Zero success with girls at night clubs Watch

ChillDawg
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Hey there. Freshers week is long gone and I've never felt so energised in my life. No sarcasm there since I am a social person. I also feel fairly fulfilled except for one thing - I have 0 capability of getting with girls at a night club. As a straight guy who can't pull (for lack of a better word) a girl on the dance floor, I admit I do feel slightly left out at times.

Usually when I go out with my friends they are all successful with pulling girls and this is something I have never managed to do before. Although pulling girls is not what I go to night clubs for, since I go there to enjoy the music and mosh pits. However seeing my friends having such an easy time with pulling girls is a tad bit upsetting.

This is what I've realised my friends do (perhaps with slight variations):
1. Exchange eye contact with a girl;
2. Dance in sync with her;
3. Hold her hand(s) and spin her around;
4. Brief chatting;
5. Lead her off the dance floor / Kiss straightaway (rarely but it happens sometimes)
It looks so easy for them but when I try it, most of the time I can't even get past stage 1, so might as well just focus on nothing other than the music.

I have no idea what my problem is, and it sounds silly to overthink but now I'm thinking it's probably because of my height and race, which is something I had never thought about before until yesterday. I'd consider myself a pretty outgoing person so the problem is definitely not my personality, since one of my friends barely talks at all, he's a little skinnier than the average guy but he still managed to pull. I do bring a lot of energy to groups on the dancefloor (I have no problem with joining even the most random groups), and I'm not afraid of proximity, but whenever I look into a girl's eyes she just treats me as if I'm invisible. When I eventually get to introduce myself, not long later she would grab one of her friends and say "sorry we need to go". Even the most socially inept person would know what this phrase means.

The closest I've ever got with a girl on the dancefloor was this - She seemed interested at first and dance with me, the I introduced myself and hugged her from behind but when I tried to escalate she just pulled away, and that has happened countless times.

Sorry I know this is a bit long, but please help, thank you!
Last edited by ChillDawg; 4 weeks ago
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twist-and-shout
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There are so many things I want to say to whatever the hell this is.

Firstly, I’m glad you said that that’s not the reason you go clubbing because if it was, I’d hypothetically throat punch you.

Secondly, as a girl who clubs occasionally, nothing is more off putting than a desperate/easy guy. So if your friends are managing to pull, they’re pulling easy girls. Obviously that must all be your aim, but if you’re naturally making eye contact with girls like me (uptight and certainly not easy), then they’re never going to touch you. A lot of girls go out to look good and be admired, but not pull. I hate to say this, but if you’re just wanting a shag, you need to find what visibly makes a girl easy - whether that be body language, eye contact, their friends getting with your friends, blah blah blah - and act on something with them.

Thirdly, you can’t expect every girl to be attracted to you. And I doubt it has anything to do with your height and race because most people (I hope) are not that judgmental. It’s all down to attraction, not discrimination.

Side note, I didn’t read the whole thing because I got tired, so sorry if I missed something. Hope this helps!
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Ciel.
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they're probably just better looking.
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ChillDawg
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(Original post by twist-and-shout)
There are so many things I want to say to whatever the hell this is.

Firstly, I’m glad you said that that’s not the reason you go clubbing because if it was, I’d hypothetically throat punch you.

Secondly, as a girl who clubs occasionally, nothing is more off putting than a desperate/easy guy. So if your friends are managing to pull, they’re pulling easy girls. Obviously that must all be your aim, but if you’re naturally making eye contact with girls like me (uptight and certainly not easy), then they’re never going to touch you. A lot of girls go out to look good and be admired, but not pull. I hate to say this, but if you’re just wanting a shag, you need to find what visibly makes a girl easy - whether that be body language, eye contact, their friends getting with your friends, blah blah blah - and act on something with them.

Thirdly, you can’t expect every girl to be attracted to you. And I doubt it has anything to do with your height and race because most people (I hope) are not that judgmental. It’s all down to attraction, not discrimination.

Side note, I didn’t read the whole thing because I got tired, so sorry if I missed something. Hope this helps!
Thanks for your reply, I don't think you've missed anything important and yeah it does help a bit. If you do happen to reread this and find something that bugs you, feel free to throat punch me because chances are I'm not looking in the right direction anyway.

