The title may be a bit mis-leading and so I want to give a bit of a background, I have currently just finished my PPE degree from LSE and during the time I really made no friends.
During secondary school I was private schooled however in year 11 we moved and the closest school was a normal state school and I did my GCSE`s there. At the start of year 11 it was difficult to make friends as everyone by then had formed their friendship groups so for my GCSEs I was usually on my own at lunch and break and on the odd day I would sit and have lunch with a few people that just happened to be in my class prior to lunch but I always felt like an intruder, other times I would play football with the lads that were playing but usually they had set teams so even that felt like I was intruding.
Fast forward to sixth form, I decided to move to a college to do my a-levels and soon fell into the wrong crowd. Having made no friends during year 11 I was sort of desperate to just have "friends" regardless of whether they were good or bad friends. I fell into a crowd of lads who were from rough council estates and people who came to college to mess about and I followed on. From being at a top performing private school and getting top marks in my GCSEs the teachers at college quickly realised that something was not right. I was often causing trouble and up to no good just so I would not be left out. I did achieve my goal of having friends as I quickly developed a reputation at that college, albeit not a very good one. I was constantly following the crowd I had surrounded myself with and found myself embroiled in whatever they were doing, from fighting, messing around in class, disrespecting teachers etc.
The people I was surrounded with were all used to being suspended, expelled and really had no goals and soon enough I was the same. I would start disrespecting teachers, swearing at them and this led me to being suspended before the October half-term. I was spending more time with my "friends" outside of college hanging around their estates, in the town centre etc.
In May, after being suspended numerous times and having had numerous meetings I was finally expelled from college (I wont detail the reasons) and even then I did not learn my lesson. I was still hanging around with the same people during the summer holidays.
Through all of this, I never realised how upset my parents had become, they were usually called into meetings and they had no answer for why I was like this, neither did the teachers. Fortunately, we moved to a new city and I was put into a school and for the first time I realised my mistakes and was able to rectify them and I turned my life around, gaining 4 A* and a place at LSE and now achieving a first.
However, this led to numerous problems at university when I tried to develop friendships. Having almost had my life ruined hanging around with "not well off kids" I developed a attitude where I kept my distance from anyone who came from a "poor background" (Yes I get it not everyone is the same, I know) however, I have since never been able to form relationships with people once I find out that they are not well-off or if I have any doubt about whether they would be a good friend to have around.
In changing myself, I became very lonely as I didnt believe anyone had good intentions and wanted good for me so I used to keep myself to myself and my siblings and parents were my only "friends" - I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers so It was never like I was completely alone. Whilst, I am happy with how far I have come, I dont want people to think I am stuck up.
I seem to give off the impression that I think I am better than X, when realistically I just never want to surround myself with the people I was with before, I know its not a good way to be and that is why I genuinely want to change and be able to make friends with people.
If anyone has any tips or advice I would be grateful