Mum angry at my eating Watch
Yesterday I binged on some muesli while my mum was at work. Today I woke up, asked her how she slept, and she said "terrible!!!" and said she couldn't sleep well because she was so angry. She's upset I ate 'so much' muesli and yelled at me for a while about how I eat too much and said I eat at least 5000 calories per day (I don't think this is true!! I am relatively heavy for a long-distance runner of my level but still kinda thin (but muscly) by normal standards) and yelled that I'll have diabetes by the end of the year for sure.
Even over the last year she has always been saying 'now remember, you don't have to eat all of this. Just eat until you're not hungry', and 'are you sure you need more?' and 'you have eaten so much' and 'you always keep eating and you're never full' and 'you are hungry all the time because you overeat and your stomach has become really stretched because of this' and complains saying she has to buy way more food now. I burnt about 2500 calories from my run on Sunday and when I got home and had something to eat, I was still hungry and wanted to get something else to eat, and she said I had eaten enough and to wait at least two hours so I didn't stretch my stomach even more.
The first time I remember her making me feel bad about my weight was when I was 14 and a smaller runner beat me, and she said to someone else (within earshot of me) that I lost (I still came 2nd!) because I weighed 10kg more than that runner. Personally I think it would have been 5kg and the runner was shorter than me too, but it was really upsetting.
Since then I've just been in a cycle of losing weight for big races and then often gaining it back on and I know this is my problem but I feel like my mum is making it all so much worse. I now feel embarrassed to eat in front of her because she judges what I eat. I made homemade pizza the other day instead of having store-bought pizza, because I enjoy eating healthily and want to get back to race weight, and I added some extra pineapple to my pizza and mum said 'no you've got enough, I thought you wanted to have a healthy pizza? There are X calories in that tin'
I'm really struggling!