I have weekly Sex Therapy and Relationship Counselling- AMA

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ProbablyPallas
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#1
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#1
Hey!

So I've noticed a lot of people have misconceptions or questions about relationship counselling and sex therapy, so I thought I'd just open up this post if people have anything they'd like to ask!

I attend with my fiancé weekly mostly to combat intimacy problems we're facing triggered by a miscarriage and PTSD from past relationships. It was a mutual decision to go and we feel as though it's making a difference. I don't think people should be ashamed of things like this or brush it under the rug, so if you have any questions, ask away!
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DrawTheLine
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#2
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#2
(Original post by ProbablyPallas)
Hey!

So I've noticed a lot of people have misconceptions or questions about relationship counselling and sex therapy, so I thought I'd just open up this post if people have anything they'd like to ask!

I attend with my fiancé weekly mostly to combat intimacy problems we're facing triggered by a miscarriage and PTSD from past relationships. It was a mutual decision to go and we feel as though it's making a difference. I don't think people should be ashamed of things like this or brush it under the rug, so if you have any questions, ask away!
Is it awkward to talk about such personal issues with a stranger?

This is a great thread, and hopefully will put anyone's mind at ease about going to counselling like this!
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idk01
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#3
After seeing 'sex therapy' in the title I clicked on this thread ready to make a joke but your post is very refreshing and I'm sure relates to more couples than one might expect; it's good to see you're open about this and I wish the best for you and your partner
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ProbablyPallas
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Is it awkward to talk about such personal issues with a stranger?

This is a great thread, and hopefully will put anyone's mind at ease about going to counselling like this!
It can be at first! Though for the counselling part, they're more there to prompt you to open up to your partner, so it's mainly just you talking to your partner about how you're feeling in a controlled environment, and then they ask questions to prompt you to open up about perhaps why you act or think the way you do, but to be honest you forget they're there sometimes. The counsellor doesn't advise, just helps you to open up and it definitely has helped me and my fiancé to understand each other better.

The sex therapy was a little more awkward at first, since you don't want to be crude and it can be a little bit embarrassing to say not everything is going great in the bedroom. The sex therapist DOES advise, and gives you "homework" that you can try out at home and then go back and explain if it did or didn't work and why. These exercises can be as simple as just cuddling together, or having 5 minutes of skin to skin contact while talking to one another. Once you start feeding back it's a little bit less awkward, but it's always worth remembering that this is their job and nothing you say is going to phase them in any way, and they're there to help you. For us, it's been about building up feelings of safety and trust, since before whenever my fiancé tried to initiate anything it was 50/50 whether or not I'd have a flashback and a panic attack or not. By working on building up trust it's definitely helped me to remember that he isn't going to hurt me, and in turn that's helped me feel more comfortable being intimate. It gets less awkward as time goes on since each little victory, whether it being able to cuddle together without freaking out or actually having sex, is exciting and you feel proud of yourself, and the therapist is over the moon when things start to work more often than not

So even at first it may seem daunting to open up, but remembering that they're there to help you and that you'll get out what you put in really helps
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ProbablyPallas
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(Original post by idk01)
After seeing 'sex therapy' in the title I clicked on this thread ready to make a joke but your post is very refreshing and I'm sure relates to more couples than one might expect; it's good to see you're open about this and I wish the best for you and your partner
Haha, I can imagine! Thank you so much! I just hope i can clear some things up about it and maybe make some people see it as an option! I was super nervous about it when we first started with it, so hopefully if someone is in the same position as I was it can make them feel a little more at ease
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londonmyst
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Did you have to wait for an NHS referral or pay privately to start immediately?
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ProbablyPallas
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#7
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#7
(Original post by londonmyst)
Did you have to wait for an NHS referral or pay privately to start immediately?
We're going private, which is quite costly but my partner is willing to pay it since he goes away in December and we'd like to get things back on track before then.

As for NHS, you can actually self refer for talk therapies, just ask your GP or Google your nearest NHS therapy/wellness centre and sign yourself up This goes for anxiety, depression, bipolar e.c.t too, however the waiting lists tend to be about 6 weeks unfortunately.
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