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Some advice please... (pregnancy)

Please keep anonymous as my friends use this forum regularly.

I think I may be pregnant, i can't do a test yet because i don't know when my period is actually due (it is definitely this week). I have taken my pill correctly for the whole month but I've had several symptoms of pregnancy and have just felt completely different in myself with mood swings and such. So if any mothers could inform me of early pregnancy symptoms from your point of view, that would be great.

Also, I could never abort (it's against my morals) but my boyfriend says it would ruin his life and his chance of a career and couldn't handle the responsibility of having a child. He has basically said that if I am pregnant, the relationship is over because he couldn't handle it. I feel this is unacceptable but am I right? Can someone shed some light on my situation? (Male advice appreciated, especially fathers. Please?)

Thanks in advance... I really need the help...

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Reply 1

LinMolko321

Calm down and don't panic just yet. At least wait until you know you period definately hasn't arrived.

You could just be imagining the symptoms and worrying yourself further.

If you are pregnant, you can cross that bridge when you come to it. But if you are, your boyfriend is being completely unreasonable, because he has something to do with the situation to, he is just as responsible.

Reply 2

clyn

The worrying could actually be delaying your period (annoying, I know!) and the symptoms of pregnancy can be explained by the fact that you're on the pill, which can work by mimicing pregnancy.
How long have you been on this particular brand of pill? Because sometimes it takes your body a while to work into it.

Reply 3

Christien

well, if your boyfriend doesn't support you, he's being a dick

i suspect he's just panicking because its an unsettling situation for him (and you, obviosuly, but his immediate thoughts are sadly going to be about himself)

but if he persists in this selfish manner, you've got to rein him in. he planted the seed, and no doubt his unquashable sex drive was partly responsible for this mess in the first place.

drag him with you to the murky depths of the styx if you have to, because its half his and he can't just dismiss his responsibility like that.

good luck

Reply 4

mc_hamster

If you've taken the pill correctly then I don't see how it would have happened. I'm sure it's fine and it could just but your hormones adjusting or something. I've had exactly the same thing, but it worked out fine.
I know it's hard but the key is not to panic and try and think rationally. The chances of you being pregnant are pretty low.

Reply 5

Mighty Grandiose Noble Knight

Well your bf has shown his true color - selfish.

Reply 6

Darty

Mighty Grandiose Noble Knight

Well your bf has shown his true color - selfish.

Why is his refusal to have the child any more selfish than her determination to have it? She's being as selfish in refusing to consider abortion as he is in refusing to consider having the child.

Reply 7

Mighty Grandiose Noble Knight

Darty

Why is his refusal to have the child any more selfish than her determination to have it? She's being as selfish in refusing to consider abortion as he is in refusing to consider having the child.

Of course your point is valid. But try to put yourself in her shoes - he is willing to just let go of everything due to a baby. It is not even him that carries the 9 months of burden is it now? And how exactly will it ruin his career?

Reply 8

mavoury

Darty

Why is his refusal to have the child any more selfish than her determination to have it? She's being as selfish in refusing to consider abortion as he is in refusing to consider having the child.

IF she IS pregnant:
How is considering the life of her unborn child as something worthy and sacred selfish? If anything, its selfless - she is putting her child before herself. If abortion is against her morals than she is not at all unreasonable when she refuses to have one.

Reply 9

Aconite

Your boyfriend's attitude is disappointing, but at the same time understandable - he's young and has suddenly been faced with a really terrifying responsibility which he doesn't feel up to.

My advice would be to wait until you know what's going on for definite. Don't try to decide anything or make any plans until you've got some facts in front of you.

Reply 10

missygeorgia

You can get pregnancy tests that claim to work a few days before your period's due, so just use one of them.

Reply 11

Rex Regis

Go and buy one of those instant pregnancy tests, they are cheap and accurate. Once you get the result, take it from there. Don't waste your energy on speculations and 'what if'.

Reply 12

Ilora-Danon

Darty

Why is his refusal to have the child any more selfish than her determination to have it? She's being as selfish in refusing to consider abortion as he is in refusing to consider having the child.

I agree with this. I don't think he's being unreasonable at all. It's not a crime to not want children.

Reply 13

Jelkin

Christ. First of all, I really think it's unlikely you're pregnant if you've been taking the pill regularly. Also, given that you would have had to conceive in the last three weeks at most, I'm not sure you'd even be showing symptoms so early (but someone can correct me on this if I'm wrong). I've had similar worries before but I imagine it's just a bit of irregularity on your body's part.

Secondly (and this is what the "Christ" was about), I think your boyfriend is being awful. No, it's not a crime to want children, but if he's willing to risk that by having sex then that's his problem and he should stick around to deal with the possible consequences. I'm not anti-abortion but it's fairly understandable that if you are, abortion is not an option at all. You probably should have discussed with him before you started sleeping together what would happen if you got pregnant, so that he could have aired his views earlier. Even if you're not pregnant (and I doubt you are), I think you should get rid, because if you ever do get pregnant, it looks like he'd be gone in a shot and you'd be left to deal with everything all by yourself.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

clyn

How long have you been on this particular brand of pill? Because sometimes it takes your body a while to work into it.

i've been on this brand of the pill for over two years so it's not like it isn't settled...

