Been at uni 3 weeks - hate it already Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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Hi,So I’m currently having a bit of a crisis. I’ve been at university studying psychology for 3 weeks now and nothing about it has been enjoyable for me. I’m commuting from home as this is something I always wanted to do, however the drive on a morning with traffic can be over an hour long , and it’s about 40 mins home without traffic. This makes it very expensive for me in terms of petrol, let alone the money for parking. I know this is what my maintenance loan should be used for , but I’ve already found myself spending the majority of that on textbooks that are listed as ‘essential reading’Not only is it all very expensive and time consuming, I’m also finding it very lonely. Despite my efforts I’m really struggling to make friends as there are few are in all of my seminars (usually just one or two) and I’m a relatively shy person anyway so I won’t go speak to random people in lectures etc. I’ve just got a new job on top of this to be able to afford everything but I’m now worried I’m not going to be able to cope with the stress of uni as well as work, and I’m highly considering dropping out and looking into an apprenticeship instead. I’m not going to jump into any decisions without thought, and I am of course planning on giving it a while longer to see how things pan out , but things really aren’t looking great at the moment so if anyone has any advice that would be great
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twist-and-shout
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(I would like to see the replies for this) I’ll be commuting and working also, so I, too, am concerned about the overload to come!
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cheerIeader
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well in my opinion you made a very wrong decision in choosing to commute to a university so far away and still expect to necessarily make friends.
i mean, lots of people i know who commute have friends but theyre more on the course because mostly the people who move out are the ones who socialise/the ones who invest lots of time on campus.

i think give it more time but ultimately it comes down to you doing the degree.. it's for the sake of having a better future at the end of the day not even necessarily for the friends/fun of it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by cheerIeader)
well in my opinion you made a very wrong decision in choosing to commute to a university so far away and still expect to necessarily make friends.
i mean, lots of people i know who commute have friends but theyre more on the course because mostly the people who move out are the ones who socialise/the ones who invest lots of time on campus.

i think give it more time but ultimately it comes down to you doing the degree.. it's for the sake of having a better future at the end of the day not even necessarily for the friends/fun of it.
I expected it to be a half an hour drive away which in my opinion is not far at all, but I start early most days and rush hour traffic makes it take a lot longer. Of course it’s for the sake of having a better future but am I meant to just be miserable for the next 3-5 years of my life for a degree which may not end up even getting me the job I want ?
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twist-and-shout
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I expected it to be a half an hour drive away which in my opinion is not far at all, but I start early most days and rush hour traffic makes it take a lot longer. Of course it’s for the sake of having a better future but am I meant to just be miserable for the next 3-5 years of my life for a degree which may not end up even getting me the job I want ?
Well I plan to commute at like 6am to avoid traffic and maybe do coursework in the library before lectures start, then I won’t need to do any after. Avoids traffic but still gets work done! Obviously I haven’t started yet so we’ll see how it works. Maybe you could try it?
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Tabathaxx
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I agree with the above ... go in early to avoid the traffic and to get a nice parking space .... stop buying all the books ... that is what the library is for .. there will likely be 1 or 2 key books you actually need to buy the rest use In the library on your early mornings.
As for friends ... join a society that interests you

But if its not for you degree apprenticeships can work out really well if you an find one .. hard to come by at this pint as most will have had a Sept start.

Dropping out is not the end of the world tho .. I did it and went back to study with the open university and that is another possibility maybe?
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CE01
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I hope everything gets better for you!
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eoeoeo
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(Original post by cheerIeader)
well in my opinion you made a very wrong decision in choosing to commute to a university so far away and still expect to necessarily make friends.
i mean, lots of people i know who commute have friends but theyre more on the course because mostly the people who move out are the ones who socialise/the ones who invest lots of time on campus.

