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How do I stop him doing this?

I'm male, suffered from depression, now mostly recovered. Also struggled with purging bulimia, at it's worst was throwing up maybe 4 times a day. Again, mostly recovered (or so I thought), lately I'd been better at controlling the urges and dealing with my eating better. My parents know about the depression, not about the eating disorder though, and I really don't want to explain it to them because they really won't understand.

Just a moment ago, before going to bed, my dad poked and wobbled my stomach and said "Careful, not too many chocolates and things yeah?"

As soon as I got downstairs I burst into tears and threw up several times, and now I feel like I'm right back to square one.

How can I stop him doing stuff like that without explaining why it's such a soul destroying thing for me?

Reply 1

RosiePosiePuddingAndPie

12

Just tell him it makes you feel insecure, and can he stop please. He's your dad - he's not setting out to deliberately hurt you. He probably thought it was a funny joke, especially since he doesn't know about your eating disorder. Just ask him not to do it anymore, and he should :smile:

Reply 2

dh00001

16

tell him you dont like him saying it. you probably wont have to expand on that

Reply 3

SuffocatedAnxiety

Explain how it affects you in terms of depression, as in you have low self esteem and you can't handle comments/criticism well. He'll want you to get over depression, so no doubt he'll cut back on the comments.

Reply 4

Jace Falco

19

dh00001

tell him you dont like him saying it. you probably wont have to expand on that

I'd say do this. No need to go too far into it if you don't want to.

Reply 5

clyn

1

Sounds like he's being quite tactless but he may find it difficult to speak to you (obviously this isn't me trying to be anything but sympathetic towards you, so please don't take it like that) and picking something light to mention.
Well done on pulling yourself through this - that's really impressive.
PM me if you want to talk :smile:

Reply 6

emilina

17

it sounds like he is only joking, rather than being tactless. but just say that because of your depression you would prefer it if he didnt say stuff like that or something. no need to tell him about the eating disorder. but may i say, well done for doing something about that :smile:

Reply 7

clyn

1

RosiePosiePuddingAndPie

Just tell him it makes you feel insecure, and can he stop please. He's your dad - he's not setting out to deliberately hurt you. He probably thought it was a funny joke, especially since he doesn't know about your eating disorder. Just ask him not to do it anymore, and he should :smile:

dh00001

tell him you dont like him saying it. you probably wont have to expand on that

Drat, forgot to say these are really spot-on and really good advice.

Reply 8

kiss_me_now9

16

Let's face it, that's what Dads do, right? They stick their massive size 9 feet into everything, unfortunatly for you he managed to pick a very emotive subject for you. :frown:

I'm certain he wasn't being callous, if he doesn't know about your ED then he probably won't realise that there's a problem with the comment unless you tell him.

I'm tempted to say tell him about it - but it is really your call. If you think that he needs to know, then tell him why the comment was upsetting for you, if you think that he/you can't handle it then just explain that, like SuffocatedAnxiety said, the depression is linked to low self confidence and comments relating to your weight or physical body are damaging for you. I think they'd probably surprise you on the understanding stakes though.

Good luck with what you decide to do, I have total admiration for you for getting through it the first time - This isn't a major failure, it's just a baby step back and if you can beat it once, you can do it again.

Reply 9

EskimoJo

18

Write him a short letter about how you feel and what he's doing to you if you don't feel up for talking face to face. Maybe print out an article or something about boys with bulimia to get him to understand (too many people think eating disorders are restricted to girls).
If you're too reluctant to let them know about the eating disorder, well then I don't really know what to say! If you know in yourself that you are healthier and (hopefully) happier by eating normally and fighting the illness, carry on and try not to take what he says to heart.
Good luck! :smile:

Reply 10

Jace Falco

19

kiss_me_now9

Let's face it, that's what Dads do, right? They stick their massive size 9 feet into everything, unfortunatly for you he managed to pick a very emotive subject for you. :frown:

I'm certain he wasn't being callous, if he doesn't know about your ED then he probably won't realise that there's a problem with the comment unless you tell him.

I'm tempted to say tell him about it - but it is really your call. If you think that he needs to know, then tell him why the comment was upsetting for you, if you think that he/you can't handle it then just explain that, like SuffocatedAnxiety said, the depression is linked to low self confidence and comments relating to your weight or physical body are damaging for you. I think they'd probably surprise you on the understanding stakes though.

Good luck with what you decide to do, I have total admiration for you for getting through it the first time - This isn't a major failure, it's just a baby step back and if you can beat it once, you can do it again.

I know it's a bit OT, but size 9 isn't massive. My feet are 10 1/2. My dad's are size 12, now that's massive :wink:

Reply 11

kiss_me_now9

16

I'm afraid I have no concept of male shoe sizing - I may go and change that... :p:

Size9 compared to (my sisters) size 4 feet is massive! :wink:

</OT>

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you everyone, you're all lovely =]
Feeling a bit better this morning, but still off food.

I think I'm going to leave him a note explaining that I found it really upsetting.

Reply 13

forensic@heart

kiss_me_now9

Let's face it, that's what Dads do, right? They stick their massive size 9 feet into everything, unfortunatly for you he managed to pick a very emotive subject for you. :frown:

I'm certain he wasn't being callous, if he doesn't know about your ED then he probably won't realise that there's a problem with the comment unless you tell him.

I'm tempted to say tell him about it - but it is really your call. If you think that he needs to know, then tell him why the comment was upsetting for you, if you think that he/you can't handle it then just explain that, like SuffocatedAnxiety said, the depression is linked to low self confidence and comments relating to your weight or physical body are damaging for you. I think they'd probably surprise you on the understanding stakes though.

Good luck with what you decide to do, I have total admiration for you for getting through it the first time - This isn't a major failure, it's just a baby step back and if you can beat it once, you can do it again.

this is the best advice that has ever been given(above)!! my family is like this all the time towards me and i know how upsetting it can be, and with your ED and your depression it mucst be a million times worse for you, you poor thing. i'd say tell your family how it makes you feel and try to tell them about the ED aswell, you probably know this but please try to get some help for the ED, no one should have to battle any kind of disorder or illness alone. and just believe in yuorself-you can beat it again because you are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :biggrin:

Reply 14

aardy20

If your worried about old tendencies creeping back i would get on top of that straight away perhaps go and see a counsellor, they can help you deal with such comments, take them as light heartedly as they are intended and keep your self image in check! you should be so proud that you have mostly over come this and its not suprising after such a comment that you would revert to throwing up. speaking from experience i am bulimic and have been for three years, i'm currently in recovery.

if you wanted a community where you can continue to talk about such things in a more focused place, try bulimia help.com, or my own website below (just getting on its way :smile:

i'd also love you to share your own experiences with your eating disorder, from a male perspecitve, it would be lovely on my site, please PM me if you are interested.

As far as your dad is concenred he probably not aware it would affect you as he probably thinks that only girls are affected by such comments. Writing him a note is a good idea. i hope your ok!

xx

How do I stop him doing this?

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