Really struggling at uni with isolation Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 days ago
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I am in second year at uni and right now is the worst I have felt in my entire life. The pain I experience from seeing other people with friends and especially couples is unbearable. I have social anxiety so I don't have any friends or a girlfriend. I still struggle to understand how everybody at uni has so may friends, where do they meet? Also how so many people are in relationships I see hundreds of couples everywhere it hurts so bad because I just want a girlfriend right now I feel no girls or anybody for that matter cares about me. I literally cannot go in I've suffered too long something needs to change now and drastically. What can I do to ensure I make friends and get a girlfriend soon? The depression I am experiencing now is unbearable
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Welshvisitor
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You need a little help with this. You can go to the campus GP for help with your depression and anxiety and your uni counselling service too. Once you’re feeling better you’ll be surprised how much less difficult it will be to connect with others. Good luck 😉
Last edited by Welshvisitor; 6 days ago
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Blackstarr
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I felt Hebrew same way
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Welshvisitor)
You need a little help with this. You can go to the campus GP for help with your depression and anxiety and your uni counselling service too. Once you’re feeling better you’ll be surprised how much less difficult it will be to connect with others. Good luck 😉
I'll give that a try but how exactly do I go about meeting people? I mean in second year all the friendship groups are already established. I can't even go into uni without feeling extremely lonely and depressed seeing all the friendship groups and couples together. I just want to be like them? What places can I go to meet people and make friends?
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Little Popcorns
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(Original post by Blackstarr)
I felt Hebrew same way
Is that supposed to be funny
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nabs0907
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am in second year at uni and right now is the worst I have felt in my entire life. The pain I experience from seeing other people with friends and especially couples is unbearable. I have social anxiety so I don't have any friends or a girlfriend. I still struggle to understand how everybody at uni has so may friends, where do they meet? Also how so many people are in relationships I see hundreds of couples everywhere it hurts so bad because I just want a girlfriend right now I feel no girls or anybody for that matter cares about me. I literally cannot go in I've suffered too long something needs to change now and drastically. What can I do to ensure I make friends and get a girlfriend soon? The depression I am experiencing now is unbearable
Maybe you're trying too hard. Forget other couples. Be yourself because one day the right girl will come along who is also in the same position as you. Remember, you cannot engineer love. It will happen when your least expecting it.
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gjd800
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Seek out some pastoral advice from your academic advisor/personal tutor or the student support team. Maybe have a word with your family and tell them that you feel out of sorts. They will be able to help. You will need help to get a handle on your social anxiety

Then when things seem a bit better, think about joining some societies or sports clubs (whatever is your bag), these really are a great way to get in with groups of people into the same sorts of stuff as you. They can be a real lifeline if you are feeling a little isolated. Whatever ye do, do not sit and struggle in silence, please
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JamesManc
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You destiny is in your own hands bro, do something about it.
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Anonymous #2
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Me too. I feel the same. I get so anxious in my whole first year I didn’t go in my shared flat kitchen and stayed in my room with no friends and KFC. I basically forced myself to talk to someone on the first day (chose a girl sat by herself cause I wouldn’t feel as intimidated) and since she had no one I wouldn’t feel too awkward saying hi and sitting next to her at class. Wasn’t friends tho.

Now second year I’ve not got a proper friendship group. Have heard uni is where you make life long friends so it’s pretty depressing when you’ve not got anyone to talk to at all.
However, my advice, just ask someone (maybe someone sat alone without their mates) about class etc. To build confidence. And if you’ve got a class with them every week, perhaps start talking more and more about other stuff.

And so many people say join societies or groups with the same interest but it’s so hard when you’re to shy to talk to people. How am I supposed to go to a group setting such as a pub etc without knowing anyone? Do I walk to a group and say hi? Do I stand around until someone gives me an activity to do? In the end I didn’t join a society. BUT, if it’s something you think you can do, then obviously give it a try. If no friends at least you’ll have something fun to do.

I wouldn’t focus so much on a girlfriend.
I thought that second year ppl have already made friendship groups too. That’s the case in my dorm but in classes, some ppl got separated due to not making the grades or changing courses etc. So there’ll be ppl alone wanting to talk to at least not look like a loner.

