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21 year old virgin, never kissed a girl or gone on a date with a girl, what do I do?

So yeah for various reasons I have had no contact whatsoever with girls. I play multiple sports, go clubbing, have many guy friends and have been told by some I'm a 6/10 and others a 7/10. I've had tinder for about 3 weeks had some matches but no replies. Then yesturday I got a reply from a decent looking girl who went to my uni. We had a long regular convo (about 50 messages exchenged between us) and then today I was planning to ask her out but then she suddenly stopped replying before I could and its been 12 hours since I sent my last message. It's really affected me mentally as I'm so inexperienced and I struggled to concentrate on my work and I'm still struggling to take my mind off it. I don't have the confidence to approach girls in clubs and won't have time for much clubbing now anyway. I'm heavily involved in a sports society which I'm on committee and captain for but it is heavily male dominated. A lot of people have said nice things like they hope I find someone and that I have got good chat (social skills I guess? I was voted most sociable person in my club last year, 100 members) but just need to break that barrier. So my question is should I continue with online dating/actively pursue trying to get dates? Or should I just delete my account and not think about girls and just get on with my work (I have a lot on my plate this year) as rejection does seem to take it's toll on me mentally.

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Original post by Gnatt27
So yeah for various reasons I have had no contact whatsoever with girls. I play multiple sports, go clubbing, have many guy friends and have been told by some I'm a 6/10 and others a 7/10. I've had tinder for about 3 weeks had some matches but no replies. Then yesturday I got a reply from a decent looking girl who went to my uni. We had a long regular convo (about 50 messages exchenged between us) and then today I was planning to ask her out but then she suddenly stopped replying before I could and its been 12 hours since I sent my last message. It's really affected me mentally as I'm so inexperienced and I struggled to concentrate on my work and I'm still struggling to take my mind off it. I don't have the confidence to approach girls in clubs and won't have time for much clubbing now anyway. I'm heavily involved in a sports society which I'm on committee and captain for but it is heavily male dominated. A lot of people have said nice things like they hope I find someone and that I have got good chat (social skills I guess? I was voted most sociable person in my club last year, 100 members) but just need to break that barrier. So my question is should I continue with online dating/actively pursue trying to get dates? Or should I just delete my account and not think about girls and just get on with my work (I have a lot on my plate this year) as rejection does seem to take it's toll on me mentally.


I would suggest to delete your account. I think the best relationships start when your friends first. Tinder is a bit hit and miss, plus you don’t want to make yourself feel **** because someone doesn’t reply etc. Concentrate on yourself and if you meet someone along the way then great! I would also say that confidence is very Important in meeting new girls, it’s attractive and personally I’m the stereotypical girl who wants to be approached and asked out etc
Reply 2
Online people are not usually very invested and it is easy for women to feel spooked by something that is not usually alarming in another context. So don't take it personally.

It is interesting and unusual that you are considered very social/sociable yet you don't have many female friends. Is it an all-male uni or something? Because it sounds like you just need a pool of female friends to choose from.

You're not flirting with all the women at the same time are you? Classic error if you are! Just pick one to chat with, and be "reserved" with all the others, ok? :wink:
Reply 3
You see the problem is I don't meet any girls in real life and am not confident to just randomly approach girls anywhere as like I said I'm very inexperienced. Moreover, I'm 3rd year so don't have time to join other societies with more girls and attend their regularly. I'm struggling to go to the one sports club I'm heavily involved with as it is.
Reply 4
Original post by errrr99
Online people are not usually very invested and it is easy for women to feel spooked by something that is not usually alarming in another context. So don't take it personally.

It is interesting and unusual that you are considered very social/sociable yet you don't have many female friends. Is it an all-male uni or something? Because it sounds like you just need a pool of female friends to choose from.

You're not flirting with all the women at the same time are you? Classic error if you are! Just pick one to chat with, and be "reserved" with all the others, ok? :wink:

It's weird because she was spending a significant amount of time replying (like I saw her type 9 messages in a row in about 10 minutes) but then just like that she was gone, I didn't say anything weird or anything. No my uni has more girls than guys in it but my sports club is heavily male dominated and that is where I spend most my time outside studying and clubbing. Nope I know I'm not flirting with all women at the same time because I'm not meeting any to flirt with.
Reply 5
Original post by unknown4545
I would suggest to delete your account. I think the best relationships start when your friends first. Tinder is a bit hit and miss, plus you don’t want to make yourself feel **** because someone doesn’t reply etc. Concentrate on yourself and if you meet someone along the way then great! I would also say that confidence is very Important in meeting new girls, it’s attractive and personally I’m the stereotypical girl who wants to be approached and asked out etc

