The Student Room Group

Losing my mind at university

Okay I reckon this is gonna be a very long post - so sorry in advance and thank you if you are reading this!

I just started my final year in university. (4 year course). Over the past 1 year (since the start of third year) so much has changed in terms of my friends and people I was surrounded with. Let's start with this one girl that I used to live with, we became so close at the start of my course - we ended up living together in second year, she got a boyfriend that lived with us in a mixed flat, she spent a lot of her time with him, she also suffered from anxiety and had pretty much a negative outlook on life: all of this started to take a toll on our relationship, I felt pressured to maintain and was expected to be something sometimes which I felt I wasnt. Often, she would belittle me with sly remarks which is okay for honesty in friendships but when it's constant, it gets to a point where you've had enough. At one point, I did. The negative outbursts, the need to nit-pick everything going wrong with life. Anyways after christmas period, I took a step back from the friendship (I was CONSTANTLY with her) but it was affecting me mentally, so i took a step back.. ever since I did that, she would ignore my messages, ignore me in real life when we would hang out as a group and she basically chose to give me the cold shoulder. We went through a time when we didn't speak at the end of second year, and come third year I wanted to sort it out with her. She had the biggest go at me, crying, angry, frustrated, saying I had left her and so did her bf (Which I had no clue about), she put all the blame on me for our failed friendship and told me how much she hated me and couldn't stand me. Still - i took all this and made it work. After the second time of us having a fallout, our mutual friends hang around with her, sit with her at lectures.. which leaves me alone. My loneliness is really getting to me, i would sometimes leave half way through the day because I hate sitting alone and feeling so isolated, because of the amount of change. I try to get on with my studies and forget about her but it's so hard when she's sat in the same room as me and because of all the memories we had made together. She was at one point of my life my bestest friend, i don't think i've gotten as close to someone outside of my family as I did with her.

So meanwhile with all this happening, there's a guy at university on my course. Since the start of second year, he's had a thing for me. He's been so persistent in trying to be with me, however I don't feel the same way. We've been through so many arguments because of this. He's definitely put me through misery in the past year, emotionally blackmailing me by telling me he'd either leave my life for good (Option A) or I have to force myself to be with him (Option B) and told me to pick out of those 2. At this time, I had lost all my friends, I was vulnerable, I didnt wanna lose another friend so he thought he could get me this way but still I refused to answer his stupid bs question. When he wouldnt leave (after like 5 hours) i said A. I wouldnt ever force myself to be with someone thats ridiculous. I have in the past thought could i possibly see myself being in a relationship with him, and there have been glimpses where I thought MAYBE. However, w time he showed me his true self.. everything he does for me is just for him to get with me. He wont let me have any other guy friends and gets so jealous and has outbursts, he demands a lot of my time (even though i told him as friends, i dont speak to any of my close friends on the phone daily - so why does he feel so entitled). He's manipulative (he's admitted to being this) and he's very stubborn. I'm at my witts end with this guy, its the same story over and over again and I cant deal with it anymore.

When I came back this year for final year, he's been constantly trying to hang out with me, but ive been hesitant because i dont want us to go back to the way it was with him liking me and then me having to reject him. I've told him I can definitely move forward with him AS FRIENDS, but if he's expecting more then I will not put myself (and him) in that position again because we've been through it countless times. He says he doesnt know if he's gonna like me in the future or not and he 'cant make any promises' but at the same time he's telling me it's 'highly likely' that he will end up liking me again. Then when i say i dont wanna drag this on, and drag him on, ive made it so clear i dont want anything like that w him, he comes out asking why and 'thats how you feel now but feelings change'. and 'you dont have any emotional attachment to me do you?' and 'you dont care at all'. it feels like im going round in circles, and it needs to be stopped. Idk what to do.

I guess a part of me is still talking to him because I dont want yet another failed friendship (ive had it with that girl and another guy on my course who liked me but i didnt like back, and so he became toxic). I feel stuck and idk if im making the right choice for me. All of this toxic friends and people casued me to underperform in my academics, i dont wanna do the same this year esp as this year is worth the most. Ive asked him so many times about being friends, being civil, but with him it's either we do get together in the future or we dont talk at all? what should i do? please help... and also how do i get on with not feeling so lonely at lectures because of my fallout with the girl.
Concentrate on your studies. It’s your final year. Concentrate on your lectures without a care in the world who else is there. I can’t see any future with this guy, you’re going to leave uni in July and that’s going to fly by and you wouldn’t see him after that anyway.
Ignore the guy - I would say slap him because he is harassing you or report him for harassment.

Forget this girl - she seems bad

Make new friends if you can - otherwise focus on one year of study
Reply 3
Original post by Welshvisitor
Concentrate on your studies. It’s your final year. Concentrate on your lectures without a care in the world who else is there. I can’t see any future with this guy, you’re going to leave uni in July and that’s going to fly by and you wouldn’t see him after that anyway.

Thank you for your reply, I will try to just focus solely on my work this year. That's true - I find it difficult to see a future with this guy, even if i got with somebody else he would be weird/jealous about it (as he's done in the past). July seems like a long way to go rn :frown:
Reply 4
Original post by Discrepancy
Ignore the guy - I would say slap him because he is harassing you or report him for harassment.

Forget this girl - she seems bad

Make new friends if you can - otherwise focus on one year of study

I've spoken to various people about the girl, and they all say she has toxic traits and it's best that im not friends with her. But how are our mutual friends doing okay with her then? Then I question is it me? I miss our relationship, it had its good but also its bad.. but i cant get over it its so hard for me.

I try to make new friends, but everyone already has their friendship groups. I just tend to do things alone now more or less, but i do get super lonely. I'd love to make friends and usually dont have a problem doing so at all.
your studies come before them especially those sort of 'friends' my honest advice is to say **** them don't bother or worry about them at all focus on you branch out and make new friends . it's your last year don't let this get to you you're better than that and your grades show that

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