My manager wants to meet my gf... but I lied! Watch

Anonymous #1
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Hi guys, so I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I'm a guy and I have a bf (I'm not out!). My manager asked if I was dating and I said yes and he assumed it was a girl so I went with it. Now he's like let's meet for dinner and bring her along as I would like to meet her.

My question is: if I tell him it's a guy, would he get upset that I lied to him? I mean, I didn't want to lie but I wasn't ready to disclose something so personal about my life to him.

And secondly, would this reflect badly on me as an employee that I'm untrustworthy and such?

The dinner's next week and I really don't know what to do!
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys, so I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I'm a guy and I have a bf (I'm not out!). My manager asked if I was dating and I said yes and he assumed it was a girl so I went with it. Now he's like let's meet for dinner and bring her along as I would like to meet her.

My question is: if I tell him it's a guy, would he get upset that I lied to him? I mean, I didn't want to lie but I wasn't ready to disclose something so personal about my life to him.

And secondly, would this reflect badly on me as an employee that I'm untrustworthy and such?

The dinner's next week and I really don't know what to do!
You are not being untrustworthy. The manager just assumed you weren't gay, that's all. Your manager must like you if he has invited you to dinner!

You could do two things:

a) pretend that you have just broken up with your girlfriend if you don't want to explain
b) tell him the truth. People are more open minded nowadays. If I were your manager I wouldn't mind a hoot if you told me the truth and would gladly invite your boyfriend to come along too.
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OR321
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I’m confused as to why your manager would wanna meet up anyway 😂
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goggleyed
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its simple - just tell him you've broken up
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by goggleyed)
its simple - just tell him you've broken up
that occurred to me but I really want him to meet my bf... but I dont want to introduce him as my bf yet, just as a "best friend". How would I do that?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by OR321)
I’m confused as to why your manager would wanna meet up anyway 😂
He's flying over for a business trip lol
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
You are not being untrustworthy. The manager just assumed you weren't gay, that's all. Your manager must like you if he has invited you to dinner!

You could do two things:

a) pretend that you have just broken up with your girlfriend if you don't want to explain
b) tell him the truth. People are more open minded nowadays. If I were your manager I wouldn't mind a hoot if you told me the truth and would gladly invite your boyfriend to come along too.
thank you for your answer!
But I do want him to meet my bf.. I'm just not ready to introduce him as my "bf". How can I tell him that my "gf" can't make it and if my "best friend" could tag along instead? Or would that be weird or rude?
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goggleyed
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(Original post by Anonymous)
that occurred to me but I really want him to meet my bf... but I dont want to introduce him as my bf yet, just as a "best friend". How would I do that?
ok then say that you tend to call your bf your gf. i mean its 2019 so he can't exactly get angry at you for that, thats discrimination
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you for your answer!
But I do want him to meet my bf.. I'm just not ready to introduce him as my "bf". How can I tell him that my "gf" can't make it and if my "best friend" could tag along instead? Or would that be weird or rude?
It would be neither weird not rude. But I would be inclined to tell him the truth. If he likes you enough to invite you for dinner, he will accept your honesty, I am sure. This is coming from a mother of a gay son, by the way.
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s817
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Why does he need to meet your boyfriend? Just say he's busy
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davesantana
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(Original post by OR321)
I’m confused as to why your manager would wanna meet up anyway 😂
threesome innit
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OR321
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(Original post by zedius)
threesome innit
Gotta get that pay rise one way or another. In this case, three way. 🤷*♀️
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threeportdrift
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(Original post by Anonymous)
...............
Your boss has absolutely no reason to meet your partner. It's a slightly weird request, except in certain business situations, which you certainly aren't in. If your boss pursues the meal out idea, just tell him your partner won't be able to attend.
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HoldThisL
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you for your answer!
But I do want him to meet my bf.. I'm just not ready to introduce him as my "bf". How can I tell him that my "gf" can't make it and if my "best friend" could tag along instead? Or would that be weird or rude?
given that your manager wants to have dinner with you, he's presumably very open with you and almost certainly isn't going to be surprised that you struggled to come out as gay to him. i think you should just explain the truth because i don't think he'll be at all mad
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davesantana
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(Original post by OR321)
Gotta get that pay rise one way or another. In this case, three way. 🤷*♀️
manager wants a payrise from the workers?? what kinda company is this
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Anonymous #2
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If I was in this situation I’d probably say that my ‘girlfriends’ busy or that we broke up or whatever. But, if you think your manager would be cool with you telling him it’s actually a boyfriend then tell him. I’m sure he’d understand why you didn’t tell him straight away- as long as he’s cool with gay people in general
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
It would be neither weird not rude. But I would be inclined to tell him the truth. If he likes you enough to invite you for dinner, he will accept your honesty, I am sure. This is coming from a mother of a gay son, by the way.
I meant will it be rude that I'll be getting my "best friend" aka "bf" for the dinner which he invited me to instead of the "gf" he thought I had? Because he said I'm coming over the weekend and I know you have plans so I would like to invite your gf as well to the dinner as I'd like to meet her.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If I was in this situation I’d probably say that my ‘girlfriends’ busy or that we broke up or whatever. But, if you think your manager would be cool with you telling him it’s actually a boyfriend then tell him. I’m sure he’d understand why you didn’t tell him straight away- as long as he’s cool with gay people in general
it's not about my manager being cool about it or not, it's about me not ready to tell him I'm dating a guy. So would it be weird or rude that I invite my "best friend" aka my bf to the dinner that he invited me and my supposed "gf" to?
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barnetlad
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The wife (usually) who attends a work function with her husband is an awful thing, or at least something from the last century. It's not just about whether or not a person is heterosexual. You should not be defined by what your wife, husband, partner or anyone else in your household is or does. Sarah Vine is a journalist who happens to be married to Michael Gove, and should be noted as a journalist, nothing else. People may be having relationships problems, some are divorced and it is no-one's business at their workplace. For the person who is not at the workplace, inevitably such events will have conversations about work or whom they work with, which to an extent they are excluded from.

The answer could simply be 'they have another engagement that evening', if you wish to be polite.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
it's not about my manager being cool about it or not, it's about me not ready to tell him I'm dating a guy. So would it be weird or rude that I invite my "best friend" aka my bf to the dinner that he invited me and my supposed "gf" to?
I don’t think that’s too weird, although if you’re eventually planning to tell your boss that your ‘best friend who he met that one time’ is actually your boyfriend anyway, then it is a little weird. It’s good to either be honest, or wait until you’re ready to tell your boss and THEN introduce your bf as your bf.
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