Growing up without a dad - how has it impacted you?

I would say I've lived quite a good life growing up. Although I was raised in a one parent household, I've never felt like I lacked. I still don't feel that way but sometimes I wonder how things would be different.

Sometimes I wonder if the absence of my dad is the reason why I struggle to maintain a friendships with guys (plus the fact I went to an all girls school). If I needed a male opinion on something right now, I would struggle to find someone I'm comfortable with to have that conversation.

Looking back, I've never actually had and maintained a male friend - even with me being quite down to earth and chilled.

What about you guys?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

My dad walked out when I was about 5 and wasn't interested in staying in seeing me. My mother then met my stepdad when I was 8. At first we got on ok but after a year or two he turned against me and since then we have had a really volotile relationship. I can't rely on him and most of the time I'm convinced he doesn't even like me. I was bullied badly in the last 2 years of secondary school and I often felt like I had bully's at school and then was going home to a bully too.
I'm 26 and even though I rent my own place, pay my bills, have worked before and now going to uni, whenever I'm around my stepdad, I feel like I'm 10 years old again.
It has impacted my life a lot even though I don't often think about it. I'm very self conscious, I have a lot of social anxiety and anxiety in general and to be honest, I don't really like myself at all and I feel like I'm worthless.
I have a bad track record with men and have had abusive boyfriends in the past. My stepdad has never stood up for me, or been angry on my behalf or comforted me in any way.
I know this is all miniscule compared to how bad some people have it with their parents and I'm lucky that I have a good relationship with my mother and brothers, but I often find myself sad and envious of other girls who have loving relationships with their fathers. I never felt protected.

Even though we have different stories OP, I know for certain not having a good father figure has affected how I am now. I often wonder how I would have been had I simply grown up without any father at all.

Reply 2

Airmed

I didn't grow up without a dad, I grew up without a mum. Parents divorced when I was young and my daddy won custody and my mother walked out, never to be seen again. It's been 16 years since I last saw her.

Definitely did impact me, everyone assumes it's your mum who raises you, so it does raise a few eyebrows when I make all mention of my daddy and no mentjon of mother. I don't really know what it's like to have a normal family or a normal relationship with a parent, I'm still learning that.

Reply 3

Zain_Ahmed

Original post by KimmyKim96

In most cases, The mother is the parent who provides comfort is usually the mother, and the father is usually the parent who has a role of playing with the child.. In your case, your mother is the primary parent (Who spends most time with you).. So she gives you most of the aspects which build your personality... You lack(ed) a father figure in your life, who was a secondary parent, so it wouldn't really effect you as much as you never attached to him.. Making sense?

But some people could have been born with a father and left when the child was at a young age.. Which can be more devistaing as the child had possoble attached to the father...

Having a male friend isn't nessecarily to do with lacking a father.. Maybe lacking men in your life in total may be the reason... As you can lack a father but have other males in your life, so it wouldn't effect you as much...

Well done to your mum, it's very hard to do both play and comfort as a single parent :h:

Reply 4

Zain_Ahmed

Original post by Airmed

everyone assumes it's your mum who raises you

Ye.. That's why I hate stereotypes... A father can do just as much, or even better than a mother.. It all depends on how much they love you and not what gender they are..

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post by KimmyKim96

I always wondered this too. Here's everything I experienced.

My dad was abusive, my mother was forced to marry him. He was abusive to the point where he nearly killed my mother when she was pregnant. She escaped. I lived with my mother, alone, without siblings for around 13 years (I'm 16 right now). Through those 13 years I saw my mother grow up with me, and I will never forget that. She wanted to be a better person for me, she wanted to do everything for me and she did. We moved countries and we lived happily, together, and we pretty much grew up together, supporting each other through whatever was thrown at us. I was worried, I knew one day I would leave, who would be there for her? I encouraged her to marry someone, move countries if that's what she had to do, and we did, I came with her of course. Things were good. He was a really nice person, but it's hard. At times - mostly everyday - I fear that he doesn't even like me, I feel like a burden and sometimes I even wish I didn't exist. Don't get me wrong he does everything and more for me, and treats me really well. But everyone's ways of "treating someone well" are different - especially since his culture and mind is completely different to ours. I have had to adjust, fall into "societal norms" to be able to fit in, and I try to fit in as much as I can just to see my mother happy. I dont want to ruin their marriage, ever. But you know, sometimes I see it. I see the difference in the treatment that I get vs what his own child would get it, and I do understand him, of course it is hard for someone but my emotions get in the way and it does upset more often than not. I really like him and he is a nice person but at the same time I am scared of him, I always try and make sure I don't do something that will annoy/upset him and I feel like I'm not even myself anymore. It's hard having freedom and being treated like an adult by your mother and then suddenly being treated differently by your stepdad. It's not bad but it is the hardest thing ever. So that's how things would be different.

But, the absence of your dad is most likely not the reason why you struggle to maintain a friendships with guys. I have had the most amazing boy best friends and one of them means the world to me. Maybe you're afraid or possibly not used to it since you go to a girls school. But do value the life that you have right now because I miss mine.

Reply 6

CoolCavy

Volunteer Team

Doesn't bother me, in fact I wish he would leave entirely so we can all be free of his emotional abuse.

Reply 7

Trust Orang

Original post by Airmed

This is really touching :smile:

Reply 8

BlueLeopard

Original post by KimmyKim96

My dad left my mum whilst he was pregnant so I’ve grown up in a one parent household. I have NEVER felt like I was missing out or lacking. We’ve never known any different so how would those feelings of loss even come to place?

my whole life I’ve had people be sorry because I’ve only had my mum, it genuinely baffles me. My upbringing was good with my mum. Idk what it would be like if I had a dad but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Reply 9

tacobeth

I only saw my dad once every 5-6 weeks growing up until I was 10 & I haven’t seen him for 8 years now. I don’t think I missed out, my mum did a great job and it’s not like we struggled without him. but I won’t lie, sometimes I miss the idea of having a dad, i don’t miss my actual dad since he was never a proper father to me, but i’ll look at my friends’ dads or dads on tv (not exactly realistic) and I’ll be like ‘damn,, I wish I had that’ but I’m definitely better off without my father