first ill relative Watch

watermelon sugar
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#1
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
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i've never had a friend or relative be ill or die before, so this is very weird to me and i don't really know what to think. i think i might be almost too cool about it, i can be a bit of an ice queen at times.

my grandad is really ill in hospital. he had a bad chest infection last month and has symptoms of asbestosis/emphysema; shadow/fluid on his lungs, coughing blood so hard he's burst blood vessels all down one side of his face. he's lost tonnes of weight and is going grey for the first time ever at 78, it's quite shocking.

i went to see him in hospital yesterday after he had a "bad night" and i didn't really know what to do. i gave him a hug and stood around a bit while everyone chatted with him.
my parents were called to the hospital at five this morning because he got moved into intensive care. most of the family are really upset and think he's going to die soon, but i don't, i'm just coasting. he's still himself(whipping off is oxygen mask to offer nurses lollipops...) and i know not everyone dies so quickly because of stuff like this. i dunno, maybe i'm just kidding myself that noone is ever going to die and everything will be normal by next week?
i'm also going on holiday next thursday, i can't cancel it or i lose £450 and let down my best frined, but i'm worried if somehting happens while he's away.

i don't know, is this what i'm supposed to be thinking? or do i need to start adressing and accepting the inevitable?
maybe i'm just not emotional like that.
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PoisonDonna
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#2
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It dosn't hit some people until afterwards, and in some cases quite a while afterwards. Don't feel bad because you're not doing what everyong else is doing, everyone deals with grief differently.

Personally, I wouldn't go on holiday, I think you best friend would understand on this occasion. However I doubt anyone would judge you if you do go, it's a hard time for everyone.
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randomgirl
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#3
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People react to situations like this in different ways, not everybody is emotional about the same thing.
Worrying that something might happen while you are away is a natural feeling. Have you spoken to any of your family/friends about it? Perhaps doing so will help you come to terms with the situation. :hugs:
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emilY?
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#4
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Ha, you sound so similar to me atm!

My grandads in hospital and there were a few moments where it didn't look good - but I am similar to you, I just sort of get on with it - and I don't cry, which looks a bit odd when you're surrounded be crying people! I'm just sort of, um, philosophical about the whole thing tbh.

I don't think there is a way you're supposed to be thinking, I'm definitely just not an emotional person when it comes to kind of THIS IS REAL situations, I just want to deal with them!

I wouldn't worry about going on the holiday, I'm sure your family would want you to have a good time, in fact my cousin is going on holiday and she was worried about the exact same thing! Its a toughie but I bet your grandad would rather you be off having a good time!
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watermelon sugar
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#5
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(Original post by randomgirl)
People react to situations like this in different ways, not everybody is emotional about the same thing.
Worrying that something might happen while you are away is a natural feeling. Have you spoken to any of your family/friends about it? Perhaps doing so will help you come to terms with the situation. :hugs:
i'm not a very open talky person with my family or many friends, i was going to see my best friend tomorrow evening and have a chat about it, but then i'm like "what if something happens when i'm there?" 'cause it would take a good hour to get to the hospital on buses from his.
i'm gonna talk to my dad about the holiday, it's only five days but i don't really wanna be thousands of miles away. i just feel sooo guilty, because my friend won't want to go alone so she'll lose £450 too and it's taken ages to pay for it(we're 17). there might be something we can do about it though

ahh my aunt just called to say he is doing better, still on 90% oxygen but we're going to visit him after three. he seems to pick up during the day and get worse at night
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garethDT
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#6
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I can empathise with the way you're feeling. My friend died suddenly on Sunday and I didn't even cry until Monday night. If you're going to go on holiday at least say goodbye to him first, you're lucky you have a chance to see him one last time before he goes.
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watermelon sugar
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#7
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i saw him just and it's not really going too well. probably aggressive pulmonary fibrosis. it's all happened really quick :/

my dad thinks he's being clever by keeping secrets about why he was so ill this morning when he doesn't care enough to hardly even visit him. stupid, i'm not thick and i'll just ask the nurse what he won't tell me.
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Aemiliana
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#8
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Don't worry, it's normal (I think & hope because I do the same!). When I visited my Great Uncle in hospital before he died, I was the only one to cry and was almost totally unaffected, which I felt a bit guilty about. When he did die, I didn't cry until about a month or two afterwards. He was my favourite uncle, so it's not like I barely knew him or anything. I guess different people just handle it in different ways.

I hope your Grandad gets better and is happy.
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meenu89
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#9
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when my Grandad's brother died it didn't hit me until the funeral when I saw his body, it was at that moment I knew I was never gonna see him again

I hope your Grandad get better
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lazza
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#10
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have you read the insurance policy on your holiday? or would it cost money to change the dates?
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Kink
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#11
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I hate it when people call me cold. I'm definitely not. I'm passionate about most things, just I don't show it. People have gotta assess other's emotions, and if they can't they simply deem the person unemotional. It is silly.

I hope your grandad gets better - there is still time to be hopeful , if he sees you being hopeful, he may feel better.
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Floria
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My grandad died in Feb this year at the age of 86 which was quite amazing because he has a triple heart bypass 20 years ago and he was given another 5 years to live.

However I didn't really cry at the service nor after and it does make me feel better. But I have never really been one to show my emotions.

But don't worry about it, im sure your family knows you care a lot.
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Spotty Dog
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#13
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There isn't a definitive answer as to whether you should go on holiday or not, but think - What would your granddad want you to do? By the sounds of it, he'd tell you to go and have fun. Why don't you go and see him before you go, and explain what you're going to do? (Even if he's not conscious!) Say to him that you love him, but you know he'd want you to have fun and so you're going on holiday, to have fun but also to help celebrate his life?
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randdom
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Its always horrible when a member of your family is seriously ill. Its hard to know what to say or do or how to act especially if this is the first time it has happened to you. It is probably worth going to see your grandfather and talking to him, making sure that you have said all that you want to say. I know that this sounds grim but it is probably better than being left in a situation where you wonder what if (if the worse should happen). Of course only do this if you feel able to. Maybe talk to other members of your family about how you are feeling and let them support you as they have probably gone through it before. Its a really difficult situation to be in and hopefully he will get better but you should probably also consider the possibility that he may not

With regards to your holiday, talk to your friend about it and make sure that she knows what the situation is and whether she would be willing to try and postpone it until things are more clear. If you can get your money back that is something that is probably worth doing. If you can't or don't want to postpone the holiday look into getting some travel insurance as some will pay for you to come back if the worst happens which is an extra reassurance that will probably be good for you to have.

Hopefully he will start to get better soon
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watermelon sugar
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#15
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my cousins are way more upset, except the youngest(13). hrmho, most the family think i'm just not that bothered and i don't really want to talk or tell them that i am actually quite fussed.

with the holiday, i can cancel and get some money back on the insurance, but then my friend will have to go alone or cancel and lose all the money. i think i might just go, because if anything happens my dad has insurance or something that means if he flies out to me we can fly back together for free on it? assuming that he's no worse by thursday that is. we should have a better idea of what's wrong by then though, it's mostly the uncertainty that is bugging me
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