Mighty Grandiose Noble Knight

And how exactly will it ruin his career?

I'm actually not sure why he thinks this... I wouldn't let anything get in the way of him getting an apprenticeship... it's not like he's in college doing exams, he's just waiting to apply for apprenticeship.

Jelkin

Secondly (and this is what the "Christ" was about), I think your boyfriend is being awful. No, it's not a crime to want children, but if he's willing to risk that by having sex then that's his problem and he should stick around to deal with the possible consequences. I'm not anti-abortion but it's fairly understandable that if you are, abortion is not an option at all. You probably should have discussed with him before you started sleeping together what would happen if you got pregnant, so that he could have aired his views earlier. Even if you're not pregnant (and I doubt you are), I think you should get rid, because if you ever do get pregnant, it looks like he'd be gone in a shot and you'd be left to deal with everything all by yourself.

I can understand your point here... we did discuss it when we had a scare before but I thought he would have grown up a bit. To be fair... he's only 16 turning 17 in July whereas i'll be turning 18 in September. I can understand he may be too young, but he told me he wanted to stand by me no matter what but he's seemed to have gone back on that every since this all started happening. Sex is a big part of our relationship so it's only right we can deal with the consequences.
I'm going to wait until next week until I know my period is actually late and then take a test. I know it seems like it would be easier for me to have an abortion if it's positive but I don't think I could physically do it. The thought of killing a human being is mortifying for me. We have a lot of fertility problems in my family and I think my family would detest that more than me keeping a baby. I just hope that makes the situation more understandable to why I couldn't abort. I guess I could handle it on my own as I'd have my family but normally me and my boyfriend make a great couple. We were best friends for years so it always felt right, but this is the only thing that causes arguments between us.

Sorry for the length... I'm just really worried.

Reply 15

balloon_parade

I'm sure you can get pregnancy tests that work the week before your period is due (Will be one of the more expensive brands though- probably Clear Blue)

I think your boyfriend is awful to say such immature things. How will it ruin HIS career? YOU'D be the one it would effect the most. If he is willing to have sex then (there is always a risk of pregnancy regardless of the contraception) he should be willing to bear the consequences.

Maybe he is reacting like this because it is such a shock and he is really very young. I was 18 when I got pregnant but my partner is in his late 20s so he was more ready than me to have a baby.

It is harder I think for younger dads to cope than younger mums for some reason (women are just more selfless on the whole when it comes to having children.) I'd definitely talk about this in a mature way, talk about all the options with him- even if you're not pregnant it is good to see what he WOULD say if you were.

Hope you are ok and keep us posted xx

Reply 16

linkdapink

Yeah Clear Blue give results up to 5 days before. I don't understand how you can be on the pill and not know when your period is due? It comes at the exact same time for me, within the hour!

Reply 17

linda helena

I can actually understand your boyfriend's reaction. He is extremely young so it's hardly to be expected from him to want a child at this age. You are on the pill, so it's not like he's happily slept with you without protection and then refused to face the consequences (now THAT would have been selfish and immature). If you are having protected sex with your boyfriend, I really don't think it's reasonable to still expect that person to be willing to raise a child. You can't force someone to want to be a parent. At the same time, if you don't want to have an abortion, you shouldn't have one, so it's tricky when you have different views on the whole thing. I just wanted to say that I don't think your boyfriend's reaction is strange at all.

Reply 18

suek

I think it is highly unlikely you are pregnant, just take a test at the first opportunity to put your mind at ease.

However, you and your boyfriend are obviously just relying on the pill. Therefore it is entirely YOUR responsibility to ensure you do not get pregnant, and your boyfriend seems quite content with this to the extent that he'll leave if it does happen. I think he should accept some responsibility; if he knows you won't have an abortion, if something did interfere with your pill or you forgot to take it, then what? Maybe you guys should be using condoms too...

Reply 19

Jelkin

linda helena

I can actually understand your boyfriend's reaction. He is extremely young so it's hardly to be expected from him to want a child at this age.

It's hardly to be expected that she'd want a child either.

You are on the pill, so it's not like he's happily slept with you without protection and then refused to face the consequences (now THAT would have been selfish and immature).

It's not like she's happily slept with him without protection - the difference is, she HAS to face the consequences, whereas there is nothing to force him. Hardly fair if he buggers off.

If you are having protected sex with your boyfriend, I really don't think it's reasonable to still expect that person to be willing to raise a child. You can't force someone to want to be a parent.

Well, no, but ... it's not like the OP necessarily wants to be a parent either. It's just that biology determines that the woman is the one stuck with the pregnancy should the man bail out.