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so im stressed

uh hi
dunno how to start so I'll get straight to it,,
im out as trans to a few or my friends and to pretty much all my online friends and i plan on telling my dad around my 18th next year

but my dysphoria is kinda weird and its stressing me out,, so story time!

growing up in primary i wasn't really masc or femme. i was chill and acted like everyone. i did really look up to my dad and brother tho and wanted to be like them a lot.
puberty was not fun.. i remember feeling out of place the more things were separated by gender and the guys suddenly didn't hang wth the girls as much but i wanted to be 'one of the lads' since like year 6 and all through secondary school until now (year 13)

i couldn't stand my body for various reasons since puberty and i was seriously insecure in year 8-10. i couldn't look at my torso at all, i was honestly disgusted by it but i didn't understand or even know trans or dysphoria were things when i was like 13 so i just tried to ignore it.
i thought i was just fat so tried to lose weight but even when i did, i wasn't satisfied.
i subconsciously wished i could 'just be a boy' and thought that constantly for at least a couple of years but it never raised any serious questions for me.

end of year 11 was when i seriously started to question - still having no trans influenece or understanding of what trans was - i felt so out of place with myself and knew in that summer that being called a 'girl' just didn't sit well with me..it felt wrong. so i told a friend n she was like ' r u trans' n i said nahh what- but being a tomboy never fit right either.

beginning of year 12 was when dysphoria properly attacked me lol and i realised phantom dicc was a thing. since like November up until march of this year (2019) i just felt so masc and was happy when i looked at myself as a dude.
i told a girl in my English class n she was like 'that's cool nws bro' but i identified as nb since i was still questioning and trying to make sense of it all.

THEN summer of year 12 and i finally learn dysphoria is a thing and what trans acc is and it was like 'OHHHHH THAT'S THE **** FROM FOREVER AGO NICE- **** im trans' realisation, enlightenment moment. i became obsessed with trying to figure out if i was real or faking it and that leads me to today.

i bind and pack sometimes and it makes me feel A1 but i have trans doubt quite a lot and it stresses me out. like idk if i rushed into identifying as trans and if im just seriously insecure or if my other mental illness is making me wish i was something im not or if im just doubtinf because i was brought up to think being lgbtq was wrong.
i just wanna be right with this..
idk if u had similar experiences..but i just dont wanna come out properly and then detransition or be seen as fake.

please help- also coz of my ucas application and communication about my gender with unis and stuff
aright-

sorey its long, just wanted to give context.
okok
tysm if u could be bothered to read it

(basically, did i rush? should i be concerned if i get trans doubt)
Reply 1
Avatar for David B
David B
20
You can identify whenever you want. I'd only worry about the rushing part if you were planning on making the surgical switch :biggrin:
Hiya,
Have you considered talking to a psychologist who specialises in gender identity? Also, just kmow that whatever you feel IS real and valid!!! There is nothing wrong whatsoever in being confused with your gender identity! Its a difficult thing that so many people struggle with. You are not alone in this! Also, there is no hurry to decide on a label, or to even have one at all! All that matters is that you are happy anf healthy. I hope everything goes well! :smile:
What's your point?

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