But there's something I don't get. You mentioned that girls like you wouldn't make physical contact with someone that naturally throws eye contact. Thing is I am probably a bit too used to strong eye contacts and can sometimes come off as a bit intimidating. Would you say that it's because eye contacts are too strong and you get intimidated straightaway? If not then if some random dude makes eye contact with you on the dancefloor what will you most likely be thinking?

And yeah my browser doesn't seem to allow me to make paragraphs in my post so soz if this is a bit too difficult to read.
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unaManzana
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(Original post by ChillDawg)
Hey there. Freshers week is long gone and I've never felt so energised in my life. No sarcasm there since I am a social person. I also feel fairly fulfilled except for one thing - I have 0 capability of getting with girls at a night club. As a straight guy who can't pull (for lack of a better word) a girl on the dance floor, I admit I do feel slightly left out at times.

Usually when I go out with my friends they are all successful with pulling girls and this is something I have never managed to do before. Although pulling girls is not what I go to night clubs for, since I go there to enjoy the music and mosh pits. However seeing my friends having such an easy time with pulling girls is a tad bit upsetting.

This is what I've realised my friends do (perhaps with slight variations):
1. Exchange eye contact with a girl;
2. Dance in sync with her;
3. Hold her hand(s) and spin her around;
4. Brief chatting;
5. Lead her off the dance floor / Kiss straightaway (rarely but it happens sometimes)
It looks so easy for them but when I try it, most of the time I can't even get past stage 1, so might as well just focus on nothing other than the music.

I have no idea what my problem is, and it sounds silly to overthink but now I'm thinking it's probably because of my height and race, which is something I had never thought about before until yesterday. I'd consider myself a pretty outgoing person so the problem is definitely not my personality, since one of my friends barely talks at all, he's a little skinnier than the average guy but he still managed to pull. I do bring a lot of energy to groups on the dancefloor (I have no problem with joining even the most random groups), and I'm not afraid of proximity, but whenever I look into a girl's eyes she just treats me as if I'm invisible. When I eventually get to introduce myself, not long later she would grab one of her friends and say "sorry we need to go". Even the most socially inept person would know what this phrase means.

The closest I've ever got with a girl on the dancefloor was this - She seemed interested at first and dance with me, the I introduced myself and hugged her from behind but when I tried to escalate she just pulled away, and that has happened countless times.

Sorry I know this is a bit long, but please help, thank you!
what is your race?
I'm Pakistani and I moved out for uni in a white dominated area. I found it quite easy to pull girls, mainly because I looked different compared to all the other guys.
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ChillDawg
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(Original post by unaManzana)
what is your race?
I'm Pakistani and I moved out for uni in a white dominated area. I found it quite easy to pull girls, mainly because I looked different compared to all the other guys.
East Asian, average height. Never thought about my race due to the fact that I've acc been in a few relationships before so there must be something about me that's alright.
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twist-and-shout
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(Original post by ChillDawg)
Thanks for your reply, I don't think you've missed anything important and yeah it does help a bit. If you do happen to reread this and find something that bugs you, feel free to throat punch me because chances are I'm not looking in the right direction anyway.

But there's something I don't get. You mentioned that girls like you wouldn't make physical contact with someone that naturally throws eye contact. Thing is I am probably a bit too used to strong eye contacts and can sometimes come off as a bit intimidating. Would you say that it's because eye contacts are too strong and you get intimidated straightaway? If not then if some random dude makes eye contact with you on the dancefloor what will you most likely be thinking?

And yeah my browser doesn't seem to allow me to make paragraphs in my post so soz if this is a bit too difficult to read.
Personally, and this is strictly personally, if a guy is ogling me in town, if he’s old/unattractive, I will not look at them again, that’s the key to getting them to go away. But then if I see a guy that maybe I’d kiss just because I’m feeling like ‘why not’ that night, and he makes eye contact, then I would too, then we’d dance, blah blah blah. But mostly, I judge everyone who clubs and wouldn’t search for anything meaningful there!
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DrSocSciences
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Erm ok. The introduction + rear hug thing. Maybe rethink that component.
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(Original post by unaManzana)
what is your race?
I'm Pakistani and I moved out for uni in a white dominated area. I found it quite easy to pull girls, mainly because I looked different compared to all the other guys.
Have you ever been out in Clubs in Birmingham or Leceister? Most of the people there are literally all pakistani/asian. I really enjoy going to events there. There are certain events such as Desi nights at clubs near the Uni i go to, and i see a lot of asian girls coming here.
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ChillDawg
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(Original post by twist-and-shout)
Personally, and this is strictly personally, if a guy is ogling me in town, if he’s old/unattractive, I will not look at them again, that’s the key to getting them to go away. But then if I see a guy that maybe I’d kiss just because I’m feeling like ‘why not’ that night, and he makes eye contact, then I would too, then we’d dance, blah blah blah. But mostly, I judge everyone who clubs and wouldn’t search for anything meaningful there!
Fair enough, I don't expect to find anything meaningful in a club either haha, given how relatively shallow night club attraction can be. Thanks for your words, they do help!

