Asexuality, what does it mean for you?

OP

emmarainbow

It means that you are not sexually attracted to anyone. There's a lot of variability within the community, but that's the main bit. Look it up in the wiki entry (see sig) or go to www.asexuality.org to see if you identify with what people say. My blog entry today is also useful! (see sig again...)

:smile:

Any qusetions, feel free to pm.

EDIT: As to how I deal with it, I don't anymore, it's just part of me. My friends know, and they're fine with it. It's a bit crap at times, as any non-heteronormative sexuality is, but I'm glad I am; I've met some awesome people in the queer community and I approach relationships in a much more interesting way! :p:

Not being sexually attracted to anyone else, is that the same as not having the desire to have sex with anyone? Gunna check out that site now and see what it says.

Is asexuality the same as being incel (involuntary celibate)? (But then again I read that asexuals may not be celibate. :confused:

)

Reply 4

OP

Oo, I went to that site this morning. I don't like the format, it's hard to understand things. :s

Reply 5

OP

Okay I think it does apply to me, but at the same time, I do have a sex drive sort of. Well I feel arousal is that the same thing?

Reply 6

Blue Rose

Oo, I went to that site this morning. I don't like the format, it's hard to understand things. :s

I found that with it as well.

Asexuality... Is, for me, the lack of joy/passion/emotion of sexual acts. I still look at people and think, "Yeah, they're sexy", but the actual act brings no joy for me at all.

How do I cope with it? what a strange question... How does someone cope with being gay, or being bisexual, or being straight? It's a part of who you are, it's not really something to 'cope with'. If you mean how did I cope with the idea that I was asexual, I'm not sure. I never felt 'abnormal'. I knew I wasn't sick or anything. I can't remember how I discovered asexuality, it was long before it came into the public view, but it fitted and it was like an instant acceptance.

One thing I will say to anyone who thinks they may be; Don't be afraid of it. Don't let people tell you "Oh, you'll find the right person" or "You shouldn't label yourself like that." Label yourself how you like! It's not set in stone, after all. If 10 years down the line, you find that it doesn't fit you anymore, change it! It's simple. :smile:

Explore, have fun and come to a peace with yourself, whether it's an asexual peace or not. You need to be happy with yourself, so make sure you do that, and not try and make others happy.

Reply 7

Fillette

14

OP: I'd refrain from considering yourself one thing or another, it is quite possible that you haven't yet found someone you feel attracted to, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible for you to find other people sexually attractive. You say you have a sex drive, then it's therefore very possible that you will eventually meet someone who you want to be with sexually. Keep you mind (and your options) open :smile:

Reply 8

OP

Fillette™

OP: I'd refrain from considering yourself one thing or another, it is quite possible that you haven't yet found someone you feel attracted to, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible for you to find other people sexually attractive. You say you have a sex drive, then it's therefore very possible that you will eventually meet someone who you want to be with sexually. Keep you mind (and your options) open :smile:

I know what I want and I don't want sex.

Reply 9

Fillette™

OP: I'd refrain from considering yourself one thing or another, it is quite possible that you haven't yet found someone you feel attracted to, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible for you to find other people sexually attractive. You say you have a sex drive, then it's therefore very possible that you will eventually meet someone who you want to be with sexually. Keep you mind (and your options) open :smile:

... You've just given the best example of those mentionned in my post possible...

What exactly is wrong with labelling yourself asexual? So what if it changes? Is that the end of the world?

Reply 10

OP

Spotty Dog

Label yourself how you like! It's not set in stone, after all. If 10 years down the line, you find that it doesn't fit you anymore, change it! It's simple. :smile:

lol I know. I know that things don't always stay the same, but thanks anyway. Thanks for giving your personal experiences and feelings. Totally what I wanted :smile:

Reply 11

Blue Rose

lol I know. I know that things don't always stay the same, but thanks anyway. Thanks for giving your personal experiences and feelings. Totally what I wanted :smile:

your welcome. :smile:

If you want to chat some more, PM me and you can have my MSN/whatever.

Reply 12

OP

Spotty Dog

... You've just given the best example of those mentionned in my post possible...

What exactly is wrong with labelling yourself asexual? So what if it changes? Is that the end of the world?

I never said anything was wrong with it. People are misunderstanding. Look at my first post, all I was asking was for personal experiences and for people to explain it so I understand it because I don't fully understand what it is. I just thought it was a lack of sex drive and so I thought it didn't apply to me now I realise that's not exactly true and it may apply to me and it would help me understand myself by knowing what I am. And it would make it easier for me to explain myself not that I have to but it would just make things easier.

I've been through so many things of thinking am I gay? Am I just straight and have issues with men? Am I bisexual but more attracted to girls? Now I don't even know if it's a sexual attraction or just purely emotional and if I've ever be able to have sex with anyone or not and if I even want to.

All my friends are like the way everyone expects them to be, they know what they want and they are all in relationships or have been and there are no issues. Yet I haven't been and I'm always confused. Since I was 11 I've been confused and things aren't getting any clearer. I've recently come out at gay/bisexual but I don't even know if that applies anymore.

Maybe I should just wait and see what I feel like. Maybe because I haven't had any real experiences and that's why it's so hard to know what I feel.

Reply 13

Blue Rose

I never said anything was wrong with it. People are misunderstanding. Look at my first post, all I was asking was for personal experiences and for people to explain it so I understand it because I don't fully understand what it is. I just thought it was a lack of sex drive and so I thought it didn't apply to me now I realise that's not exactly true and it may apply to me and it would help me understand myself by knowing what I am rather than just thinking 'I'm weird'.

No, not you darling! I was referring to fillette's post about not labelling yourself. :P

Reply 14

OP

Spotty Dog

No, not you darling! I was referring to fillette's post about not labelling yourself. :P

Oh okay, sorry.

Reply 15

emmarainbow

12

Lots of asexuals have sex drives, it's no big deal. It's a problem with the wiring, not the plumbing, if you like. :p:

(though some people have both 'problems' although I don't see it as such.)

As for not wanting sex, for a lot of ase people that's what it boils down to, although I myself am not averse to it. I find it harder and weirder to involve myself in such a way with someone; I certainly don't want to have sex 24/7 like some people seem to. I just don't have the instinct of what to do, or the drive to involve another person as such. :s-smilie:

Don't know if that explains itself well!

I can appreciate someone's appearance, but it doesn't really affect me as such. I could only do anything (kissing included) with very close friends, and even then it took a lot of persuasion to get me to try it; it's something I needed to 'learn' before I felt comfortable doing. I assume sex is the same for me, but I'm open to the idea that it isn't and I won't enjoy it out of more than just curiosity. I hope not, because it would make my life easier, but I just don't know til I try, and I'm not going to try it if I don't feel 100% comfortable.

As to sex drive/arousal/masturbation - Greybird on AVEN said it quite well. It's like picking your nose - something you're driven to do, but you wouldn't want someone else to do that to you!

And yeah... 'not met the right person yet'... I swear that every single 'out' ase person gets that a few hundred times... Surely by the age of 19 I've seen enough men/women/chickens to know what turns me on!

And some ase people are in happy, fulfilling relationships too, so don't worry if you feel you want to go out with someone. Lots of ase people want to... alas, I'm quite single atm. *sigh*

Anything I haven't covered? :smile:

Reply 16