my parents are demanding me to come home from uni already

I moved into halls today even though my parents were not at all happy with me doing that I explained I want a good education which is partly true but they think I plan to get drunk and sleep around, they originally went back on their word so I snuck out on the train to get to uni now they are ringing me angry and asking where I am etc the thing is I do want to drink and socialise and yes maybe sleep with someone but not do it regularly, what do I do?

Reply 1

Pathway

20

You're an adult, they need to let you live your life.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Pathway

You're an adult, they need to let you live your life.

try telling them that when I tell them this they say I am rude and disrespectful

Reply 3

Pathway

20

Original post by Anonymous

try telling them that when I tell them this they say I am rude and disrespectful

Well, point still stands. You're an adult. If you don't want to live in their house/you want to live at university, do it. Don't let them stop you. Might be worth getting a job and saving money in the event they don't want you to come back. Give them some breathing room and explain your reasons.

Reply 4

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

I moved into halls today even though my parents were not at all happy with me doing that I explained I want a good education which is partly true but they think I plan to get drunk and sleep around, they originally went back on their word so I snuck out on the train to get to uni now they are ringing me angry and asking where I am etc the thing is I do want to drink and socialise and yes maybe sleep with someone but not do it regularly, what do I do?

You really dont give much context or explain it very well.

You know them and we do not.

Can they kick you out?
Is there some religious or cultural angle?
Are you likely to want to want to drink or sleep around?

You are going to have to go back home and give up on uni or tough it out and ignore them. You might want a fmaily friend to act as peacebroker.
I would also be getting another phone or sim and only read their messages one a day or every few days.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by 999tigger

You really dont give much context or explain it very well.

You know them and we do not.

Can they kick you out?
Is there some religious or cultural angle?
Are you likely to want to want to drink or sleep around?

You are going to have to go back home and give up on uni or tough it out and ignore them. You might want a fmaily friend to act as peacebroker.
I would also be getting another phone or sim and only read their messages one a day or every few days.

they are religious yes they make me go to church but I really don't want to, I am not gonna lie I do want a drink but not get stupid drunk and I would like to have sex again not all the time but they don't need to know this surely, they have said if I don't come home then they wont let me come home in future

Reply 6

saharatears1

2

Tell them you love and respect them, but they have to let you do what you feel is best for your life now, which is learning to be your own person, independent of them. You need the freedom to grow as a person, and part of that is being away from them for a little while. Let them know you will be back home on the holidays, and you will phone every weekend in the meantime. Stand your ground if they wont accept this, and get some part time work for a flat deposit as a just in case you need it, at the end of your course.

Reply 7

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

they are religious yes they make me go to church but I really don't want to, I am not gonna lie I do want a drink but not get stupid drunk and I would like to have sex again not all the time but they don't need to know this surely, they have said if I don't come home then they wont let me come home in future

So beings the estrangement then give up uni or give up home.
If you plan on staying you need to do well in exams, get on record you are going to be estranged plus get a job to cover yourself during the holidays.
Sounds like they want to keep controlling you even though you are eighteen.

Drink and sex are irrelevant imo more about being controlled and education.

Strange parenting.

Reply 8

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by Anonymous

try telling them that when I tell them this they say I am rude and disrespectful

It's actually them that are being rude and disrespectful.

You carry on with uni. And please go ahead and do all the things you want to do.

Try, if you can, to gather any evidence of them putting unfair pressure on you to return home. Any such attempt on their part would probably be illegal. Although pragmatically, what you did about it may well be another matter entirely. It all depends on the degree and nature of their coercion.

999tigger's advice about cutting down on the phone contact with them is sound advice. Simply tell them that there's nothing productive about talking to them at the moment and that you intend leaving them to cool down for a while. Whilst reassuring them that you are fine, acting sensibly and are thriving at uni. And thanking them for their concern.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

I would try and calmly re-explain the positives to being in halls. Emphasis the education, being close to the university and library, space to work ect. Also maybe tell them you will send them updates on what you've been doing, and then send photos of you making dinner, or working or having a coffee weigh a flatmate. And then after a while they might see that your not just out drinking and partying all the time. Try and ask if you can both come to a compromise?
Sounds like a difficult situation and good luck 🙂

my parents are demanding me to come home from uni already

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