Partner not showing affection

Hi guys

So I’m 23 (f) and my boyfriend is also 23. We have been together for 3 years and have 1 Year old twins together.

Since he was my first relationship and sexual partner I was a very shy girl and never confident with in the bedroom. He has always been the one to initiate s*x and after having my twins he began talking to a lot of girls behind my back and insulting my body and looks very badly which made me so self conscious and insecure and really effected our s*x life too as I was so embrassed of my body and it was always playing on my mind that he was interested in other girls instead.

Well I know since having my twins that my body and hormones have changed a lot and don’t get ‘wet’ how I used to. This has made s*x quite awkward for us again and I never seem to want it. Although I know it’s my own body fault and hormones it’s also psychological because of all the problems in our relationship.

Anyways the past week I have been so turned on! This never happens to me. Usually like once every two weeks lol. The problem is that he’s not giving me affection back. I never initiate s*x because of past experiences trying to with him realised that he doesn’t like it when I do (he’s even told me that he wants to be the one to initiate it). Pretty sure he wouldn’t have a problem getting turned on if any other girl imitated it with him but he just doesn’t like it coming from me I can tell. Also things like (bj) he doesn’t like me to give him and his reason is that I’m too special and not on that level as I’m like queen and shouldn’t do that. I guess it’s kind of a compliment but at the same time I want to do this stuff with him and I’m supposed to be the only one that can do that to him and vice versa.

He’s a very athletic guy and has a s*x drive that’s usually too much for me to handle. So we usually would do it every 3/4 days. However, he never makes me ‘O’. I never understood why girls would fake it but I’ve found myself doing the exact same thing. Since having my babies I always fake it unless I get the job done myself. And I don’t want to tell him this because I don’t want to shame him and I know he won’t take it very well.

All of this together just makes s*x awkward for me. Every time we do it I just start wondering if my v is whack and all the girls he’s attracfed to etc etc and I just go dry! And the odd time when I am turned on I still go dry!

Anyways for the first time ever I’ve been so turned on all I want is to do it but he just isn’t interested. We did do it 5 days ago but it’s only on his conditions. He’s currently addicted to this childish game on his phone and it’s all he does when he’s at home. He doesn’t show any affection I have sat on the couch next to him for the past 5 nights trying to give him kisses and hugs and play around and he just hasn’t been interested he doesn’t even give me eye contact. Then when he did want to do it at the very end of the night when he had finished his game I just wasn’t even turned on anymore. So we did it and it was quick and I did not enjoy it at all.

I’m just tired of this. If I’m not turned on I’m dry and can barely keep him hard but when I am in the mood he doesn’t care. You might suggest doing sexy stuff or dressing up etc etc but it never works with him and me. I’ve literally dressed up for him before and he left me hanging until he finally came to do it and then could tell he couldn’t get hard I don’t know if it’s stage fright or something. This problem is only with me and I’m just frustrated now. I just want to feel that connection with him again and him to make me O.

Tonight I sat with him again for hours while he just played the game on his phone next to me and then just before bed he tells me to come to bed to have s*x and I just told him like why is it always on his terms. Anyways I come to bed but he’s facing the opposite way across the other side not even grabbed me and hugged me like he usually would. Then I feel his hand touching my shorts to tell me to take them off but I just said ‘you’re not a child if you want something turn over and tell me’. Then he completely ignores me and goes to sleep.

I understand he works hard etc but it’s not tiredness because this is a guy guy constantly on about s*x and constantly attracted and turned on by other girls. He couldn’t even look up at me all night yet when a s*x scene came on tv he instantly looked up.

I just want some advice and suggestions please. What can I do because I actually just want to have a partner that I can grab and kiss and be affectionate with and not always fear rejection. I don’t want to argue about the situation because that will make it worse but if I try to talk about it with him he just can’t even entertain a convo with me so there’s no point.

I’m just mad because the one time I been really wanting it and I’m getting nothing from him and then I’m not gonna be in the mood for it anymore and it will go back to just being awkward again.

It's examples like yours that illustrate why I recommend that young adults have 5 or more boyfriends or girlfriends before settling down to having children or marriage.