Traumatising Tinder date.

Started speaking to a guy on tinder two years back, wasn't that attracted to him but he was funny so continued to talk. Decided to just talk to him as a friend but dated other guys during this period, he would ask me several times to meet up and I would give excuses because I didn't know how to say I wasn't interested without hurting his feelings. I did agree to meet up one time and then he rudely said don't bother. He would block me then unblock me then he rudely made fun of throwback pics I posted and wouldn't apologize which put me off him some more so I stopped speaking to him. He still was sending me requests to meet which I ignored. I replied to one saying I don't want to meet and cited him mocking me, he still sent me another request to meet which I didn't reply to then he stopped.

I decided to take a break altogether from dating after an abusive ex committed identity theft against me, building up thousands of debt in my name (has now been sorted but took a long time). This incident made me very depressed and put me off men altogether. He then sent me a message a few months back after we had not spoken, saying what has he done to me for me to not want to meet him. I explained that I did not like what he had said about my old pics and how he didn't apologise. He said he was sorry about that and for me to forgive him.

I also confided in him what had happened to me, about how my abusive ex had run up thousands of debt leaving me to constantly be harassed by companies and how it drove me into a deep depression where I was having thoughts of ending my life and I that I was still in that place. I said that I do not intend to date for a long time because I still need to heal from what had happened. He seemed very supportive and said that he's sorry about what happened to me but that he's a nice guy and to give him a chance. That he was sad about how we had not met up and I felt awful.

So we agreed to meet, from the moment I met him he was very hostile, cold and seemed angry. He was horrible after that, saying in a nasty tone how I had lost lots of weight with disgust in his voice. I had lost a bit of weight (20lbs) from the stress of the identity theft. He would be on his phone when I was talking to him and was very snappy and unfriendly. Then he told me that he wanted to go to bed and that I should go, in a very rude way. When I was trying to book an Uber, he took my phone aggressively because I was taking too long and then handed it back. I was so taken aback.

For some weird reason that I don't understand (my mental state hadn't been great) I messaged him the day after, saying "so you couldn't check if I got home safely?" and he replied "you got home didn't you" then I said "what's up?" and he said that he wasn't feeling me like that. I just want to understand why after I told him how broken I was by my situation and how I was not ready to date, why he would guilt trip me into meeting him then treat me so nastily. Why would he treat me like that knowing how fragile I was?

I think you have to remember you had messed him around for ages. I don’t want to stick up for what he did but after excuse after excuse I would probably believe you were making things up so that you didn’t have to meet me.

At this point he should have stopped talking to you but we all know what it’s like when you like someone.

Ultimately I doubt he was being intentionally hostile I just think he’d probably built you up in his mind and when he realised what was going to happen he probably struggled a bit and shut down.

Just try to move on!

I think you have to remember you had messed him around for ages. I don’t want to stick up for what he did but after excuse after excuse I would probably believe you were making things up so that you didn’t have to meet me.

At this point he should have stopped talking to you but we all know what it’s like when you like someone.

Ultimately I doubt he was being intentionally hostile I just think he’d probably built you up in his mind and when he realised what was going to happen he probably struggled a bit and shut down.

Just try to move on!