

Thank you for replying.

She will not talk to me - about anything.

She doesn't want to be at school. She left it too late to change one of her subjects and has been a nightmare ever since.

She has been told by the school and us that she needs to work otherwise it will hinder her career.


So, does that mean she will get the work to do at home and will only go in for her exams? Seems ridiculous that she will be treated by being at home everyday. So, she'll basically be teaching herself? They may as well just exclude her permanently then. It's all so disappointing.
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black tea
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi

Thank you for replying.

She will not talk to me - about anything.

She doesn't want to be at school. She left it too late to change one of her subjects and has been a nightmare ever since.

She has been told by the school and us that she needs to work otherwise it will hinder her career.


So, does that mean she will get the work to do at home and will only go in for her exams? Seems ridiculous that she will be treated by being at home everyday. So, she'll basically be teaching herself? They may as well just exclude her permanently then. It's all so disappointing.
She is not being "treated" by being at home, she is being stopped from disrupting other peoples' education. From my (very limited) experience, "enforced study leave" means not being allowed at school except for exams and yes, it means that she will be teaching herself.
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A Rolling Stone
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi

Thank you for replying.

She will not talk to me - about anything.

She doesn't want to be at school. She left it too late to change one of her subjects and has been a nightmare ever since.

She has been told by the school and us that she needs to work otherwise it will hinder her career.


So, does that mean she will get the work to do at home and will only go in for her exams? Seems ridiculous that she will be treated by being at home everyday. So, she'll basically be teaching herself? They may as well just exclude her permanently then. It's all so disappointing.
i was expelled at my school and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. went from a dictatorial school sixth form where i was unhappy to a hands-off (uni style) college sixth form where i stopped relying on teachers to teach me and instead realised the best way to learn was to study independently and teach yourself. went from Bs and Cs to A*s and graduated from St Andrews a couple years back.
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username4530544
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(Original post by black tea)
She is not being "treated" by being at home, she is being stopped from disrupting other peoples' education. From my (very limited) experience, "enforced study leave" means not being allowed at school except for exams and yes, it means that she will be teaching herself.
Hi, yes I understand that she is not going to be able to disrupt others any longer, but this is what she wants, to not be at school. In my eyes, this is her getting her own way and I think she will feel as if she has won and it's just as ridiculous as when kids are excluded for a couple of days for whatever reasons.

I'm a stay at home mother, and TBH, I don't want her home all day. She never did any of her homework, or if she did, it was the bare minimal. There is no way she will be able to teach herself - she is doing chemistry A level and is struggling as it is - this is her favourite subject and she got top marks in her GCSE exam.
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username4530544
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(Original post by A Rolling Stone)
i was expelled at my school and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. went from a dictatorial school sixth form where i was unhappy to a hands-off (uni style) college sixth form where i stopped relying on teachers to teach me and instead realised the best way to learn was to study independently and teach yourself. went from Bs and Cs to A*s and graduated from St Andrews a couple years back.
Hi, wow! Congratulations! You've given me hope. It's frustrating that it's not even a week into the start of the year. I will update when I've had the "chat" with the school. Thank you
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black tea
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi, yes I understand that she is not going to be able to disrupt others any longer, but this is what she wants, to not be at school. In my eyes, this is her getting her own way and I think she will feel as if she has won and it's just as ridiculous as when kids are excluded for a couple of days for whatever reasons.

I'm a stay at home mother, and TBH, I don't want her home all day. She never did any of her homework, or if she did, it was the bare minimal. There is no way she will be able to teach herself - she is doing chemistry A level and is struggling as it is - this is her favourite subject and she got top marks in her GCSE exam.
Is it something you or other family members are able to help with? Would getting a tutor be an option?

It does sound like you need to have a good chat with your daughter about what's going on though. If she doesn't want to talk and won't allow you to help, and if you don't want her at home all day, you could always ask her to move out... Might put things into perspective for her a little bit.
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OR321
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I know it’s not always the parents’ fault, but how do some let their kids be like that. I’m not saying you are but I have neighbours who’s kids are the most rudest people I’ve ever met and they barely go school. Teach them respect and kindness from a young age. What was your daughter like when she was younger???
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mnot
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi

Thank you for replying.

