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Ciel.
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#61
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#61
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he called my new art project "another piece of ****", but that's okay, in less than a year my art will be everywhere. so i'm not mad.
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username4952620
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#62
Report 2 years ago
#62
(Original post by Ciel.)
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he called my new art project "another piece of ****", but that's okay, in less than a year my art will be everywhere. so i'm not mad.
i don’t get it. if he treats you like that then why is he still with you? not only that but let’s you stay at his place for free and pays everything for you. but then ****s on your work that you worked hard on?
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Ciel.
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#63
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#63
(Original post by IH8Studying)
i don’t get it. if he treats you like that then why is he still with you? not only that but let’s you stay at his place for free and pays everything for you. but then ****s on your work that you worked hard on?
because i'm hot and good in bed? lol. i mean, i'm pretty sure he actually loves me. but i'm a very difficult person to be with. and he had a bad day at work. we fight a lot, it's just the way things are.
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Ciel.
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#64
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#64
i can't sleeeep. and it's only 9am, it's my bf's fault for texting me
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Ciel.
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#65
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#65
why am i awakeee at this ungodly hour grr
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Ciel.
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#66
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#66
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i can't sleep, i'm super hungry, super annoyed, and need more valium
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Ciel.
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#67
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#67
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i can't sleep again, i need stronger sleep meds
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Ciel.
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#68
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#68
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me finally embracing my dark side. planning to stay up all night tonight, bye valium, i need to stay awake tonight, and work on my art project. no sleep, no, no, no.
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Ciel.
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#69
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#69
everything i do is pointless.
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Pathway
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#70
Report 2 years ago
#70
(Original post by Ciel.)
everything i do is pointless.
What's up? Here if you need to talk.
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Ciel.
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#71
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#71
(Original post by Pathway)
What's up? Here if you need to talk.
thanks. that means a lot. but no amount of talking will help here.
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Pathway
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#72
Report 2 years ago
#72
(Original post by Ciel.)
thanks. that means a lot. but no amount of talking will help here.
You never know, it might, but I know it's hard to talk sometimes (or all the time lol). You're not alone regardless. If I can help at all, don't hesitate to ask?

And for the record, I don't think what you do is pointless. I hope things look up for you soon. And I hope you know I care about you, even if I am a random stranger on the internet.
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Ciel.
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#73
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#73
(Original post by Pathway)
You never know, it might, but I know it's hard to talk sometimes (or all the time lol). You're not alone regardless. If I can help at all, don't hesitate to ask?

And for the record, I don't think what you do is pointless. I hope things look up for you soon. And I hope you know I care about you, even if I am a random stranger on the internet.
yeah. it is.
i know what you mean. after all, we are in the same boat. so even though we are strangers, it's like we can still relate to each other in, in a way.
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Pathway
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#74
Report 2 years ago
#74
(Original post by Ciel.)
yeah. it is.
i know what you mean. after all, we are in the same boat. so even though we are strangers, it's like we can still relate to each other in, in a way.
Exactly. It's why I don't mind helping or just listening, I know how difficult it can be to manage everything. But I also know trauma can **** with you and make you not want to get support or "deal with" other people for one reason or another (ie you're scared or some other reason, I have countless reasons why I avoid people, especially offline!).

No pressure, just the option is there (as always). But truly, I do care, and I'm a bit "off" with my sleep schedule (what's new seriously haha! :ninja: ), so I'll be around for quite a few hours yet. Even if just talking about random other things will help, I don't mind. You don't have to deal with everything by yourself. :nah:
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Ciel.
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#75
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#75
(Original post by Pathway)
Exactly. It's why I don't mind helping or just listening, I know how difficult it can be to manage everything. But I also know trauma can **** with you and make you not want to get support or "deal with" other people for one reason or another (ie you're scared or some other reason, I have countless reasons why I avoid people, especially offline!).

No pressure, just the option is there (as always). But truly, I do care, and I'm a bit "off" with my sleep schedule (what's new seriously haha! :ninja: ), so I'll be around for quite a few hours yet. Even if just talking about random other things will help, I don't mind. You don't have to deal with everything by yourself. :nah:
i get really bad lows sometimes. for no apparent reason. eh, yeah, it just ****s you up forever, doesn't it.
thanks, i'll keep that in mind.
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Pathway
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#76
Report 2 years ago
#76
(Original post by Ciel.)
i get really bad lows sometimes. for no apparent reason. eh, yeah, it just ****s you up forever, doesn't it.
thanks, i'll keep that in mind.
I've seen, do they happen frequently? Yeah, it really does, but I guess we can't really change what's happened (unfortunately), but we do have more control over the here and now. I like to hope that things can change, although I feel like I'm gonna be hopelessly stuck for the rest of my life.