i think give it more time but ultimately it comes down to you doing the degree.. it's for the sake of having a better future at the end of the day not even necessarily for the friends/fun of it.
I'm sorry but that's utter rubbish. I took foundation art and commuted from home because the best course in my country was near my house and you couldn't apply for student finance for this year. I'm literally such a shy person and I made a group of friends. No one cares if you commute from home or not, the only thing you'll miss out on is partying if your parents are strict. My friend also commutes from home and she's made an even bigger group of friends clearly one of the known or popular groups.
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A Rolling Stone
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,So I’m currently having a bit of a crisis. I’ve been at university studying psychology for 3 weeks now and nothing about it has been enjoyable for me. I’m commuting from home as this is something I always wanted to do, however the drive on a morning with traffic can be over an hour long , and it’s about 40 mins home without traffic. This makes it very expensive for me in terms of petrol, let alone the money for parking. I know this is what my maintenance loan should be used for , but I’ve already found myself spending the majority of that on textbooks that are listed as ‘essential reading’Not only is it all very expensive and time consuming, I’m also finding it very lonely. Despite my efforts I’m really struggling to make friends as there are few are in all of my seminars (usually just one or two) and I’m a relatively shy person anyway so I won’t go speak to random people in lectures etc. I’ve just got a new job on top of this to be able to afford everything but I’m now worried I’m not going to be able to cope with the stress of uni as well as work, and I’m highly considering dropping out and looking into an apprenticeship instead. I’m not going to jump into any decisions without thought, and I am of course planning on giving it a while longer to see how things pan out , but things really aren’t looking great at the moment so if anyone has any advice that would be great
you knew what you were letting yourself in for when you decided to commute to save a few bob. deal with it or drop out.
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Jords2011
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,So I’m currently having a bit of a crisis. I’ve been at university studying psychology for 3 weeks now and nothing about it has been enjoyable for me. I’m commuting from home as this is something I always wanted to do, however the drive on a morning with traffic can be over an hour long , and it’s about 40 mins home without traffic. This makes it very expensive for me in terms of petrol, let alone the money for parking. I know this is what my maintenance loan should be used for , but I’ve already found myself spending the majority of that on textbooks that are listed as ‘essential reading’Not only is it all very expensive and time consuming, I’m also finding it very lonely. Despite my efforts I’m really struggling to make friends as there are few are in all of my seminars (usually just one or two) and I’m a relatively shy person anyway so I won’t go speak to random people in lectures etc. I’ve just got a new job on top of this to be able to afford everything but I’m now worried I’m not going to be able to cope with the stress of uni as well as work, and I’m highly considering dropping out and looking into an apprenticeship instead. I’m not going to jump into any decisions without thought, and I am of course planning on giving it a while longer to see how things pan out , but things really aren’t looking great at the moment so if anyone has any advice that would be great
This is quite simple. the root of all of this woe is the fact that you chose to live at home and commute. How are you supposed to make friends if you aren't spending any time with your fellow uni students. Typically, most people live at the uni accomodation (1st year), as it provides a wider net for forming friendships, being in the accomodation, libraries and etc. People who live in the same accomodation will have formed groups and rolles with them, as they are sort of interdependent on each other for support, and they are constantly in close range of one another. You may have to just put yourself out there a little more.
Last edited by Jords2011; 4 weeks ago
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OR321
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After 4 weeks at uni, I met this really fun person and we had a great day today. This actually put me in a good mood coz usually When I get my train home I’m depressed asf but today I was pretty chill. I’d give it some more time, take advantage of group discussion etc Obviously it’s harder for you coz I don’t have a job, nor did I buy the textbooks 😂.
Last edited by OR321; 4 weeks ago
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cheerIeader
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(Original post by eoeoeo)
I'm sorry but that's utter rubbish. I took foundation art and commuted from home because the best course in my country was near my house and you couldn't apply for student finance for this year. I'm literally such a shy person and I made a group of friends. No one cares if you commute from home or not, the only thing you'll miss out on is partying if your parents are strict. My friend also commutes from home and she's made an even bigger group of friends clearly one of the known or popular groups.
well i'm so happy for u.

