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Still struggling with the fact that my dad is getting married

I’m 19 and my parents have been divorced since I was 11. It was a very messy divorce and my parents actively hate each other so I am very much aware there has never been any chance of them getting back together again.

My dad is getting married this weekend. His fiancé is a very lovely woman, I like her very much, we get on and she cares about me. And her 16 year old son is nice as well. They’ve been together for around 5/6 years so I’ve had plenty of time to get used to the idea of them.

I don’t live at home anymore so it’s not like I live with them either now that they’ve moved in together.

But I still have a lot of unresolved negative feelings about their marriage. Everyone’s going to expect me to be all happy and excited about it at the wedding but I’m not. Why? Why can’t I just be happy for them? Is it normal to feel like this?
At 19 ...and 8 years since your parents split the only thing that needs to be thought of is this marriage making your dad happy.
Dunno, Like every other wedding guest you're expected to kinda suck it up, the day isn't about you and no one else is coming to scutenise your opinion. If everyone else is moving on with their lives...ect ect.
Could be that you and your father have different attitudes towards marriage.
Do you believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment and should be forever?
Or that divorced people should know better than to get married again?
What is it exactly about the idea of them getting married that you feel unhappy about? Do you feel actively negative towards it or are just not really that bothered?
(edited 4 years ago)
Reply 5
Original post by maybe-this-time
I’m 19 and my parents have been divorced since I was 11. It was a very messy divorce and my parents actively hate each other so I am very much aware there has never been any chance of them getting back together again.

My dad is getting married this weekend. His fiancé is a very lovely woman, I like her very much, we get on and she cares about me. And her 16 year old son is nice as well. They’ve been together for around 5/6 years so I’ve had plenty of time to get used to the idea of them.

I don’t live at home anymore so it’s not like I live with them either now that they’ve moved in together.

But I still have a lot of unresolved negative feelings about their marriage. Everyone’s going to expect me to be all happy and excited about it at the wedding but I’m not. Why? Why can’t I just be happy for them? Is it normal to feel like this?


The reason is, like with a lot of kids, they have tunnel vision in the sense that if their original parents stay together then that must equal happiness! What the kids like you don't ask though is : Happiness for who? What is ever the point of two warring hating parents staying together? To please you? why? and for them to stay miserable so that you will supposedly stay "happy"? You have ""unresolved negative feelings about their marriage" So when were you ever married? What exact details do you have, as a teenager, of what goes on in intimate long term relationships? Your dad should never ask your permission for him to be happy! He has a right to be happy in a relationship and so do you in your intimate relationships. You should be glad for him! Stop thinking about yourself! That is the problem. Celebrate his happiness with him. Do you think you should or would stay with your partner if you both hate each other all the time? I think my parents should have got divorced faster and earlier!
Original post by maybe-this-time
I’m 19 and my parents have been divorced since I was 11. It was a very messy divorce and my parents actively hate each other so I am very much aware there has never been any chance of them getting back together again.

My dad is getting married this weekend. His fiancé is a very lovely woman, I like her very much, we get on and she cares about me. And her 16 year old son is nice as well. They’ve been together for around 5/6 years so I’ve had plenty of time to get used to the idea of them.

I don’t live at home anymore so it’s not like I live with them either now that they’ve moved in together.

But I still have a lot of unresolved negative feelings about their marriage. Everyone’s going to expect me to be all happy and excited about it at the wedding but I’m not. Why? Why can’t I just be happy for them? Is it normal to feel like this?

Yes, I can understand this. My Mum died, and my Dad met someone 3 months later. He said he wasn't interested in us any more. He didn't encourage me to get to know his girlfriend. I am still never invited round to their house and if he comes round to mine he doesn't set foot over the doorstep or bring his wife along. In the end, all this split the family apart, and I never saw my aunts and uncles for several years. In fact two of them died before I could be reconciled with them.

The wedding was very hard. However your Dad's fiancee sounds lovely. It is worth giving her a chance and paying back her efforts with you in kind. Think how you would feel if you were in her shoes - it can't be easy for her. Plus your Dad has gone though a hard time with your Mum and he deserves some happiness.

Yes, the wedding won't be easy, as you remember more secure times when your parents were together. But please keep your thoughts to yourself, both during the marriage and after.

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