My boyfriend said that I am not sexy Watch

Anonymous #1
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So, me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 3 years, and over the last year he has been telling me he doesn’t find me sexy/attractive. I am overweight and I have only got myself to blame, l’m basically 5 stone off a healthy weight. I do make an effort with my hair/make up etc... and try and look my best. I have now started my weight loss journey! My boyfriend isn’t the best looking and there are things ‘wrong’ with him, but I totally love him regardless and feel so hurt by his comments. He says he loves me and is only telling me because our relationship will fizzle out if i don’t loose the weight. I can’t make up my mind if he is very unfair and wrong or wether he has got a point? Thanks for reading.
(For context I’m 24, he’s 29 and I’m his first girlfriend)
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 3 years, and over the last year he has been telling me he doesn’t find me sexy/attractive. I am overweight and I have only got myself to blame, l’m basically 5 stone off a healthy weight. I do make an effort with my hair/make up etc... and try and look my best. I have now started my weight loss journey! My boyfriend isn’t the best looking and there are things ‘wrong’ with him, but I totally love him regardless and feel so hurt by his comments. He says he loves me and is only telling me because our relationship will fizzle out if i don’t loose the weight. I can’t make up my mind if he is very unfair and wrong or wether he has got a point? Thanks for reading.
(For context I’m 24, he’s 29 and I’m his first girlfriend)
It's good that he is being honest about how he feels. Everybody does have a preference and everybody is attracted to a different body type so he isn't being unfair for having a preference. Have you been this weight since the start of your relationship, or have you gained weight during? I think it is shallow of him to say he will basically dump you unless you lose weight, and in my opinion, shows what he thinks of you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
It's good that he is being honest about how he feels. Everybody does have a preference and everybody is attracted to a different body type so he isn't being unfair for having a preference. Have you been this weight since the start of your relationship, or have you gained weight during? I think it is shallow of him to say he will basically dump you unless you lose weight, and in my opinion, shows what he thinks of you.
I did say I find it quite shallow, he said he’s not shallow as he wouldn’t be with mw if he was! I agree it is good he is sharing his thoughts and feelings. Still feel really sad by what he has said. Thanks so much for your reply.
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MidgetFever
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I think it's both a bit unfair and fair on his part. It's unfair because there's more to a person than just their looks, and it's a shame that he can't see past that. On the other side of the coin though at least he's being honest, and although this sounds bad, I think it would be quite difficult to maintain a relationship if you are completely uninterested in the person physically.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by MidgetFever)
I think it's both a bit unfair and fair on his part. It's unfair because there's more to a person than just their looks, and it's a shame that he can't see past that. On the other side of the coin though at least he's being honest, and although this sounds bad, I think it would be quite difficult to maintain a relationship if you are completely uninterested in the person physically.
Hi thanks for your opinion yeah I do agree. He says he loves me (I do believe him) and we are still intimate. I am very confused as a week ago we were discussing buying a house (he brought it up), and he spoilt me like mad for a day, then a week on we’re in the throes of this mess! Thank you x
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I did say I find it quite shallow, he said he’s not shallow as he wouldn’t be with mw if he was! I agree it is good he is sharing his thoughts and feelings. Still feel really sad by what he has said. Thanks so much for your reply.
The reason I asked about if you've been this weight since the start or not is because it would be more unfair for him to suddenly say he isn't attracted to you now if you've been this weight since the beginning, compared to if you'd gained weight during your relationship. I understand this may be a personal question, but I just wanted to address it seeing as you didn't answer initially. Obviously you don't have to answer but I wanted to explain why I was asking.
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MidgetFever
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi thanks for your opinion yeah I do agree. He says he loves me (I do believe him) and we are still intimate. I am very confused as a week ago we were discussing buying a house (he brought it up), and he spoilt me like mad for a day, then a week on we’re in the throes of this mess! Thank you x
The thing is, do you genuinely want to lose weight? If it bothers him too then he should be supporting and encouraging through it, rather than saying it could end your relationship.
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Notoriety
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Well, he is best placed to judge.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
The reason I asked about if you've been this weight since the start or not is because it would be more unfair for him to suddenly say he isn't attracted to you now if you've been this weight since the beginning, compared to if you'd gained weight during your relationship. I understand this may be a personal question, but I just wanted to address it seeing as you didn't answer initially. Obviously you don't have to answer but I wanted to explain why I was asking.
Sorry I completely forgot to answer that part! Yeah I have been the same weight since we met. I have actually lost 6lb which I know is futile in this situation. He said he has always thought it but he loves me etc. Thank you for your help
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by MidgetFever)
The thing is, do you genuinely want to lose weight? If it bothers him too then he should be supporting and encouraging through it, rather than saying it could end your relationship.
Yeah i really want to loose it. It is just through laziness and the love of food I haven’t, which I hate myself for. I have said ‘I’m going to join the gym’ or ‘I’m going on a diet’ so many times and it lasts a week. He said that this really disappoints him. X
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Notoriety)
Well, he is best placed to judge.
Thank you
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MidgetFever
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah i really want to loose it. It is just through laziness and the love of food I haven’t, which I hate myself for. I have said ‘I’m going to join the gym’ or ‘I’m going on a diet’ so many times and it lasts a week. He said that this really disappoints him. X
Then ask for his support.
Find healthy meals/snacks to make together, go to the gym together or something. Take up a sport you might find interesting.