and i'm sure lots of us wouldnt have an issue commuting and making friends, but some people on this forum are introverted/wouldnt be willing to go out of their way to make friends. commuting isn't the issue it's the time they're willing to invest in doing things beyond attending lectures. it's all about prioritising work/social life balance.
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eoeoeo
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(Original post by cheerIeader)
well i'm so happy for u.

and i'm sure lots of us wouldnt have an issue commuting and making friends, but some people on this forum are introverted/wouldnt be willing to go out of their way to make friends. commuting isn't the issue it's the time they're willing to invest in doing things beyond attending lectures. it's all about prioritising work/social life balance.
Sorry but I said I was shy? I'm clearly the type to not even want to willingly try, I get extremely nervous and scared. I just have a few people and you just keep chatting to them again and again. Somehow my friends were connected in a friendship group and I never knew.
Stop making it seem that living at home is bad, in the end the person will get less debt and they would probably still have friends. Win win for us ain't it? Introverts can make friends, they've made them before. They just have to do the same thing they did in the past. They ain't incapable.

I don't know why all of you are speaking as if you know what happens if you live at home in university because it's clear you've never done that before and you're just going with people assumptions and false ideas probably created from people who think shy people are "weird".
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fernpalmer
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Hi how are you doing now? It’s been a little while since you posted and I hope things have evened out for you.
It takes time to settle into a routine and make friends but I don’t see how living at home should have to hold you back, you just need to find a society or a group of people you connect with . Have you tried seeing what opportunities the student union have ?
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,So I’m currently having a bit of a crisis. I’ve been at university studying psychology for 3 weeks now and nothing about it has been enjoyable for me. I’m commuting from home as this is something I always wanted to do, however the drive on a morning with traffic can be over an hour long , and it’s about 40 mins home without traffic. This makes it very expensive for me in terms of petrol, let alone the money for parking. I know this is what my maintenance loan should be used for , but I’ve already found myself spending the majority of that on textbooks that are listed as ‘essential reading’Not only is it all very expensive and time consuming, I’m also finding it very lonely. Despite my efforts I’m really struggling to make friends as there are few are in all of my seminars (usually just one or two) and I’m a relatively shy person anyway so I won’t go speak to random people in lectures etc. I’ve just got a new job on top of this to be able to afford everything but I’m now worried I’m not going to be able to cope with the stress of uni as well as work, and I’m highly considering dropping out and looking into an apprenticeship instead. I’m not going to jump into any decisions without thought, and I am of course planning on giving it a while longer to see how things pan out , but things really aren’t looking great at the moment so if anyone has any advice that would be great
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Anonymous #2
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I think there are few things you can consider here.

With regards to the commuting, are you finding this so much of an issue that you no longer want to do it at all or are there some alternatives that could make it more bearable? I have to say I think rush hour traffic is inevitable if you are on the road from 6am - 8.30am. The best thing for sitting in traffic is to try and chill out and not get too stressed by the drive. Are you able to drive in earlier or leave at different times that would see a different flow of traffic?

You say you are paying for parking. Does your university not provide student parking permits? Is there a way you coudl enquire and see if this is something they do?

Would you prefer to move closer to university after the Christmas break or for your second year? You can think about this but don't feel pressured to do so. You made the choice to commute so I understand you will have reasoning for this.

On the social side, it can be tough as a commuting student but don't let this put you off. There might be a club of sorts for commuting students that you might not be aware of. I would nudge you to try and introduce yourself to others in your lectures and seminars. Maybe pay a compliment, ask if a space is free and say "thanks, by they way, I'm _____" or just say "Hi, I'm _____". It will feel alien and might lead to nothing but you've given it a go and others know you are putting yourself out there. (I've found seminars very unproductive on this front because most of the time students can't be arsed in seminars, but saying hi to someone next to you in a lecture is a bit easier).