:hugs:
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Ciel.
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#77
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#77
(Original post by Pathway)
I've seen, do they happen frequently? Yeah, it really does, but I guess we can't really change what's happened (unfortunately), but we do have more control over the here and now. I like to hope that things can change, although I feel like I'm gonna be hopelessly stuck for the rest of my life.

:hugs:
kinda, yeah. and same here, i feel like a completely different person. and it's not a good thing, lol.
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Pathway
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#78
Report 2 years ago
#78
(Original post by Ciel.)
kinda, yeah. and same here, i feel like a completely different person. and it's not a good thing, lol.
I do know mood issues (like going up and down mood wise) can be related to trauma. Like messed up nervous system stuff, takes time to rewire that, but isn't impossible. I am fairly consistent in my mood though, in that it is basically always low, which I think frustrates some people (which makes me avoid people more). Oh well. I do get why it would feel unsettling though, especially if it causes you to feel like a different person. What sorta things helps you when things are particularly bad? Did something set tonight off for you?

You don't have to say if you don't want to, by the way.
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Ciel.
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#79
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#79
(Original post by Pathway)
I do know mood issues (like going up and down mood wise) can be related to trauma. Like messed up nervous system stuff, takes time to rewire that, but isn't impossible. I am fairly consistent in my mood though, in that it is basically always low, which I think frustrates some people (which makes me avoid people more). Oh well. I do get why it would feel unsettling though, especially if it causes you to feel like a different person. What sorta things helps you when things are particularly bad? Did something set tonight off for you?

You don't have to say if you don't want to, by the way.
i'm certain they are in my case. but people can be so ignorant. like, with their dumb suggestions about bipolar etc. which can be very frustrating. always low, huh? that sucks. i like my 'happy' moods, but more often than not, they're pretty disastrous. oh, and it depends. tbh normally i just take more valium, or have a couple of drinks. just to make everything feel less real. it's little stupid things sometimes.... eh, what can you do.
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Pathway
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#80
Report 2 years ago
#80
(Original post by Ciel.)
i'm certain they are in my case. but people can be so ignorant. like, with their dumb suggestions about bipolar etc. which can be very frustrating. always low, huh? that sucks. i like my 'happy' moods, but more often than not, they're pretty disastrous. oh, and it depends. tbh normally i just take more valium, or have a couple of drinks. just to make everything feel less real. it's little stupid things sometimes.... eh, what can you do.
It's unfortunate, I think even a lot of psychiatrists don't realise what trauma can do to a person tbh. But the impact on the nervous system is a very real issue and can cause havoc elsewhere (e.g. digestion, sleep, heart, etc.). Trauma plays a massive role in MH issues, tbh, I wish people (including professionals) realised this and recognised it in their patients. I read a study about Adverse Childhood Experiences and those who had higher scores had higher rates of disease in adulthood. Sad when you think about it.

Yeah, but I am not even sure if my mood related issue is primarily mental health related (which it very well could be because CPTSD can cause consistently low moods or fluctuations in mood), or because of physical health or living situation...or whatever. It's likely a combination. It's funny because dissociation is something I deal with daily, but I'm unsure as to whether or not I prefer it. All I know is that when I am less dissociated I tend to have panic attacks and want to escape lol. But still even when dissociated at my "normal" levels I feel anxious and guilty all the time.

I guess happy/high moods can be quite bad if they remove inhibitions or cause you to take risks you wouldn't otherwise take, is that what you mean? I did learn about the window of tolerance thing at university not being "super hyped" or "completely out of it" (can't remember the correct terms), it's hard to stay in the middle of that, when your brain is constantly hyperaware of danger and protecting you at all costs. Not something I've mastered by any stretch of the imagination, and I think it'll take a long time for me to and I'd need to move out of here. Anyway, perhaps this is why you take things to make it feel less real/intense? I dunno, I am just thinking (well, typing) out loud.

Do you mean little things trigger you? I can relate to that. Think that's actually very common.
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