trust issues

I don't know what's wrong with me but I generally have really bad trust issues. Like I struggle to give in my homework or let teachers look at my work in class because I am scared they will rip it up in shreds, hit me and tell me it's ****. I'm getting better though because at gcse my maths teacher was trying to help me with my maths and I told him that I can't be ****ed and you're a **** teacher. I left the lesson and ran home - he chased me out of the classroom but got out of breath so stopped. I'm in yr13 now, my bio teacher yesterday was trying to help me finish my work and she asked to look at it - I said no. she had to say "it's only me" for me to hand my book over so she could help me with it. She wasn't mad because she genuinely cares about me. Do I need to apologize to her or should I leave it? Last year, she got mad at me because I asked her if she was taking the piss (she made me sit in my break time and draw mitochondria) - I guess its cuz she didnt know me that well

The point here is : where is your low self esteem and high anxiety coming from? it us not really about your studies. You are really unhappy for some other reason. Why haven't you gone to counselling or therapy- you are old enough to take responsibility for dealing with your deeper issues. If you are going to uni it will sll turn into a nightmare unless you deal with the issues. You will also find that uni lecturers are nothing like your college or school teachers. You will be expected to be proactive in sorting out a range of problems.

well my mum thinks therapy and counselling is stupid so i've never been allowed to do that - honestly i've tried.

But, with respect, your mum is not correct. Maybe she does not realise how much you are suffering. Cant you go out with her some where and talk it through with her without being disturbed by other people or by your phone! Ask her what she would do if you were physically quite ill. Would she get you to a doctor or would she say that would be a silly idea? Why would your mental health be ignored hut not your physical health- ? it makes no sense! Wasnt it mental health day this week? You are not alone or weird; keep pushing to try to get the help you need or ask your school, college, uni for help ans support. Don't just give up!

i can't because she makes me feel like **** all the time - i'd rather not bring it up, might get in trouble

ok, but yoy can get smart with people who make you feel bad. You can find support from teachers at school! Your head of year's job at school actually involves helping students with problems!

but i feel like im burdening them with problems

Really I don’t want to piss her off as she’s giving me references xx

No. no! Thats about you not her! References and your need for help for a problem are two different things completely. She can't write you a bad reference for admitting that you have personal problems. That would be ridiculous!

should i email or find her tomorrow