I understand you'll be feeling a bit down about this but don't beat yourself up over it. Other students might flash their fun in your face but I can guarantee that many will be feeling the way you are.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by fernpalmer)
Hi how are you doing now? It’s been a little while since you posted and I hope things have evened out for you.
It takes time to settle into a routine and make friends but I don’t see how living at home should have to hold you back, you just need to find a society or a group of people you connect with . Have you tried seeing what opportunities the student union have ?
Hiya, I started to enjoy it again last week actually, but the past couple of days have been low again. I’ve got a meeting with my tutor tomorrow to discuss my options and I’m going to make an appointment with the wellbeing team as I think a lot of my not wanting to come in comes from the fact I have days where my anxiety is particularly bad meaning I struggle to get out of bed and I begin to panic about the day ahead whether it be the thought of being alone all day, the drive, not being able to find a parking space and so on. Hopefully someone can offer some kind of solution

I haven’t really read this thread from after a couple days after I posted it as most people were just telling me it’s my own fault because I chose to commute. Not nice really when no one knows my circumstances, but thank you for being genuinely nice I do appreciate it
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think there are few things you can consider here.

With regards to the commuting, are you finding this so much of an issue that you no longer want to do it at all or are there some alternatives that could make it more bearable? I have to say I think rush hour traffic is inevitable if you are on the road from 6am - 8.30am. The best thing for sitting in traffic is to try and chill out and not get too stressed by the drive. Are you able to drive in earlier or leave at different times that would see a different flow of traffic?

You say you are paying for parking. Does your university not provide student parking permits? Is there a way you coudl enquire and see if this is something they do?

Would you prefer to move closer to university after the Christmas break or for your second year? You can think about this but don't feel pressured to do so. You made the choice to commute so I understand you will have reasoning for this.

On the social side, it can be tough as a commuting student but don't let this put you off. There might be a club of sorts for commuting students that you might not be aware of. I would nudge you to try and introduce yourself to others in your lectures and seminars. Maybe pay a compliment, ask if a space is free and say "thanks, by they way, I'm _____" or just say "Hi, I'm _____". It will feel alien and might lead to nothing but you've given it a go and others know you are putting yourself out there. (I've found seminars very unproductive on this front because most of the time students can't be arsed in seminars, but saying hi to someone next to you in a lecture is a bit easier).

I understand you'll be feeling a bit down about this but don't beat yourself up over it. Other students might flash their fun in your face but I can guarantee that many will be feeling the way you are.
Hi! Thank you for taking the time to provide a genuine reply unlike some people above who clearly think they are bearers of all knowledge

I do have one friend who I went to high school/ college with who does my course - were in at the same times Wednesday to Friday so we car share on these days, which tends to make it a lot more bearable for me and gives me more motivation to go in knowing I’m with someone else. These also aren’t reallt days I’m worried about not having friends as I know she will be there! It’s more Monday & Tuesday where I spend it alone that doesn’t sit well with me. The drive itself isn’t usually THAT bad; it’s more the fact that my days particularly mon & tues always seem pointless as I am in for two hours each day and I always come out thinking what was the point in me even coming to that - does that make sense?

My university doesn’t offer parking, so I have to use surrounding public car parks such as multi stories (multi stories are another aspect of driving I hate , I have no idea why but they make me nervous as hell hahahah

I don’t think I would want to move into accommodation no, at least not until next year when I hopefully will have some form of a friend group. I have started introducing myself to people in lectures and seminars with a bit of small talk but it’s never enough to follow through into an actual friendship if that makes sense?

I think the main issue as I’ve stated above is how anxious I get on a morning, some days it’s just much worse than others and I end up crying on a morning and I just can’t bring myself to go in. My attendance is already below 80% which isn’t great really but I’m working on it - I’m going to speak to people who might be able to offer some help and I’m going to set myself personal goals to try and go in every day of every week and if I do I’ll treat myself to a new coat or a nice takeaway or something like that. It sounds silly but I hope it works hahahhaa. Thank you again
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