Is this normal? Watch

Anonymous #1
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My boyfriend goes to uni but currently lives with his parents as he lives close to the uni. He tells me that it’s rude to call him any time after 7:30pm as that’s ‘disrupting his relaxing time that he spends watching tv with his parents’. The other day he got mad because I called him at 8pm because I was upset and needed someone to talk to. Like I’m his girlfriend, not a random salesperson and I understand a time like 10pm would be annoying but honestly I would never call him a disruption and would answer to make sure everything is okay. I’ve been on the phone to my best friend at 9pm, I’ve never heard of it as being ‘rude’.

He said that I’m silly for not understanding him, but I honestly just find it strange, no one that I know does this! He told me to ‘get used to the real world’ 😂

Am I seriously being rude? Or does anyone else think this is not normal?
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Anonymous #2
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It sounds more like he does not want his parents to know about you.

If he wants a relationship with you he should be making time for those chats and calls with you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It sounds more like he does not want his parents to know about you.

If he wants a relationship with you he should be making time for those chats and calls with you.
Oh I’ve met his parents many times already and been to their house. We’ve been together a year believe it or not 😂
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Farhan.Hanif93
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He's entitled to separate out the things in his life to maintain a healthy balance. His family time is obviously important to him and he's demonstrating good discipline by sticking to it.

I don't think you should expect to be able to demand every waking minute of his day just because you're his girlfriend.
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Anonnorth
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh I’ve met his parents many times already and been to their house. We’ve been together a year believe it or not 😂
In that case he should suggest a time that you two can phone each other.
Are all the calls made by you or does he call you too?
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Chem.Teacher
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He should never talk like that with you if he cares and like you. He is tired with you dear
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Farhan.Hanif93)
He's entitled to separate out the things in his life to maintain a healthy balance. His family time is obviously important to him and he's demonstrating good discipline by sticking to it.

I don't think you should expect to be able to demand every waking minute of his day just because you're his girlfriend.
I get that family time is important and I’m not asking him to dedicate every second of his day to me. I just don’t understand how it is rude to call him if I need to talk to him after 7:30
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonnorth)
In that case he should suggest a time that you two can phone each other.
Are all the calls made by you or does he call you too?
He just said not to call any time after 7:30, and yeah it’s mostly me. He prefers to text but if I’m upset (which doesn’t happen often don’t worry) I’d prefer talking
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Peter.JohnsonJR
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I wouldn't say that's normal behaviour, there could be many reasons perhaps even a certain lack of interest but I'm going to go for perhaps a controlling helicopter parenting household he lives in.
I think the best thing for you to do is now ignore him and don't phone him etc and let him come to you and if he likes you he will contact you regardless of 'parents time' or not.
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Farhan.Hanif93
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(Original post by Chem.Teacher)
He should never talk like that with you if he cares and like you. He is tired with you dear
I disagree. He's simply being firm about the boundaries, and I don't think there's much wrong with that.

(Original post by Anonymous)
I get that family time is important and I’m not asking him to dedicate every second of his day to me. I just don’t understand how it is rude to call him if I need to talk to him after 7:30
If that coincides with the time he has put aside for his family, and you know about it, then yes I would say it's slightly rude to expect him to be around (bar for important matters, obviously).

How responsive is he in general? Does he make time at other points in his day? Does he make an effort? If so, I'd struggle to say he's being unfair or inconsiderate.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Peter.JohnsonJR)
I wouldn't say that's normal behaviour, there could be many reasons perhaps even a certain lack of interest but I'm going to go for perhaps a controlling helicopter parenting household he lives in.
I think the best thing for you to do is now ignore him and don't phone him etc and let him come to you and if he likes you he will contact you regardless of 'parents time' or not.
I honestly think he’s being babied 😅 his parents do everything for him, he asked me out on a dinner date once but then his parents had to drop us off at the restaurant and pick us up afterward 😂
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I honestly think he’s being babied 😅 his parents do everything for him, he asked me out on a dinner date once but then his parents had to drop us off at the restaurant and pick us up afterward 😂
That sounds like it could well be.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Farhan.Hanif93)
I disagree. He's simply being firm about the boundaries, and I don't think there's much wrong with that.


