I'm Bengali and I find it so difficult to socialise with other Bengalis. Why? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
As the title says, I am ethnically Bengali (as in Bangladeshi Bengali) and throughout my life (I'm 20 now) I've found it really difficult to get on with some other Bengalis. Now before anyone calls me a coconut, I do have really close Bengali friends who I have no problem getting on with (probably because they're my parents' friends) and I actually am really close with my culture and I love it. However, throughout secondary school, sixth form and even now in university (guess where I go, lol), I just find it very difficult. I've tried to get on well with everyone and they just don't like me. I'm really close to Pakistanis and Indians and they don't seem to have a problem with me.

I was talking to my cousin about this the other day and she was saying how because a lot of Benglais in East London are from working class backgrounds (nothing wrong with that) and they just can't handle it when someone is supposedly "better than them" (as in because both of my parents have been university educated and we don't live on a council estate). Now, I would never look down on someone because they live on a council estate or any stupid reason like that. I just find it so shocking that as soon as people from my uni ask me questions about my upbringing and my parents' wealth (like we even have any, I'm not a billionaire's daughter for god's sake), that they get really offended and keep interrogating me about it as if I'm lying. What's even worse is when they assume that I'm just like them and I supposedly relate to everything that has gone on in their lives. For example, the Bengali girls in my uni assumed that one of my parents married the other just to be legal, when they were both born and brought up in the UK.

Can someone give me some genuine advice? If I'm wrong then please do say why. I just want to get one well with everyone. If you want to know anything else, do leave a post and I'll reply to it.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As the title says, I am ethnically Bengali (as in Bangladeshi Bengali) and throughout my life (I'm 20 now) I've found it really difficult to get on with some other Bengalis. Now before anyone calls me a coconut, I do have really close Bengali friends who I have no problem getting on with (probably because they're my parents' friends) and I actually am really close with my culture and I love it. However, throughout secondary school, sixth form and even now in university (guess where I go, lol), I just find it very difficult. I've tried to get on well with everyone and they just don't like me. I'm really close to Pakistanis and Indians and they don't seem to have a problem with me.

I was talking to my cousin about this the other day and she was saying how because a lot of Benglais in East London are from working class backgrounds (nothing wrong with that) and they just can't handle it when someone is supposedly "better than them" (as in because both of my parents have been university educated and we don't live on a council estate). Now, I would never look down on someone because they live on a council estate or any stupid reason like that. I just find it so shocking that as soon as people from my uni ask me questions about my upbringing and my parents' wealth (like we even have any, I'm not a billionaire's daughter for god's sake), that they get really offended and keep interrogating me about it as if I'm lying. What's even worse is when they assume that I'm just like them and I supposedly relate to everything that has gone on in their lives. For example, the Bengali girls in my uni assumed that one of my parents married the other just to be legal, when they were both born and brought up in the UK.

Can someone give me some genuine advice? If I'm wrong then please do say why. I just want to get one well with everyone. If you want to know anything else, do leave a post and I'll reply to it.
Which university do you go to because in London there's a lot of Bengalis
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Which university do you go to because in London there's a lot of Bengalis
I'll give you a couple of clues, it's in East London and it's a Russell Group uni.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll give you a couple of clues, it's in East London and it's a Russell Group uni.
QMUL?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
QMUL?
Did you have any actual advice for me by any chance or are you just going to guess what university I go to.
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Anonymous #3
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Maybe either because you dont relate to their situations/upbringing they dont like that and find it difficult to accept or you maybe come across as stuck up or maybe they are just ***** lmao idk but at least you have other south asian friends
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Maybe either because you dont relate to their situations/upbringing they dont like that and find it difficult to accept or you maybe come across as stuck up or maybe they are just ***** lmao idk but at least you have other south asian friends
That's what I don't understand about them - it's not like I chose to have a different upbringing to them. Yes, I'm really happy that I do have other south asian friends . Thanks for your reply x
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Did you have any actual advice for me by any chance or are you just going to guess what university I go to.
Well now I can understand why you have this problem
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well now I can understand why you have this problem
Lol, enlighten me then
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Shaista_A
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Its really not that deep sis , just focus on education , they have their reaons and let’s just leave it at that.
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dyingstudent101
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Nah it’s the whole thinking that you’re better than them that means you can’t socialize with them.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by dyingstudent101)
Nah it’s the whole thinking that you’re better than them that means you can’t socialize with them.
But I don't think I'm better than them though, and I would never think that about anyone. Maybe that's just how it's interpreted. Thanks for your reply anyway.
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lifeshard..
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nah, its probably your attitude. your post sounds a bit cocky and self centred. my parents used to work but are on benefits now and we have our own house and are still able to do stuff. i have friends who are struggling, middle class, working class, rich private school friends and foreign friends. i do struggle to make friends and am awkward but i think jealousy or relatively is nothing but more of personality.

p.s. im bengali too
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dyingstudent101
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But I don't think I'm better than them though, and I would never think that about anyone. Maybe that's just how it's interpreted. Thanks for your reply anyway.
You do it subconsciously then. Reread your post and tell me you don’t seem incredibly arrogant.

