Why don't I want my 1st boyfriend anymore? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Hi so I'm 19 and had never been in a relationship until I started dating this guy from college one month ago. He is an absolutely lovely guy - I couldn't ask for anyone nicer - and at the start I was super excited - heart skipped a beat every time he texted etc - but now I'm not sure if I want to be in a relationship after all.

I am super busy with university and work, so when he wants me to meet up a few times a week and for me to leave the house on my one day off per week, it's a bit tiring. It sounds selfish, but I like having one day to relax, stay home and catch up on assignments, and now I use it to see him once more. It almost feels like a chore, but then again, once I make the effort to leave the house then we have a lot of fun and time goes quickly when we talk.

Also, he has never been in a relationship either (he is 19 too) so we are super awkward at normal relationship things. It took us 6 catchups to start hugging and then we ended up kissing briefly for the first time ever (both of our first kiss!) a couple times later, but we haven't kissed again after that - and we've seen each other a few times since then. Sometimes I think he wants to kiss me, because he's staring into my eyes, but I look away awkwardly because we are always in public spaces like the library or in popular areas on campus, and I am way too embarrassed to kiss in front of people. (The one time we did kiss, we were in a park outside of the college grounds, where no one could see us.)

We hug goodbye, flirt a bit over text, send love hearts with our goodnight messages, call each other girlfriend/boyfriend just in front of each other, but apart from that it's like it's a completely platonic relationship. There is nowhere we can have real privacy either, because my parents are so strict and won't happily let me date, so I haven't told them about him - and this means he can't come to my house and I'm not comfortable lying to my parents to go to his house.

Part of me badly wants to make out with him and experiment some but there is no where to do it, so so far we've just had one peck on the lips and some hugs. I have started watching romantic films and picturing me and him in them. On the other hand, part of me wants to break up with him and just go back to my old single life that was a lot easier. I'm thinking part of my hesitation might be because I hate keeping this secret from my parents. Or do I just not like him enough? Is it normal to kind of dread our catchups? Today he had to cancel our normal Tuesday catchup and I was happy I could just go home and relax by myself. I'm so confused what to do. If I was going to date someone, I'd want it to be him (although I'd much prefer he be more proactive in flirting and actually dating me...) But maybe I don't want to date anyone? What do you think?? Am I assexual or non-commital or something?
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HumblyBumbly
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#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi so I'm 19 and had never been in a relationship until I started dating this guy from college one month ago. He is an absolutely lovely guy - I couldn't ask for anyone nicer - and at the start I was super excited - heart skipped a beat every time he texted etc - but now I'm not sure if I want to be in a relationship after all.

I am super busy with university and work, so when he wants me to meet up a few times a week and for me to leave the house on my one day off per week, it's a bit tiring. It sounds selfish, but I like having one day to relax, stay home and catch up on assignments, and now I use it to see him once more. It almost feels like a chore, but then again, once I make the effort to leave the house then we have a lot of fun and time goes quickly when we talk.

Also, he has never been in a relationship either (he is 19 too) so we are super awkward at normal relationship things. It took us 6 catchups to start hugging and then we ended up kissing briefly for the first time ever (both of our first kiss!) a couple times later, but we haven't kissed again after that - and we've seen each other a few times since then. Sometimes I think he wants to kiss me, because he's staring into my eyes, but I look away awkwardly because we are always in public spaces like the library or in popular areas on campus, and I am way too embarrassed to kiss in front of people. (The one time we did kiss, we were in a park outside of the college grounds, where no one could see us.)

We hug goodbye, flirt a bit over text, send love hearts with our goodnight messages, call each other girlfriend/boyfriend just in front of each other, but apart from that it's like it's a completely platonic relationship. There is nowhere we can have real privacy either, because my parents are so strict and won't happily let me date, so I haven't told them about him - and this means he can't come to my house and I'm not comfortable lying to my parents to go to his house.

Part of me badly wants to make out with him and experiment some but there is no where to do it, so so far we've just had one peck on the lips and some hugs. I have started watching romantic films and picturing me and him in them. On the other hand, part of me wants to break up with him and just go back to my old single life that was a lot easier. I'm thinking part of my hesitation might be because I hate keeping this secret from my parents. Or do I just not like him enough? Is it normal to kind of dread our catchups? Today he had to cancel our normal Tuesday catchup and I was happy I could just go home and relax by myself. I'm so confused what to do. If I was going to date someone, I'd want it to be him (although I'd much prefer he be more proactive in flirting and actually dating me...) But maybe I don't want to date anyone? What do you think?? Am I assexual or non-commital or something?
maybe it isn't working out in terms of the physical chemistry the way you want it to? I don't think you should over-think it. My first relationship was like that in the sense that I wasn't feeling the spark whereas she did and I questioned myself non-stop (same sorts of things as above although never did I think I was asexual haha) but like that happens.

Also sounds like you guys have different priorities so maybe in terms of work are on different wavelengths which has happened to me plenty of times where I am more hardworking than the girl and then she doesn't really get it. Ends up being a bit of a hassle between us.
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Danelius
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#3
Report 4 weeks ago
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Life is an experience and you have to make your own decisions. The wise can give guidance but one must experience their own path. It's part of growing as a human being - a conscious soul. You'll make correct and wrong decisions but that's OK. Just be open and honest as communication is key. We are all different walks of life...
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