(Original post by DrSocSciences)
Erm ok. The introduction + rear hug thing. Maybe rethink that component.
Alright maybe I should've elaborated. I didn't go straight for the rear hug after introducing myself (and my "introducing" we literally just exchanged names and flirted for a couple of seconds), I also danced with her and spun her around for a few time. I was shower-thinking last night and was like hmm maybe I escalated too quickly because whenever that happens, I would get confused for a second and think they were one of my exes. Thanks for the advice though!
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ANM775
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(Original post by ChillDawg)
Hey there. Freshers week is long gone and I've never felt so energised in my life. No sarcasm there since I am a social person. I also feel fairly fulfilled except for one thing - I have 0 capability of getting with girls at a night club. As a straight guy who can't pull (for lack of a better word) a girl on the dance floor, I admit I do feel slightly left out at times.

Usually when I go out with my friends they are all successful with pulling girls and this is something I have never managed to do before. Although pulling girls is not what I go to night clubs for, since I go there to enjoy the music and mosh pits. However seeing my friends having such an easy time with pulling girls is a tad bit upsetting.

This is what I've realised my friends do (perhaps with slight variations):
1. Exchange eye contact with a girl;
2. Dance in sync with her;
3. Hold her hand(s) and spin her around;
4. Brief chatting;
5. Lead her off the dance floor / Kiss straightaway (rarely but it happens sometimes)
It looks so easy for them but when I try it, most of the time I can't even get past stage 1, so might as well just focus on nothing other than the music.

I have no idea what my problem is, and it sounds silly to overthink but now I'm thinking it's probably because of my height and race, which is something I had never thought about before until yesterday. I'd consider myself a pretty outgoing person so the problem is definitely not my personality, since one of my friends barely talks at all, he's a little skinnier than the average guy but he still managed to pull. I do bring a lot of energy to groups on the dancefloor (I have no problem with joining even the most random groups), and I'm not afraid of proximity, but whenever I look into a girl's eyes she just treats me as if I'm invisible. When I eventually get to introduce myself, not long later she would grab one of her friends and say "sorry we need to go". Even the most socially inept person would know what this phrase means.

The closest I've ever got with a girl on the dancefloor was this - She seemed interested at first and dance with me, the I introduced myself and hugged her from behind but when I tried to escalate she just pulled away, and that has happened countless times.

Sorry I know this is a bit long, but please help, thank you!
(Original post by ChillDawg)
East Asian, average height. Never thought about my race due to the fact that I've acc been in a few relationships before so there must be something about me that's alright.

Yes, it's due to your race. When clubbing in London I usually go to "white" mainstreme clubs because my friend literally refuses to try anything else or go into non white areas. I am black. I get little eye contact in clubs, there is normally no reaction from the girls when I look at them, or sometimes they just look at me hostily. When I cold approach white girls I just get shot down. The only time I pull is when white girls approach me, which happens from time to time but not as much as i'd like.

The few rare times i've approached black girls they were FAR more receptive. I remember approaching one and grinding on her 5 minutes later. That was never happened with a white girl. Sure i've grinded on a white girl but they were the ones to approach me.

Here are some statistics about race and dating. Ignore the title it's not quite correct
https://imgur.com/A50EPtl

As you can see as an ethnic minority [prusumably going for white girls] you are facing massive exclusion rates. Tbh east asian guys probably have the worst when it comes to white girls.
- 46% of white women only are open to other white men.

There was a big okcupid datacrunch with statistics which said 55% of white women would strongly prefer to date their own race. This although a slightly differant worded statement it fits well with the 46% of white women only date white men statistic so they are probably right.