You’ll get there. Try not to panic. I thought I was alone in this but apparently not (however my first year living experience was quite pathetic...)
So good luck. I’m getting a friendship group of other lonely ppl so you can to if you want x

Girl, 19, second year
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Welshvisitor
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Volunteering (many unis organise this) societies (there’ll be over 100 in most unis) night line work.,, Also if your uni has a Nightline you can call for a chat when you yourself need to hear a human voice to lift your spirits.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by gjd800)
Seek out some pastoral advice from your academic advisor/personal tutor or the student support team. Maybe have a word with your family and tell them that you feel out of sorts. They will be able to help. You will need help to get a handle on your social anxiety

Then when things seem a bit better, think about joining some societies or sports clubs (whatever is your bag), these really are a great way to get in with groups of people into the same sorts of stuff as you. They can be a real lifeline if you are feeling a little isolated. Whatever ye do, do not sit and struggle in silence, please
I am a history student and I've looked up the history society but most of their events are either lectures or social events and I would feel uncomfortable and look like a loner if I went alone? How would I make friends at an event like that? I'm also into water sports and my uni has a kayak club I'm thinking about joining hopefully through the socials I can meet some friends and maybe even a girlfriend.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Me too. I feel the same. I get so anxious in my whole first year I didn’t go in my shared flat kitchen and stayed in my room with no friends and KFC. I basically forced myself to talk to someone on the first day (chose a girl sat by herself cause I wouldn’t feel as intimidated) and since she had no one I wouldn’t feel too awkward saying hi and sitting next to her at class. Wasn’t friends tho.

Now second year I’ve not got a proper friendship group. Have heard uni is where you make life long friends so it’s pretty depressing when you’ve not got anyone to talk to at all.
However, my advice, just ask someone (maybe someone sat alone without their mates) about class etc. To build confidence. And if you’ve got a class with them every week, perhaps start talking more and more about other stuff.

And so many people say join societies or groups with the same interest but it’s so hard when you’re to shy to talk to people. How am I supposed to go to a group setting such as a pub etc without knowing anyone? Do I walk to a group and say hi? Do I stand around until someone gives me an activity to do? In the end I didn’t join a society. BUT, if it’s something you think you can do, then obviously give it a try. If no friends at least you’ll have something fun to do.

I wouldn’t focus so much on a girlfriend.
I thought that second year ppl have already made friendship groups too. That’s the case in my dorm but in classes, some ppl got separated due to not making the grades or changing courses etc. So there’ll be ppl alone wanting to talk to at least not look like a loner.

You’ll get there. Try not to panic. I thought I was alone in this but apparently not (however my first year living experience was quite pathetic...)
So good luck. I’m getting a friendship group of other lonely ppl so you can to if you want x

Girl, 19, second year
I think the societies option is actually best because you get to meet people with similar interests and have the chance to talk in a social environment. I would just build up the courage to talk to one person and take it step by step from there, that's what I plan to do. Like you said I might try talking to other people who sit alone in lectures that will build my confidence and make me feel less lonely in that situation. As far as the girlfriend thing goes it pains me to say this but I am desperate, I know that sounds pathetic but it's true. I just want a relationship with a girl who I love and care about and who loves and cares about me that would really lift this intense burden of loneliness that is ruining my life and my happiness.
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Cronar
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'll give that a try but how exactly do I go about meeting people? I mean in second year all the friendship groups are already established. I can't even go into uni without feeling extremely lonely and depressed seeing all the friendship groups and couples together. I just want to be like them? What places can I go to meet people and make friends?
Do ya not have flatmates? Go for a pint with one. Or ask one of your seminar colleague's. Its never too late to make friends, in first year I made friends with a couple second year guys. Ya can befriend anyone. Or really get involved with a society, I joined the board for one and we always go for a drink after a meeting.

These are literal methods of going about meeting people. But talking to a GP or some personal meditation might help to address some fundamental obstacles you may have with talking to people. It can be tough but there are definitely people you'll get on with on campus if ya keep looking!
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gjd800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am a history student and I've looked up the history society but most of their events are either lectures or social events and I would feel uncomfortable and look like a loner if I went alone? How would I make friends at an event like that? I'm also into water sports and my uni has a kayak club I'm thinking about joining hopefully through the socials I can meet some friends and maybe even a girlfriend.
There you go -- sounds like a solid plan! I hope you get sorted
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by gjd800)
There you go -- sounds like a solid plan! I hope you get sorted
Do you think it will be more difficult to make friends if I join now because it is halfway through October and the semester started 6 weeks ago and many people will already have established friendships and also especially considering the fact I'm already very shy?
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gjd800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you think it will be more difficult to make friends if I join now because it is halfway through October and the semester started 6 weeks ago and many people will already have established friendships and also especially considering the fact I'm already very shy?
I think most of the people there will be accepting and open to a new society member and potential friend

But ye will never know if ye don't give yourself 9and them!) the chance
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by JamesManc)
You destiny is in your own hands bro, do something about it.
Attachment 853850"My goodness why didn't I think about that!"
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