Plus, how is every other Bengali in the wrong for seeming disinterested in you? The common denominator is you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by dyingstudent101)
You do it subconsciously then. Reread your post and tell me you don’t seem incredibly arrogant.

Plus, how is every other Bengali in the wrong for seeming disinterested in you? The common denominator is you.
Well it is very difficult to convey emotions through written text and I'm sorry if you felt that I came across as arrogant (I genuinely didn't mean to). Is there something specific about my post that made you think that?

And I did say that I do have Bengali friends and this "problem" is just with some of them. To add on to that, it's not like there is anyone "in the wrong", I think it's just a big misunderstanding.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lifeshard..)
nah, its probably your attitude. your post sounds a bit cocky and self centred. my parents used to work but are on benefits now and we have our own house and are still able to do stuff. i have friends who are struggling, middle class, working class, rich private school friends and foreign friends. i do struggle to make friends and am awkward but i think jealousy or relatively is nothing but more of personality.

p.s. im bengali too
I'm sorry you felt that my post came across that way because if anything I'm quite shy in real life. But this whole thing about personality, wouldn't it mean that I just wouldn't get on with anyone? And I do have friends from all sorts of backgrounds (including some Bengali) and I would never claim to be "better than" someone else just because I came from a different background.

Thanks for your reply.
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Amon-ster
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm sorry you felt that my post came across that way because if anything I'm quite shy in real life. But this whole thing about personality, wouldn't it mean that I just wouldn't get on with anyone? And I do have friends from all sorts of backgrounds (including some Bengali) and I would never claim to be "better than" someone else just because I came from a different background.

Thanks for your reply.
There's your answer
You're quite shy
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Anonymous #3
#18
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get white friends problem sorted
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lifeshard..
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm sorry you felt that my post came across that way because if anything I'm quite shy in real life. im not offeBut this whole thing about personality, wouldn't it mean that I just wouldn't get on with anyone? And I do have friends from all sorts of backgrounds (including some Bengali) and I would never claim to be "better than" someone else just because I came from a different background.

Thanks for your reply.
im not offended i was just answering your question and giving an example of how i am. btw, most people do not admit to bad qualities like getting angry easily or discrimintaing against others because of their style. others can point it out to you by your actions, responses, the way you say things and what you say
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As the title says, I am ethnically Bengali (as in Bangladeshi Bengali) and throughout my life (I'm 20 now) I've found it really difficult to get on with some other Bengalis. Now before anyone calls me a coconut, I do have really close Bengali friends who I have no problem getting on with (probably because they're my parents' friends) and I actually am really close with my culture and I love it. However, throughout secondary school, sixth form and even now in university (guess where I go, lol), I just find it very difficult. I've tried to get on well with everyone and they just don't like me. I'm really close to Pakistanis and Indians and they don't seem to have a problem with me.

I was talking to my cousin about this the other day and she was saying how because a lot of Benglais in East London are from working class backgrounds (nothing wrong with that) and they just can't handle it when someone is supposedly "better than them" (as in because both of my parents have been university educated and we don't live on a council estate). Now, I would never look down on someone because they live on a council estate or any stupid reason like that. I just find it so shocking that as soon as people from my uni ask me questions about my upbringing and my parents' wealth (like we even have any, I'm not a billionaire's daughter for god's sake), that they get really offended and keep interrogating me about it as if I'm lying. What's even worse is when they assume that I'm just like them and I supposedly relate to everything that has gone on in their lives. For example, the Bengali girls in my uni assumed that one of my parents married the other just to be legal, when they were both born and brought up in the UK.

Can someone give me some genuine advice? If I'm wrong then please do say why. I just want to get one well with everyone. If you want to know anything else, do leave a post and I'll reply to it.
Here is your problem: " you want to get on with everyone- especially the Bengali speakers some of whom don't seem to like you! What you will realise within a few years is that yiu will need to be yourself and that not everybody will like or dislike you! Some will even be ambivalent about you! So what? This is called life. Be yourself and get on with life!
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