She will not talk to me - about anything.

She doesn't want to be at school. She left it too late to change one of her subjects and has been a nightmare ever since.

She has been told by the school and us that she needs to work otherwise it will hinder her career.


So, does that mean she will get the work to do at home and will only go in for her exams? Seems ridiculous that she will be treated by being at home everyday. So, she'll basically be teaching herself? They may as well just exclude her permanently then. It's all so disappointing.
TBH it sounds like the school dont want her in anymore, which in 6form if you cant obey standard school etiquette is fair enough.

I think they are using 'enforced study leave' as they are conscientious and want to ensure she still has a place to sit exams.

Maturity and willingness to respect education doesn't happen to everyone at 17, I suspect this will no doubt mean she will struggle to achieve top grades now. Unfortunately in this situation unless there is an attitude change this is a pretty gloomy situation.
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username4530544
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Hi

TBH, I'm a little upset now. My husband says I'm the best mother ever, I bend over backwards for my 3 kids, nothing is ever too much trouble.

I didn't have a good relationship with my parents, so I've made damn sure my relationship with my children is wonderful.

They have all been taught respect, my husband works every hour God sends. My other 2 children aren't like this at all.

She only turned "bad" during her A levels - I really do believe it's because she was too late in changing from biology to a different subject. She detests biology.

Yes, she did extremely well in her GCSE exams, and got an A* in chemistry.

Of course I 'd love nothing more than to spend everyday with her but alas, she needs to learn that sometimes you just have to suck it up, keep your mouth shut and knuckle down.

I went to the same school and it is a very good school. The pastoral care is amazing and the team have tried talking to her but she doesn't want to know.

All my children know that they can confide in me, whatever the reason. I will always support them and try to do my best to help them.
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cheesecakelove
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi

Thank you for replying.

She will not talk to me - about anything.

She doesn't want to be at school. She left it too late to change one of her subjects and has been a nightmare ever since.

She has been told by the school and us that she needs to work otherwise it will hinder her career.


So, does that mean she will get the work to do at home and will only go in for her exams? Seems ridiculous that she will be treated by being at home everyday. So, she'll basically be teaching herself? They may as well just exclude her permanently then. It's all so disappointing.
You mention that she left it late to change one of her subjects - what did she want to study originally?

Is there another family member who can talk to her on your behalf, or a friend who knows what is going on?
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Scotney
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This situation with your daughter has been going on for the whole of last year. For her own good you need to get tough now. Stop paying for her phone, clothes and social life and I certainly hope she did not ever get that car. If she did sell it. You need to make her realise actions have consequences. Make her get a job and pay rent and for all her own expenditure You have been far too soft to put it lightly You are currently helping her to destroy her future prospdcts. Do something.
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username4530544
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(Original post by OR321)
I know it’s not always the parents’ fault, but how do some let their kids be like that. I’m not saying you are but I have neighbours who’s kids are the most rudest people I’ve ever met and they barely go school. Teach them respect and kindness from a young age. What was your daughter like when she was younger???
Hi, my daughter can be a typical teenager at home - but she goes to work with her dad sometimes during the holidays, working 10 hours doing manual work. She can be wonderful.

She was lovely until the A levels started. She is only rude to the biology teacher, not the other 2.

Her dad works hard, sometimes everyday, he tell her how hard it is and he wishes he was clever like her and had the opportunity to study and get a better skilled job. We always encourage and praise where praise is due.
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WolfofGatsby
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi

TBH, I'm a little upset now. My husband says I'm the best mother ever, I bend over backwards for my 3 kids, nothing is ever too much trouble.

I didn't have a good relationship with my parents, so I've made damn sure my relationship with my children is wonderful.

They have all been taught respect, my husband works every hour God sends. My other 2 children aren't like this at all.

