Super strict mum re: dating Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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I'm 19 and in my first year of college but I still live at home. I've met a really nice (21 year old) guy and we're secretly dating, but I'm so scared to tell my mum. She never once had the talk with me, and acts like birth control and sex and all that doesn't exist, but I plucked up my courage and asked her a couple weeks ago what the minimum age is to date (according to her) and she said 25. She 100% wasn't joking - she said it's not a good idea to date or move out before then because you're only mature enough to do those things once you're 25. I tried to go out with a guy (and tell her that he was just my friend) a few months ago and she got so angry and would hardly talk to me for a week. How do I tell her that this new guy is my actual boyfriend and we've been dating for 2 months behind her back?? Ta...
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Killbills
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#2
Report 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 19 and in my first year of college but I still live at home. I've met a really nice (21 year old) guy and we're secretly dating, but I'm so scared to tell my mum. She never once had the talk with me, and acts like birth control and sex and all that doesn't exist, but I plucked up my courage and asked her a couple weeks ago what the minimum age is to date (according to her) and she said 25. She 100% wasn't joking - she said it's not a good idea to date or move out before then because you're only mature enough to do those things once you're 25. I tried to go out with a guy (and tell her that he was just my friend) a few months ago and she got so angry and would hardly talk to me for a week. How do I tell her that this new guy is my actual boyfriend and we've been dating for 2 months behind her back?? Ta...
It sounds like there are the two of you? No Dad, siblings?
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Yes I live only with her. My dad passed, and siblings are almost 10 years older than me and have moved out.
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Killbills
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I live only with her. My dad passed, and siblings are almost 10 years older than me and have moved out.
I see, not an easy situation, your Mum feels she is double responsible for you - she has taken the place of your Dad - and you feel responsible for her happiness. You don't want to leave, she would be alone and subconsciously she procrastinates your being adult as much as possible. No way she can really believe you have to wait until 25 before having a boyfriend and you... don't want to be harsh but... you should not ask her when dating is legit! Don't encourage her! She might need some help in terms of counselling maybe? She might still be grieving for the loss of your Dad? Don't bear everything on your shoulders, at 19 you have the right to be happy, to think about your future, projects and so on. Allow yourself to be free, don't ask for it.
In practical terms, invite your BF over more frequently, be natural and don't feel the need to tell her he's your boyfriend. Just be natural and let her be used to his presence. A big hug x
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