I am not attracted to my partner and never have been, advice wanted

You guys, I do love him very very much. I fell inlove with his personality and the way he’s different from other men I’ve met.

You guys, I do love him very very much. I fell inlove with his personality and the way he’s different from other men I’ve met.

Love is great but it's not enough. You need compatibility in a few key areas for a happy marriage.

One of those areas is sexual compatibility. The 2 of you are incompatible in this area.

There is no way on Earth that you should marry someone with whom you are sexually incompatible.

And if he really was as kind and considerate as you say he is, he'd know by now that the 2 of you are sexually incompatible and he would be telling you that there's no way on Earth that the 2 of you should get married.
But instead he's pushing the marriage - which is selfish of him. He's just feeding his obsession with you. He's not looking out for your best interests and what's best for you. He's not looking at the bigger picture outside of his own desires and aspirations.

If I were with someone who was not sexually compatible with me, I'd know within a few weeks. And then I'd tell her that we should not stay together because she deserves to be with someone with whom she would be sexually compatible.

Sometimes you have to be brutally honest for the long term good.

There may well be a huge amount of short term hurt for you and him when you split up. But in the medium to long term you will look back on it and realise that it was the best decision you ever made.

Wow.... this is a very difficult situation. You'd be surprised how many others have also had to make the same decision.

So....I encourage you to look at it a bit differently. What do you want for longevity in you life and a marriage? Stability, a family, a nice home, security? Those are not bad things to seek. You will find that very rarely life gives us everything thing we want including the packaging we want it in.

Did you know that most (not all) arranged marriages are successful because the families are seeking compatibility based on much more than sexual interactions. One can fall deeply in love with someone they are not sexually attracted to, initially, because that person does, in fact, fit perfectly in so many other areas important in a marriage. Not advocating for arranged marriages but just pointing out those people come to love each other for the people that they are and not the immediate sexual attraction.

Also, ALL relationships evolve. Every. one. of. them. You may meet the most handsome man you've ever seen and the chemistry is immediate and passionate but if you think two years into a relationship that they same passion crazy, heart-pounding chemistry will still be there you are very much mistaken. Relationships evolve and you grown into them (or out of them).

I went to a wedding recently and the minister was spot on...... he said 'Today is as good as it is going to get. It's not down-hill for from here on out but your relationship will change and it won't always be rosy and romantic.' Then he said the best advice of all, 'Successful relationships are about choice. I choose you today because I have chosen you to be my partner. I choose you because I respect you. I choose you because we laugh and you make me feel good. I choose you because you know me and uplift me". He said being in a successful marriage (relationship) isn't about the chemistry that will fade over time but it is about the choice to be with the person who you love and you have chosen to build a life with....and all that comes along in life..... which supersedes the sexual aspect in the long run.

Sex and chemistry is important. Sometimes you can grow and discover passion and sexual chemistry you didn't know was there before (sometimes it doesn't happen). You have to decide what you want in the long term. The hope and expectation of a relationship that will be brimming with romance and chemistry or the guy who has proven his love for you over and over again. I'm not trying to steer, honestly, but will you find the guy who you have amazing chemistry with who is also faithful, respectful, funny etc.

If not having great sexual chemistry is a deal breaker for you and that is okay, for some people it is a deal breaker, then you need to let this guy go but don't expect he will still be available to you later on. Someone else will want an honorable, honest, hardworking guy.
You are not wrong just think about all possibilities before you break it off. But, if you can never come around to loving him deeply and being happy, satisfied and, yes, proud, that he is your spouse then let him go. You don't want to be upset because you don't want to be walking down that aisle but you find yourself doing that solely out of obligation.
We can't tell you what to do...... this is a decision only you can make.

I know I am a horrible person, and I wish I didn’t feel this way.
I came out of a pretty bad ‘somewhat relationship fling’ and he was there. Part of me feels as if I attached myself to him because he was what I needed and he was everything my ‘ex’ wasn’t.
He is caring, kind, funny, career focused and he loves me dearly. I was broken when I met him and he has healed me in many ways and restored my faith in love and relationships.
He wants to marry me, he is obsessed with loving me, he treats me like a queen and he can also give me everything I’ve wanted- children marriage and a beautiful home. We are actively saving for a home deposit now.
My parents love him and I love his family so much. Though I feel as if I settled for safe.
I have never experienced fireworks or butterflies. I have never jumped at the thought of sex and sometimes I go out of my way to avoid having sex. I knew these feelings existed at the start, but the way he treated me kept me with him.
I could never forgive myself if I hurt him, though my inner self is screaming for me to do something.
I am scared of everything I’ll be throwing away. What if I never find someone as great as he treats me. I wish I knew that this mattered more than physical and sexual attraction. This is both our first and only serious relationship and I always find myself wondering ‘what if’. Any advice would be much appreciated thank you x

Though I feel as if I settled for safe.

I know I am a horrible person

You have basically used him to make yourself feel better

This is amazing advice!

Well said. Its good to see proper mature responses on forums instead of flippant nurdy stuff.

You love the way he treats you, but it doesn’t seem like you love him romantically. You just went along with it because you were feeling low and the attention made you feel good after your last relationship ended. You have basically used him to make yourself feel better and you know what you have to do. Don’t let it continue.