If that coincides with the time he has put aside for his family, and you know about it, then yes I would say it's slightly rude to expect him to be around (bar for important matters, obviously).

How responsive is he in general? Does he make time at other points in his day? Does he make an effort? If so, I'd struggle to say he's being unfair or inconsiderate.
The thing is though that if he called me at whatever time, I would drop whatever I was doing and answer to see if everything is ok. He does make an effort during the day it’s just that he prefers to chat to me after his ‘relaxing time’ which is at midnight but honestly I’d rather be asleep, but I’ve had to wait and stay up just to chat to him
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Anonnorth
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I honestly think he’s being babied 😅 his parents do everything for him, he asked me out on a dinner date once but then his parents had to drop us off at the restaurant and pick us up afterward 😂
Sounds like he has a lot growing up to do to realise what a proper relationship is all about
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Peter.JohnsonJR
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I honestly think he’s being babied 😅 his parents do everything for him, he asked me out on a dinner date once but then his parents had to drop us off at the restaurant and pick us up afterward 😂
You seem to like him and want him to be in your life. I think you should ignore him and let him come to you, and if he doesn't he may not have a good deal of interest in you, you should then forget about him as he wont be worth it. If he does like you he will reach out in the proper manner as a man should sand will put you first over these silly rules. You could be the woman he needs to get him to grow up.
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Welshvisitor
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That’s weird! Don’t his parents pick the phone up after 7:30? I can’t follow the sense of it. Odd. What does he say when you ask him to justify it as ‘rude’? If anyone said that to me I’d call at 5:00am to end it — he’s on his own !
Last edited by Welshvisitor; 1 month ago
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Farhan.Hanif93
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The thing is though that if he called me at whatever time, I would drop whatever I was doing and answer to see if everything is ok. He does make an effort during the day it’s just that he prefers to chat to me after his ‘relaxing time’ which is at midnight but honestly I’d rather be asleep, but I’ve had to wait and stay up just to chat to him
Fair enough, that just means you're happy to be perpetually available for him - this is sweet and all, but sometimes unrealistic. I'm merely pointing out that it's not abnormal to set boundaries on one's availability. If you don't think midnight is a good time, you should probably say something and try to reach a compromise with him.


I'd say, unless this lack of evening availability means that you're both reasonably unable to talk full stop, then you just need to find a nice middle ground instead.

To the people saying that he's doing something wrong/needs to grow up, I'm willing to wager that the importance of time management hasn't become apparent for them yet.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Farhan.Hanif93)
To the people saying that he's doing something wrong/needs to grow up, I'm willing to wager that the importance of time management hasn't become apparent for them yet.
Yes time management is important but if you are in a proper relationship you make room for your partner, especially at night time unless you works shifts, then you arrange to phone at an other time.

Even in these days phone calls are a lot more important in a relationship than just texts/ messages.
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Farhan.Hanif93
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes time management is important but if you are in a proper relationship you make room for your partner, especially at night time unless you works shifts, then you arrange to phone at an other time.

Even in these days phone calls are a lot more important in a relationship than just texts/ messages.
I agree. However, nothing said by the OP suggests that he doesn't "make room" for his partner - she confirmed he makes an effort. It's simply that small window in the evening which he keeps for himself (as far as we know).

If she has a problem with the lateness of their time together, she needs to negotiate a reasonable time with him. Expecting him to be available by default is not reasonable.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Welshvisitor)
That’s weird! Don’t his parents pick the phone up after 7:30? I can’t follow the sense of it. Odd. What does he say when you ask him to justify it as ‘rude’? If anyone said that to me I’d call at 5:00am to end it — he’s on his own !
He just says that it’s rude to ‘disrupt his life’ whilst he’s trying to relax at the end of the day with his parents. Makes me sound like some sort of nuisance doesn’t it? 😂
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