What are people’s problems with me? Watch

Anonymous #1
Report Thread starter 5 months ago
I am 18 now but can’t help but think about the past and what I went though in secondary school. I was getting bullied by a girl who died when we were 17 and this other girl went to her and her group of friends and told her that I had cancer (when I have Russell silver syndrome but didn’t know at the time) when I was little and I still have it now. This went around my whole year group of girls, or at least majority. Form girls kept staring at me after that and one girl asked me and I said no. I confronted the girl who spread that rumour and she lied and said my mum told her mum that I have cancer and ever since then girls looked at me with sympathy and saw me as weak and vulnerable. This really hurt me because people believes false rumours about me so I harmed myself at the age of 12. My sister found out and told me to stop because people will see in PE so I stopped.

2 years on a girl tried to beat me up in dance changing rooms and got scratched her as self defence and she said “don’t touch me bruv” and then I said that I have cancer because I knew everyone thought it anyway. The girl who died backed me and said “she does”. Everyone kept staring at me and the girl who tried to beat me up, let me go. She said “does that make me a criminal?” “Are you going to snitch?”. I said no and walked away and they talked about me and then in year 11 when I was 16, another girl asked me if I said I got cancer for attention but I didn’t, and I explained what happened in year 7.

I regret saying that obviously and people in primary school know what I went through but it wasn’t cancer. I shouldn’t have said that but I only said it at the time to get her to let me go and people thought it anyway. In a way I wish the rumours were true so then these rumours wouldn’t go around. Plus how do they know it isn’t true? When I heard the main bully died I was glad at first but obviously had sympathy for her mum later.

I moved for sixth form and got bullied there but it wasn’t verbal bullying. I had to drop out of year 13 because I got sick due to bullying and I had suicidal thoughts because I know this life is all about illness and bullying. I wanted it all to stop. I was also upset at the prospect of never studying again because I have completely lost my head.
I know I need to move on with my life but I have a lot of time on my hands since I am not working or studying now and just at home doing nothing because of my illness, but I guess I need to forget about that and move on.
Badges: 9
Report 5 months ago
I'm sorry you've been through so much. There is clearly a lot to unpack in this post and, even if I could unpack it all, I doubt I would provide any meaningful advice. It's sad that your whole life has been affected so much by bullying and it might be hard to see there being more to life than sadness and fear right now. I can't tell you I know how you feel or that it'll get better - I've never been through anything like you have. I just wanted to tell you that you're strong and should keep fighting for a better life. Kids are mean but adults, broadly, grow kinder with age. I hope that fact can be some solace for you.

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