Yes this is the problem. I'm very sociable with guys and tbh probably would be with girls as well if I actually spoke to them. But my lack of experience means I just can't approach girls like that, they either have to be introduced to me or approach me.
Reply 6
You're not the only bloke in your sports club needing to meet women. Can't you do a joint event with a female-dominated club (e.g. netball) and...enjoy?! Just get it approved at your next sports club meeting! You have enough time to arrange something like pre-Christmas drinks or do a joint xmas event.
Reply 7
I always seem to end up sitting next to guys on my course and my course has about 5 contact hours a week. A lot of my friends are either in relationships or in a similar position to me (although younger)
Reply 8
Original post by errrr99
You're not the only bloke in your sports club needing to meet women. Can't you do a joint event with a female-dominated club (e.g. netball) and...enjoy?! Just get it approved at your next sports club meeting! You have enough time to arrange something like pre-Christmas drinks or do a joint xmas event.

Ahaha netball would never do a joint one with us. We actually tried a joint one last year that had a few girls in it but they all kept themselves to themselves and we did as well so it was a bit awkward lol.
Reply 9
Original post by Gnatt27
Ahaha netball would never do a joint one with us. We actually tried a joint one last year that had a few girls in it but they all kept themselves to themselves and we did as well so it was a bit awkward lol.

unbelievable. Was that due to a lack of good music/alcohol/brightly lit venue? Or everyone on their smartarsephone?
Reply 10
Original post by errrr99
unbelievable. Was that due to a lack of good music/alcohol/brightly lit venue? Or everyone on their smartarsephone?

It was a pub crawl and they basically went and did a different order to us and went off as their own group
Are you the rugby lads or the rowers? There are rugby gals and women rowers you know.
Look, this all sounds very serious but have you thought about dodgeball/frisbee/quidditch as a novelty daytime non-alcoholic event to do with the "netball girls" or any other female dominated club? You guys need to laugh together if possible.
Probably something wrong with you mate.
Reply 13
Original post by errrr99
Are you the rugby lads or the rowers? There are rugby gals and women rowers you know.
Look, this all sounds very serious but have you thought about dodgeball/frisbee/quidditch as a novelty daytime non-alcoholic event to do with the "netball girls" or any other female dominated club? You guys need to laugh together if possible.

Frsibee is the sport I'm on committee and captain for
Reply 14
Original post by angelinahx
Probably something wrong with you mate.

Nope nothing wrong with me. Everyone I meet I seem to get on well with. Just simply haven't met any girls really.
but you look like you're having fun, how come the girls have not joined in? Has this always been a problem?
Reply 16
Original post by errrr99
but you look like you're having fun, how come the girls have not joined in? Has this always been a problem?

Frisbee just doesn't attract many girls really and the ones that do join either get picked up during freshers week or I'm not attracted to.
As you're taking Frisbee very very seriously :wink: you may have to go white-tie with the most expensive lavish dinner and drinks and music/venue (with transport included) in order to persuade the women to take you more seriously...or at the very least, you need to elicit ENVY.

The netball girls going off on a different pub-crawl is ...disrespect. Do not invite them back. Get the ballet/yoga girls instead.
Reply 18
Original post by errrr99
As you're taking Frisbee very very seriously :wink: you may have to go white-tie with the most expensive lavish dinner and drinks and music/venue (with transport included) in order to persuade the women to take you more seriously...or at the very least, you need to elicit ENVY.

The netball girls going off on a different pub-crawl is ...disrespect. Do not invite them back. Get the ballet/yoga girls instead.


It wasn't netball it was badminton lol. Netball would never agree to do a social with frisbee, they only go for cricket boys, rugby lads etc
Reply 19
Original post by Gnatt27
It's weird because she was spending a significant amount of time replying (like I saw her type 9 messages in a row in about 10 minutes) but then just like that she was gone, I didn't say anything weird or anything. No my uni has more girls than guys in it but my sports club is heavily male dominated and that is where I spend most my time outside studying and clubbing. Nope I know I'm not flirting with all women at the same time because I'm not meeting any to flirt with.



What do you expect?

Imagine you were at a club or bar and was chatting with a girl and during that time 50 other dude's of whom she was attracted to started convo's with her.

would you really expect her to end up with YOU?

NO!


So why do people expect this on apps like Tinder?

Yes, since you started talking to her probably 50+ dude's were blowing up her phone. If you want to successfully compete in such a competetive market then you need really good looks.
(edited 4 years ago)

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