She only turned "bad" during her A levels - I really do believe it's because she was too late in changing from biology to a different subject. She detests biology.

Yes, she did extremely well in her GCSE exams, and got an A* in chemistry.

Of course I 'd love nothing more than to spend everyday with her but alas, she needs to learn that sometimes you just have to suck it up, keep your mouth shut and knuckle down.

I went to the same school and it is a very good school. The pastoral care is amazing and the team have tried talking to her but she doesn't want to know.

All my children know that they can confide in me, whatever the reason. I will always support them and try to do my best to help them.
If it would solve some of her problems, she could contact the exams officer of the school and ask to do drop Biology and do 2 A-levels with the school, instead choosing a different A-level and doing it privately. This happened with a few students in my year last year, and it proved to be very helpful for them overall
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swanseajack1
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi, my daughter can be a typical teenager at home - but she goes to work with her dad sometimes during the holidays, working 10 hours doing manual work. She can be wonderful.

She was lovely until the A levels started. She is only rude to the biology teacher, not the other 2.

Her dad works hard, sometimes everyday, he tell her how hard it is and he wishes he was clever like her and had the opportunity to study and get a better skilled job. We always encourage and praise where praise is due.
The answer appears to move school and resit year 12 taking subjects she will enjoy. Many do this but dont have the same behaviour problem
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username4530544
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(Original post by cheesecakelove)
You mention that she left it late to change one of her subjects - what did she want to study originally?

Is there another family member who can talk to her on your behalf, or a friend who knows what is going on?
Hi, she realised she didn't like biology. The school said it was too late to change so she had to do it as you need to do 3 A levels there. She loves the chemistry and psychology though.

There is no talking to her - we've spoken to her, the school has, she gets on well with the head of science but she has a real problem with the biology teacher. We've all asked her to let it go, it's not the teachers fault she doesn't want to do biology.
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username4530544
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(Original post by WolfofGatsby)
If it would solve some of her problems, she could contact the exams officer of the school and ask to do drop Biology and do 2 A-levels with the school, instead choosing a different A-level and doing it privately. This happened with a few students in my year last year, and it proved to be very helpful for them overall
Hi, I have asked if she could drop biology but apparently the school have said she need to do 3 A levels there. I will ask them tomorrow if she could do one privately instead. That's a great idea, thank you
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OR321
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi, my daughter can be a typical teenager at home - but she goes to work with her dad sometimes during the holidays, working 10 hours doing manual work. She can be wonderful.

She was lovely until the A levels started. She is only rude to the biology teacher, not the other 2.

Her dad works hard, sometimes everyday, he tell her how hard it is and he wishes he was clever like her and had the opportunity to study and get a better skilled job. We always encourage and praise where praise is due.
So she doesn’t like Biology, so she takes her anger out on the teacher? Why is she still doing Biology then
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mnot
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(Original post by boble1)
Hi

TBH, I'm a little upset now. My husband says I'm the best mother ever, I bend over backwards for my 3 kids, nothing is ever too much trouble.

I didn't have a good relationship with my parents, so I've made damn sure my relationship with my children is wonderful.

They have all been taught respect, my husband works every hour God sends. My other 2 children aren't like this at all.

She only turned "bad" during her A levels - I really do believe it's because she was too late in changing from biology to a different subject. She detests biology.

Yes, she did extremely well in her GCSE exams, and got an A* in chemistry.

Of course I 'd love nothing more than to spend everyday with her but alas, she needs to learn that sometimes you just have to suck it up, keep your mouth shut and knuckle down.

I went to the same school and it is a very good school. The pastoral care is amazing and the team have tried talking to her but she doesn't want to know.

All my children know that they can confide in me, whatever the reason. I will always support them and try to do my best to help them.
I would say, you probably could have done everything reasonable to build the right environment to give her the opportunity to succeed. But your kids still pick their own friends, and social media world etc, you cant control everything.

I certainly look back and had a very different attitude/mentality at 17 than i do now (23), your daughters at the point where the real world will hit her in just a few months so shell have no choice but to make some more mature decisions
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