-

For every 10 white women you approach, around 5 of them are ruling you out on race alone. When you also factor in most women are going to be taken [65%], that means for every 100 white women you approach, only 17 are in a position where they are single, and haven't ruled you out on race. If you approach 10 white women that night, then statistically just under 2 will be single and not ruling you out on race. Whereas for your white friends statistically 3 or 4 will be single and open to them, statistically all of these girls will not be ruling them out on race and in addition half of them will have a racial preferance for your friends [further increasing their chances]. I am not surprised you are doing so poorly compared to your friends, the numbers are not in your favour.

If you are east asain cold approaching white girls, then realistically speaking i'd expect about 1 in 20+ girls to be receptive to advances [as in willing to at least give phone number]. since statistically 3 girls out of 20 are both single and haven't ruled you out on race. You will probably get more though who will flirt ..but due to them being taken it is unlikely to go further.

If you've actually had some decent eye contact before you approach though, then this is no longer a cold approach, but is now a warm approach and chances of success will be higher than what i've stated.

Perhaps try and go to more clubs with east asian women and you'll do somewhat better than you are doing, althought tbh you are still at a disadvantage compared to your white friends if you look at the statistics as your own women seem to value them more you than you...

If you don't do that then keep using the eye contact method, and accept that very few girls are likely to give you eye contact back. but with those that do, you've got a resonable chance.
Last edited by ANM775; 4 weeks ago
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unaManzana
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Have you ever been out in Clubs in Birmingham or Leceister? Most of the people there are literally all pakistani/asian. I really enjoy going to events there. There are certain events such as Desi nights at clubs near the Uni i go to, and i see a lot of asian girls coming here.
i haven't but I'm dying to go to one in Birmingham lol.
I've been to desi nights in London, but I reckon it'll be much better in Bradford or Birmingham
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FakeNewsEditor
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(Original post by ANM775)
Yes, it's due to your race. When clubbing in London I usually go to "white" mainstreme clubs because my friend literally refuses to try anything else or go into non white areas. I am black. I get little eye contact in clubs, there is normally no reaction from the girls when I look at them, or sometimes they just look at me hostily. When I cold approach white girls I just get shot down. The only time I pull is when white girls approach me, which happens from time to time but not as much as i'd like.

The few rare times i've approached black girls they were FAR more receptive. I remember approaching one and grinding on her 5 minutes later. That was never happened with a white girl. Sure i've grinded on a white girl but they were the ones to approach me.

Here are some statistics about race and dating. Ignore the title it's not quite correct
https://imgur.com/A50EPtl

As you can see as an ethnic minority [prusumably going for white girls] you are facing massive exclusion rates. Tbh east asian guys probably have the worst when it comes to white girls.
- 46% of white women only are open to other white men.

There was a big okcupid datacrunch with statistics which said 55% of white women would strongly prefer to date their own race. This although a slightly differant worded statement it fits well with the 46% of white women only date white men statistic so they are probably right.

-

For every 10 white women you approach, around 5 of them are ruling you out on race alone. When you also factor in most women are going to be taken [65%], that means for every 100 white women you approach, only 17 are in a position where they are single, and haven't ruled you out on race. If you approach 10 white women that night, then statistically just under 2 will be single and not ruling you out on race. Whereas for your white friends statistically 3 or 4 will be single and open to them, statistically all of these girls will not be ruling them out on race and in addition half of them will have a racial preferance for your friends [further increasing their chances]. I am not surprised you are doing so poorly compared to your friends, the numbers are not in your favour.

If you are east asain cold approaching white girls, then realistically speaking i'd expect about 1 in 20+ girls to be receptive to advances [as in willing to at least give phone number]. since statistically 3 girls out of 20 are both single and haven't ruled you out on race. You will probably get more though who will flirt ..but due to them being taken it is unlikely to go further.

If you've actually had some decent eye contact before you approach though, then this is no longer a cold approach, but is now a warm approach and chances of success will be higher than what i've stated.

Perhaps try and go to more clubs with east asian women and you'll do somewhat better than you are doing, althought tbh you are still at a disadvantage compared to your white friends if you look at the statistics as your own women seem to value them more you than you...

