I feel bad about ending a toxic friendship

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 months ago
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I was friends with this person for a year until a few days ago- when I met him, he was in the darkest place. Every day in school he would have panic attacks and punch stuff and he was just generally violent and sick. I listened when he needed me to...which was every day. He would never ask about my problems, and I didnt like him, but it was clear he needed help. He eventually got better and at christmas gave a card saying i was the only reason he was alive. Looking back i realise this was manipulating me to stay in a friendship with him. He buys things for people so theyll feel guilted into being his friend. I confronted him about this and told him to stop making people uncomfortable by buying them things and to see a therapist as he never took my advice and I wasn't qualified to help him. He went mad and is now ignoring me and has threatened to beat people up because hes so mad. The reason I'm upset is that he spent a year complaining about his old friends and I listened to him and brought him into my friendship group. Now, after so long claiming they ruined his life, he has gone back to being their friend in just days and everyone in my group has taken his side and i have no friends. I'm hurt - I acted as a therapist for a year, nothing about the relationship resembled a friendship and the moment I admit it i lose everything. I'm so alone and the anxiety is making me physically sick. I know I got myself into the situation but I find it hard to stick up for myself. I know I sound pathetic. I just want to get over it. Did anyone get any advice?
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Oxford Mum
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With friends like this, who needs enemies?

I wouldn’t want any of these people as my friends frankly and the main guy sounds darn right dangerous. Avoid, avoid avoid!

It shouldn’t be hard to find better friends than this. Actually you sound like a very kind, thoughtful person.

Just be patient, try some new hobbies and make some real friends.

I had a toxic friend like that. She was a nasty piece of work and she made my life a misery..

You know what? I have never regretted letting her go
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Welshvisitor
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People make up all the time. People will get fed up his with ways and look at you in another light.
Last edited by Welshvisitor; 5 months ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
With friends like this, who needs enemies?

I wouldn’t want any of these people as my friends frankly and the main guy sounds darn right dangerous. Avoid, avoid avoid!

It shouldn’t be hard to find better friends than this. Actually you sound like a very kind, thoughtful person.

Just be patient, try some new hobbies and make some real friends.

I had a toxic friend like that. She was a nasty piece of work and she made my life a misery..

You know what? I have never regretted letting her go
Thank you thank you thank you so much for this. I really needed this affirmation. You're right, and I'm going to move forward and focus on myself.
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Oxford Mum
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I am so very glad I was able to help. Not all people are bad in this world, you have just been very unlucky. I also have this unlucky problem as well, so I feel your pain.

Please update this thread once you are feeling better. I want to know how you get on.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Welshvisitor)
People make up all the time. People will get fed up his with ways and look at you in another light.
I really hope so - thank you for the support
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AW_1983
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was friends with this person for a year until a few days ago- when I met him, he was in the darkest place. Every day in school he would have panic attacks and punch stuff and he was just generally violent and sick. I listened when he needed me to...which was every day. He would never ask about my problems, and I didnt like him, but it was clear he needed help. He eventually got better and at christmas gave a card saying i was the only reason he was alive. Looking back i realise this was manipulating me to stay in a friendship with him. He buys things for people so theyll feel guilted into being his friend. I confronted him about this and told him to stop making people uncomfortable by buying them things and to see a therapist as he never took my advice and I wasn't qualified to help him. He went mad and is now ignoring me and has threatened to beat people up because hes so mad. The reason I'm upset is that he spent a year complaining about his old friends and I listened to him and brought him into my friendship group. Now, after so long claiming they ruined his life, he has gone back to being their friend in just days and everyone in my group has taken his side and i have no friends. I'm hurt - I acted as a therapist for a year, nothing about the relationship resembled a friendship and the moment I admit it i lose everything. I'm so alone and the anxiety is making me physically sick. I know I got myself into the situation but I find it hard to stick up for myself. I know I sound pathetic. I just want to get over it. Did anyone get any advice?
It sounds like he needs help from a professional. However, that has to be of his own volition.

There really is nothing you can do about it and you should not feel guilty about that. He has to help himself and you need to get on with your own life.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by AW_1983)
It sounds like he needs help from a professional. However, that has to be of his own volition.

There really is nothing you can do about it and you should not feel guilty about that. He has to help himself and you need to get on with your own life.
Thanks, I know youre right, I told him to go to therapy but i cant make him, i just dont know how to get over it? I will probably look at break up advice even tho it wasnt dating, we were very close and i want to move on ive just got to figure out how
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AW_1983
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, I know youre right, I told him to go to therapy but i cant make him, i just dont know how to get over it? I will probably look at break up advice even tho it wasnt dating, we were very close and i want to move on ive just got to figure out how
You should also consider how you were close. You suggest dating. But maybe it was controlling/manipulating? Get the right advice for yourself and move on.
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