It's all well and good him saying he's disappointed, but if you both want it then there's no shame in asking for his help and encouragement.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry I completely forgot to answer that part! Yeah I have been the same weight since we met. I have actually lost 6lb which I know is futile in this situation. He said he has always thought it but he loves me etc. Thank you for your help
In that case, then it's very strange that after 3 years all of a sudden he finds you unattractive enough to mention it to you. 6lb is still 6lb, so be proud of that I'm not so sure I believe him when he says he has always thought it, because 3 years is a long time to be unattracted to someone and not say anything about it. Like why stay with someone for 3 years if you aren't attracted to them? If I were you, I would bring that up with him and ask him about it. Why all of a sudden is he mentioning it if he has always thought it?
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letsgetintouni
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Get to your body goals and then leave him! once men find you unattractive its v hard to reverse that opinion, unless you can make him appreciate you again
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YaliaV
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I think there are ways to get the message across without being so blunt. Maybe you’ve put the weight on because you’re unhappy in the relationship. Has he been supportive and offered to help you or has he just put you down?

Why do you think you’re overweight? Are you unhappy or stressed?
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LaurenEve1995
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Whilst honesty is always good... considering your boyfriend is 29, you're the same age as me and you've been the same weight since you've met him I do find this situation a little bizarre and dare I say slightly manipulative? You're working towards the goals you want and he should be supportive of you, not making you feel bad about yourself on his terms when he decides all of a sudden your physical appearance is no longer substantial.

I'm not saying break up with him but please never ever let anyone dictate your own happiness or how you perceive yourself, put your happiness first.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LaurenEve1995)
Whilst honesty is always good... considering your boyfriend is 29, you're the same age as me and you've been the same weight since you've met him I do find this situation a little bizarre and dare I say slightly manipulative? You're working towards the goals you want and he should be supportive of you, not making you feel bad about yourself on his terms when he decides all of a sudden your physical appearance is no longer substantial.

I'm not saying break up with him but please never ever let anyone dictate your own happiness or how you perceive yourself, put your happiness first.
Thanks so much for your kind words. Right now honestly it means so much I’m actually really struggling. He says he’s probably always felt this but to me 3 years is a long time to spend with someone and then say this. I’m at such a crossroad x
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV)
I think there are ways to get the message across without being so blunt. Maybe you’ve put the weight on because you’re unhappy in the relationship. Has he been supportive and offered to help you or has he just put you down?

Why do you think you’re overweight? Are you unhappy or stressed?
I haven’t gained weight since I’ve been with him, I’ve actually lost 6lb which I know is not a drop in the ocean. Right now I feel unhappy but I love him completely. Last week we were looking at houses and he bought me a lovely gift. A week later this. X
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cam9823
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how much do you weigh?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by letsgetintouni)
Get to your body goals and then leave him! once men find you unattractive its v hard to reverse that opinion, unless you can make him appreciate you again
Yeah you are probably correct!!! X
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