If you don't do that then keep using the eye contact method, and accept that very few girls are likely to give you eye contact back. but with those that do, you've got a resonable chance.
That graph looks extreme tbh. 96% of white men won't date black women? BS.
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ANM775
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(Original post by FakeNewsEditor)
That graph looks extreme tbh. 96% of white men won't date black women? BS.
you're reading it wrong.

it in fact says that 96% of white men who stated a racial preferance wouldn't date black women. There's a differance.

Looks a bit less extreme now doesn't it?

However I decided not to take those stats into account [the amounts who say they wouldn't date X race] as I don't have any other statistics to cross reference it with. I chose to lead with the stats on the amount of women who said they would only date their own race because I can cross reference it with a similar question from okcupid statistics about white women strongly prefering to date their own race. and as they both had similar numbers, it seems more reliable.
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(Original post by ANM775)
you're reading it wrong.

it in fact says that 96% of white men who stated a racial preferance wouldn't date black women. There's a differance.

Looks a bit less extreme now doesn't it?

However I decided not to take those stats into account [the amounts who say they wouldn't date X race] as I don't have any other statistics to cross reference it with. I chose to lead with the stats on the amount of women who said they would only date their own race because I can cross reference it with a similar question from okcupid statistics about white women strongly prefering to date their own race. and as they both had similar numbers, it seems more reliable.
And 60% of them did. Which means 56-57% of all white men wouldn't date a black woman. Lul. More accurate stat would be that 56-57% of white men would date anything with female reproductive organs.
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ANM775
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(Original post by FakeNewsEditor)
And 60% of them did. Which means 56-57% of all white men wouldn't date a black woman. Lul. More accurate stat would be that 56-57% of white men would date anything with female reproductive organs.
I don't really find that stat that unbelivable tbh. I know you are a white man and your preferance is black women, but lets face it, ... white man and black woman pairings are hardly popular. Generally speaking I don't think either side is that keen on the other.

I do get the impression though, that more white men would sleep with black women than would actually date them..
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(Original post by ANM775)
I don't really find that stat that unbelivable tbh. I know you are a white man and your preferance is white women, but lets face it, ... white man and black woman pairings are hardly popular. Generally speaking I don't think either side is that keen on the other.

I do get the impression though, that more white men would sleep with black women than would actually date them..
I do find it unbelievable because I know men. It's not that I don't trust the source, I don't trust men when they talk about their dating preferences. I've heard dudes express really high and specific preferences in discussion but then date literally anyone who is willing to date them. I know this is true for white men 'cos almost all my friends and acquaintances are white so I have a largeish sample.

I don't have a preference for white women, I know very few non-white women because of the areas I was raised/live in (90%+ white and non-whites mostly Asian, not Black).
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Kitten in boots
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It is either your looks or your personality.

You say you are outgoing, so you may be coming on too strong too soon. That often comes across as creepy or desperate and we notice these things, so you’ll get the cold shoulder very quickly.
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(Original post by FakeNewsEditor)
I do find it unbelievable because I know men. It's not that I don't trust the source, I don't trust men when they talk about their dating preferences. I've heard dudes express really high and specific preferences in discussion but then date literally anyone who is willing to date them. I know this is true for white men 'cos almost all my friends and acquaintances are white so I have a largeish sample.

I don't have a preference for white women, I know very few non-white women because of the areas I was raised/live in (90%+ white and non-whites mostly Asian, not Black).
I made a typo when I said you had a preferance for white women, i meant to say black women. I edited it literally within like 15 seconds on posting my post so you must of been quick to not catch the edit.

Your white male friends sound desperate with little dating options tbh if they're willing to date anyone willing to date them. I'm not sure the majority of white men would fall into that catagory. You only need to look on shows like Love Island [where the guys are attractive and not desperate] to see how black women get shunned by white men, [and tbh black guys seem to do poorly on there as well]
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(Original post by ANM775)
I made a typo when I said you had a preferance for white women, i meant to say black women. I edited it literally within like 15 seconds on posting my post so you must of been quick to not catch the edit.

Your white male friends sound desperate with little dating options tbh if they're willing to date anyone willing to date them. I'm not sure the majority of white men would fall into that catagory. You only need to look on shows like Love Island [where the guys are attractive and not desperate] to see how black women get shunned by white men, [and tbh black guys seem to do poorly on there as well]
I do accept that 10%-20% of white men are like that but no more. So I have no trouble accepting Love Island examples. They're just a minority, that's all.
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