Still not over ex boyfriend. Watch
The thing is I don't even want to be with him, he admitted he treated me badly and was a controlling boyfriend but I just cannot move on. I would like to see him before I leave for university as closure (is this a good idea????).
Im 18 years old and I was dating my ex for about 5 months but were exclusive about 2. So he was my first boyfriend (and I am also a boy) and I completely became obsessed with him and at the time he was my only source of happiness and I was completely dependent on him. In retrospect it was one of the most toxic relationships I've ever experienced. He was really caring but the whole relationship made me extremely insecure because all I did was compare myself to him. Regardless, he broke up with me at the start of summer (about 2 and a half months ago) and it completely devastated me. I was severely depressed for nearly 5 weeks and currently I am vaguely stable but with quite bad anxiety. I didn't see or speak to him for almost 7 weeks but we met up recently and he was talking about how happy he is and how his life is better than ever, and I obviously didn't want to seem sad so I told him the same. Anyway, he ended up staying the night. Since then we've had a little bit of contact but what is destroying me is the thought of him being with another person. When we met he was telling me of all the people he'd been with (including three girls he'd slept with with). This honestly broke my heart but what upsets me more is the thought of him being with another guy given that I was the first boy he'd ever even kissed. I'm going to university in just over a week and I cannot get the painful thoughts of him being with another guy out of my head. It is something I think about nearly most of my day. I'm still completely in love with him and he is not going to uni this year as he is a year younger but I don't want to enter university with this negative mindset. The thoughts don't trigger any sort of depression (which I haven't experienced for over nearly 3 weeks) but give me major anxiety and I really am looking to revolutionise my life at university and make a complete new set of friends but the thoughts of my ex are genuinely holding me back. I just need to know a solution to stop feeling so envious, anxious and truly sick to my stomach when I picture him with another person.
The thing is I don't even want to be with him, he admitted he treated me badly and was a controlling boyfriend but I just cannot move on. I would like to see him before I leave for university as closure (is this a