Seedy lifestyle, I'm so depressed Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#1
Please keep Anon as this is my sisters account & I don't want her to see this.

Up until I was 17 I was bullied (mainly for being fat). I was miserable, had no friends and lived with an abusive family. Since then I developed an eating disorder and became more & more withdrawn. Now I'm a healthy size (8 - 10) & have put that all behind me.

Thing is I still block out a lot of pain with drugs, alcohol, one night stands . I'm 18 btw. I dropped out of sixthform last september (with a BCC - meh was ok considering the year I'd been though and my 80% attendance). I used to take pride in my school work but suddenly I was too depressed to even care Now I have no opportunities. I have been working as a waitress (although not full time hours). I just drink all the time.

My ex boyfriend was violent and got me on cocaine. I am comming off it slowly, but he owes a lot of money. People know I'm his ex and if they can't find him they come after me. I've been beaten up twice, was forced to take a pill (I'm pretty sure was date rape drug because I was out of it). So I think he has sex with me.

Everything that's happened has made me have low self esteem. I just don't like people now and think everyone is uncaring . I don't know why I'm making this thread. Just don't know what to do I guess.
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dh00001
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really i think you should be speaking to a proffesional not us. they wont judge you and will be able to help
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Butterfly
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That is terrible, I am very sorry for you. This may sound drastic, but I do think a fresh start somewhere new would be good for you. Moving away would help you get away from those bad things in your past, but I reckon you'd still need to talk to someone ie a counsellor to deal with the emotions and stop your life from going that way again.
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lolilady---O
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:hugs: Have you thought about seeking any medical help?
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Jinxy
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I think talking to a professional is the best thing you can do. You should think about it, and also think about getting help for the drugs. It's good your coming off them slowly but it will be hard on your own, especially with what's going on.

Moving away would be a good option but it's expensive and daunting..
You need to try and keep away as best you can from these other people who are after you and it must be so hard for you. Because of the way you feel talking to someones trained to deal with it will help you feel better and also may be able to give you some advice and ways out of this.

Once this happens and you start to feel better, there's no reason why you can't re do your A levels or go to university. You want to change your life around and only you can do it. Make a fresh start and do it whilst your only 18 so you have loads of time to build up your confidence and carry on, putting the bad things behind you.

I wish you all the best
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7Magpies
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I just wanna give you a big hug really (not that it'd help much!)

It's expensive to move away, but are there any family members you get on with who live in a different area and who'd put you up for a little while? It'd probably help you get away from those people for a while. I also think speaking to a professional would be good.

There are decent people in the world, but you've had a rough time of it. Keep going, you'll find them!
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naivesincerity
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(Original post by dh00001)
really i think you should be speaking to a proffesional not us. they wont judge you and will be able to help
Ditto. Start explaining your feelings to a professional, (GP at first) they are there to help. Ask to see a psychiatrist/psychologist or if it would be helpful.
It can be easy to forget what you want to say so write out carefully on a piece of paper what you want addressed and what you want out of the appointment before you arrive.
Then you will get more out of it.
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dealbreaker
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All I can say is that there are nice guys out there who would look at you in a loving way and would not one to see you get hurt or in pain... It's difficult to leave the seedy lifestyle but, if you want a nice guy, you need to be looking in the right places... Good luck.
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mollymustard
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It sounds so cheesy, but you have to remember that all these things are in the past now. You don't have to be the same person you were if you don't want to be that person.
Over the past few years you have obviously been through a tough time, and its quite clear that most of this was not your fault.
It sounds like you are gradually taking positive steps towards moving into the future, and you really should be proud of yourself for that. The more you stay out of contact with these people such as your ex, the easier it will be for you to move on.
If you do have any hassel from them you shouldnt blink twice about getting the police involved as it is not fair of them to keep on harrassing you.
Although you may need the money that is owed to you, its probably better to accept that you are not very likely to get it back. If this means you can move on, then its better you stop pestering people about it as it just means that you are forced to keep in touch with them for longer.

In the mean time, make an appointment with your GP and try and sort out something for your depression. I'd really recommend councelling, as I think it would definately help you to talk through your problems with someone who can help you properly come to terms with them.
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