Flatmates all getting along so well but I’m so shy

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
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I’m at university (a freshers and am part of shared accommodation. I always hear try flatmates laughing and talking easily outside my room and it’s it makes really sad because I’m so quiet and can only do small talk with them. I try SO hard, I leave my room quite a lot just to make some tea as an excuse to sit and join the group... but I’m so bad at talking to them. Lately I’ve been leaving my room less, I still force myself to see them a bit every day but less often than before. Especially when I hear lots of people in the communal area, it makes me anxious so I just hide in my room. If there’s like two people, it’s a bit easier to join in, but often there’s like 7 people in the communal room and I can never say a word. They all just get along so well now and I feel so isolated. Hearing everyone having fun outside my door makes me want to cry, I sometimes force myself to join them but I can never say anything if theres too many people. And even when there’s only a few people, I’m still so shy.

My flatmates are so nice and I would love to get closer to them all... It’s just so awkward whenever I’m around. But when I hide in my room I feel awkward too, like what if they’re talking about me or thinking like “why does (my name) always hide in her room?”
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#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m at university (a freshers and am part of shared accommodation. I always hear try flatmates laughing and talking easily outside my room and it’s it makes really sad because I’m so quiet and can only do small talk with them. I try SO hard, I leave my room quite a lot just to make some tea as an excuse to sit and join the group... but I’m so bad at talking to them. Lately I’ve been leaving my room less, I still force myself to see them a bit every day but less often than before. Especially when I hear lots of people in the communal area, it makes me anxious so I just hide in my room. If there’s like two people, it’s a bit easier to join in, but often there’s like 7 people in the communal room and I can never say a word. They all just get along so well now and I feel so isolated. Hearing everyone having fun outside my door makes me want to cry, I sometimes force myself to join them but I can never say anything if theres too many people. And even when there’s only a few people, I’m still so shy.

My flatmates are so nice and I would love to get closer to them all... It’s just so awkward whenever I’m around. But when I hide in my room I feel awkward too, like what if they’re talking about me or thinking like “why does (my name) always hide in her room?”
Hi there

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Remember you are not alone in this! I remember when I was a fresher, it was really hard for me at first when I moved into halls. I'm an international student, and all my flatmates, though from different parts of England, had that one thing in common. I remember feeling out of place, and as you said, wondered if they spoke about me when I wasn't around by saying '... is always in her room'. It's hard getting to know people and can be stressful at times, especially since we're bombarded with the narrative of having loads of fun/laughs with flatmates.

Do you guys have a group WhatsApp already? If not, you can put a note in your communal area and ask everyone to write their numbers to create the group? It's easier to speak to them on there first and can suggest a social? I've found a games night works well, as you find yourself speaking or getting excited about the game! That's something I suggested in our group chat, and found it was easier to speak to my flatmates. I mean you may not be besties with them, but it's great to have to chat about.

Don't beat yourself up. You're you and I'm sure they respect that. Just one small step outside your comfort zone may be a big deal!

Really hope I helped!

- KU rep and final year law student
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