Girlfriend letting herself go Watch

Anonymous #1
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I have been with my girlfriend for about three years. I love her so much, but lately it feels she has been letting herself go. For example, she's put on a lot of weight and dresses quite frumpy, I'm guessing to try to hide the fact she's put on weight. As a result, I'm starting to lose my physical attraction to her. I've tried suggesting that we both eat healthily, we both start exercising more, but she just can't stick to it and then starts an argument with me when I try and get her to carry on. The thing is, she knows she has put on weight, has told me she wants to lose it, then goes back to eating takeaway and sweets within a couple days. I really don't want to tell her I'm losing my physical attraction to her, because I still love everything else about her, and I know that would hurt her. What do people?
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Marymelon123
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Be honest with her!!!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Marymelon123)
Be honest with her!!!
How honest can I be? Telling her the whole truth will only hurt her, start an argument, and have her jumping to conclusions that to her will mean I don't love her anymore, just because she's put on weight.
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Anonymous #2
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Telling her about this will probably make her more insecure, causing her to dress frumpier. If you're only attracted to her because of her body then gtfo of the relationship and let her find someone who loves her whatever she looks like. This is coming from a fat person.
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sinfonietta
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She needs to change because she wants to; not because you want her to. It needs to be completely self-motivated else shell give up - like she keeps doing.

Could you stay with her even if she never loses the weight? Or puts on more?
Last edited by sinfonietta; 4 days ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Telling her about this will probably make her more insecure, causing her to dress frumpier. If you're only attracted to her because of her body then gtfo of the relationship and let her find someone who loves her whatever she looks like. This is coming from a fat person.
There is also the issue of how it is impacting her mental and physical health (poorly), but I didn't think that be worth mentioning. This may come as a shock to you, but it is possible to love a person for who they are.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
She needs to change because she wants to; not because you want her to. It needs to be completely self-motivated else shell give up - like she keeps doing.

Could you stay with her even if she never loses the weight? Or puts on more?
Of course. It's just frustrating that she keeps telling me that she wants to lose the weight, then goes and gets a takeaway not three days later, making her feel even worse about herself. She wants to change, I just don't think she wants to put in the work to change.
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Anonymous #2
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Its really difficult to stop eating unhealthy foods. I binge all the time because I literally cannot stop myself and then I'll feel like crap and eat healthy for a couple of day and the cycle repeats.
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LadyScheherazade
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Its completely understandable to lose your attraction to her, I'm not going to be like "If you're only attracted to her because of her body then gtfo of the relationship and let her find someone who loves her whatever she looks like" (of course she's fat). Legit just be honest with her and tell her the truth, if you don't its just gonna get worse, not like "you are ****ing ugly lose some weight," phrase it more gently (e.g."I'm really worried for your health"). If not, you can motivate her by going on the same diet as her or go to the gym with her.
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SMEGGGY
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Just go bang some fitties, she won't know bro 😉
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fallen_acorns
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Telling her about this will probably make her more insecure, causing her to dress frumpier. If you're only attracted to her because of her body then gtfo of the relationship and let her find someone who loves her whatever she looks like. This is coming from a fat person.
There is a spectrum where you can be to critical of your partners flaws at one end, which is unhelpful and abusive, and at the other end you are to accepting of their flaws, which is equally as unhelpful and abusive. Somewhere in the middle is healthy for couples, and that's what the OP needs to find. Just saying 'love her and accept her, no matter anything about this that or the other' is disastrous advice for long-term relationships.

---

To the OP:

Just tell her. If it causes an arugement, so what? Arguements are ok, they happen in relationships, and trying to avoid them by bottling up your feelings/thoughts is an awful long-term plan. Tell her nicely and respectfully, and if she is a decent and reasonable girl she will be upset and hurt, but after calming down will get the message and realize that she needs to work a bit harder.

Ive been on the other end of these conversations with my wife. Not about weight but other things where I've developed bad habbits, and it always hurts at first, no one likes to be confronted with a reality about themselves that's really not good. But there are two types of people, those who find it hurts and run away from the problem pretending it doesn't exist, and those who get hurt by it, but then stand up and try and solve it. Personally I wanted my partner to be the second type of person, so if they couldn't handle someone pointing out a problem without loosing it, they are not right for me.
Last edited by fallen_acorns; 4 days ago
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Dunya
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
Just go bang some fitties, she won't know bro 😉
Because that's so helping to improve the situation!
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SMEGGGY
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(Original post by Dunya)
Because that's so helping to improve the situation!
Well she won't need to lose weight
He doesn't need to be attracted to her, so she can eat 🎂 🍠 🥤

All is well. 🤔
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you're only attracted to her because of her body
Have you ever heard of the term "holistic"? You can love someone for their personality, whilst still caring about their appearance enough that an extreme of it is enough to influence a decision.

Eg say that you were going to view a house. Everything about the house is perfect and you love it, except that it has no interior doors and it would be expensive to rectify this so you decide not to buy the house. By your logic, the ONLY thing the person cares about in a house is thus it's interior doors. No, that's not how it works. No matter how much the person loves the layout and furniture (personality), if one aspect of it is particularly off putting (weight) then it's fair grounds not to purchase (continue the relationship).
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Dunya
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
Well she won't need to lose weight
He doesn't need to be attracted to her, so she can eat 🎂 🍠 🥤

All is well. 🤔
I bet people totally admire the expert advice you give.
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by Anonymous)
How honest can I be? Telling her the whole truth will only hurt her, start an argument, and have her jumping to conclusions that to her will mean I don't love her anymore, just because she's put on weight.
um. let her. let her be in a strop. at least she knows. if she keeps at it and it stays bad/gets worse, u do realise u are totally free to leave dont you?? if u dont wanna leave then stop ya whinging and crack on with it and leave her to her maccas and nandos lol.
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by SMEGGGY)
Just go bang some fitties, she won't know bro 😉
(Original post by Dunya)
Because that's so helping to improve the situation!
LOL :rofl:
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Bang Outta Order
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ima be mad if op is fat himself kmt
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Telling her about this will probably make her more insecure, causing her to dress frumpier. If you're only attracted to her because of her body then gtfo of the relationship and let her find someone who loves her whatever she looks like. This is coming from a fat person.
Op never said he was ONLY attracted to her because of her body. But he has every right to no longer be physically attracted to her if her current appearance just isn’t what he goes for. And he’s been very supportive by trying to help her lose the weight, but her lack of commitment to me says she is the one who doesn’t care. Theres no point her saying i know I’ve put on weight and want to lose it, but she doesn’t have the dedication to keep it up. If you met someone and fell for them, then they changed drastically, whether it be physically or even their personality... you’re trying to say it’s not normal lose those feelings? Props to OP for sticking around and trying to help instead if straight away just leaving. This shows he isn’t shallow and he cares about her health and well being. If she’s not accepting the support, why should he suffer?
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Faith.A
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You could be sly about it and say that a work colleague or friend has recently come to you for relationship advice and present your GF a similar - but not too similar - set of facts. That this 'colleague's partner' has recently gained weight and they don't know how to go about it and is asking for advice. Present this dilemma to your GF and hear what her approach would be. Then depending on her answer, put that advice into action a couple weeks/ months down the line. Again, this is a sly/ coy way of doing it and could potentially backfire if she recalls later on but the best person to ask how they would want to be treated in a given scenario is the person themself.

But this is coming from someone who's single so take it with a pinch of salt :dontknow:
Last edited by Faith.A; 4 days ago
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