I don’t know whether to be upset or concerned ? Watch

missalhd
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Hey! I NEED ADVICE😄

So basically I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just about a year now in January and was mentioning to him about new year and what our plans would be.. This would probably make much more sense if I told you what he done for a living. So basically he plays professional football and he’s from Canada. He only gets to see his family 2-3 times a year sometimes for 2 months straight, and now and again he gets international break. Sometimes this can last for about a week with some training days in between. So the week leading up to new year he has international break which falls through new year. This is our first ever new year as a couple and it is special to me and I feel like a couple we should spend it together, BUT his answer to me was he would rather spend it with family... I really did not know how to react!!!! I felt extremely upset and hurt because he knows that I’ll be spending new year myself because close friends are spending it with their loved ones. So I really don’t know if I’m over reacting or should just back off about the full thing ? If you have any advice at all, I would really appreciate it! Thanks, A😊
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Anonnorth
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How about you going over there with him?
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OR321
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He only gets to see his family 2-3 times a year, as you said, so it’s seems pretty justified to me
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grape:)
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Have you met his family before? Has he asked you what you're doing for new years?
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missalhd
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I went over to meet his family back in May and his family and I got on extremely well! But I feel like sometimes his mum doesn’t want me to get in the way... and sometimes it just impacts on our relationship. Yes, I have hinted to him if I should join him in Canada, but the subject always gets changed and it kinda just goes away and gets forgotten about. I just keep overthinking if he only just has me here to keep him company while he’s away from his family.
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by missalhd)
Hey! I NEED ADVICE😄

So basically I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just about a year now in January and was mentioning to him about new year and what our plans would be.. This would probably make much more sense if I told you what he done for a living. So basically he plays professional football and he’s from Canada. He only gets to see his family 2-3 times a year sometimes for 2 months straight, and now and again he gets international break. Sometimes this can last for about a week with some training days in between. So the week leading up to new year he has international break which falls through new year. This is our first ever new year as a couple and it is special to me and I feel like a couple we should spend it together, BUT his answer to me was he would rather spend it with family... I really did not know how to react!!!! I felt extremely upset and hurt because he knows that I’ll be spending new year myself because close friends are spending it with their loved ones. So I really don’t know if I’m over reacting or should just back off about the full thing ? If you have any advice at all, I would really appreciate it! Thanks, A😊
In my opinion, you should respect his decision. I assume his family is important to him so even though he should spend time with you, it’s perfectly reasonable for him to spend time with his family. Plus it might be a tradition for him to spend time with his family as my family does. I would spend time with my family on New Years too and I would make time for my boyfriend near news year or another time so I can fully spend tome with my family. I understand you are upset that you don’t have anyone to spend New Years with but he can’t help with his limited schedule and like you his family doesn’t get to spend time with him either even if they do for a bit. even your friends are spending it with loved ones since it’s a common thing to do so your boyfriend chose to do so too.

Basically You can be upset about it but don’t hold it against him; you shouldn’t be concerned about it but respectful for his decision and just back off the full thing. Maybe try to get both you and him to create a plan so you can definitely spend time with him.
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missalhd
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
In my opinion, you should respect his decision. I assume his family is important to him so even though he should spend time with you, it’s perfectly reasonable for him to spend time with his family. Plus it might be a tradition for him to spend time with his family as my family does. I would spend time with my family on New Years too and I would make time for my boyfriend near news year or another time so I can fully spend tome with my family. I understand you are upset that you don’t have anyone to spend New Years with but he can’t help with his limited schedule and like you his family doesn’t get to spend time with him either even if they do for a bit. even your friends are spending it with loved ones since it’s a common thing to do so your boyfriend chose to do so too.

Basically You can be upset about it but don’t hold it against him; you shouldn’t be concerned about it but respectful for his decision and just back off the full thing. Maybe try to get both you and him to create a plan so you can definitely spend time with him.
I completely agree with what your saying, it does make a lot of sense when getting someone else’s opinion. He tells me everyday that I am family. So that’s just what confuses me!
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missalhd
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(Original post by Anonnorth)
How about you going over there with him?
I’ve hinted so many of times, then he changes the conversation and gets forgotten about..🤔
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missalhd
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(Original post by grape:))
Have you met his family before? Has he asked you what you're doing for new years?
Yes, I met his family in May! We all got on so well. They were happy to call me apart of the family. He really is one of they people who is just concerned about himself, so he never really asks. Yet, last year when we were just getting together, I dropped all my plans to be with him when he was himself on new year.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by missalhd)
Hey! I NEED ADVICE😄

So basically I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just about a year now in January and was mentioning to him about new year and what our plans would be.. This would probably make much more sense if I told you what he done for a living. So basically he plays professional football and he’s from Canada. He only gets to see his family 2-3 times a year sometimes for 2 months straight, and now and again he gets international break. Sometimes this can last for about a week with some training days in between. So the week leading up to new year he has international break which falls through new year. This is our first ever new year as a couple and it is special to me and I feel like a couple we should spend it together, BUT his answer to me was he would rather spend it with family... I really did not know how to react!!!! I felt extremely upset and hurt because he knows that I’ll be spending new year myself because close friends are spending it with their loved ones. So I really don’t know if I’m over reacting or should just back off about the full thing ? If you have any advice at all, I would really appreciate it! Thanks, A😊
I'm guessing he may have asked his family or alluded to it and got told (probably by the mother) they would prefer if it was just him, which is completely normal. You have to ask yourself though if this LDR is fair on you as it doesn't seem to be at all. Think of yourself first as it sounds as if your boyfriend loves you but puts himself, his career and family first. Again normal but not workable for a situation like yours. It's no one's fault. You deserve much better than this.
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grape:)
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(Original post by missalhd)
Yes, I met his family in May! We all got on so well. They were happy to call me apart of the family. He really is one of they people who is just concerned about himself, so he never really asks. Yet, last year when we were just getting together, I dropped all my plans to be with him when he was himself on new year.
This is a huge red flag for me. I'm probably coming at this from a biased point of view, but I just finished wasting 18months of my life with someone who only ever thought about himself. It's a really bad sign, and I was really inclined to make excuses for him and tried to convince myself and others that he was actually a nice person. Let me just ask you this.... would you let your other half spend new years alone while you hung out with your family? Would you be able to hang out with family and not even bother to ask if your other half has plans?

Especially since you said you dropped all your plans to be with him previously.... Please know your worth and don't give more than you get in a relationship with someone selfish like this.... it's not worth it.
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missalhd
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(Original post by grape:))
This is a huge red flag for me. I'm probably coming at this from a biased point of view, but I just finished wasting 18months of my life with someone who only ever thought about himself. It's a really bad sign, and I was really inclined to make excuses for him and tried to convince myself and others that he was actually a nice person. Let me just ask you this.... would you let your other half spend new years alone while you hung out with your family? Would you be able to hang out with family and not even bother to ask if your other half has plans?

Especially since you said you dropped all your plans to be with him previously.... Please know your worth and don't give more than you get in a relationship with someone selfish like this.... it's not worth it.
I feel like you really get it and have explained it how I really see it, I just keep thinking I’m the bad one when I know I’m really not. Thanks for the advice 🤗
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missalhd
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm guessing he may have asked his family or alluded to it and got told (probably by the mother) they would prefer if it was just him, which is completely normal. You have to ask yourself though if this LDR is fair on you as it doesn't seem to be at all. Think of yourself first as it sounds as if your boyfriend loves you but puts himself, his career and family first. Again normal but not workable for a situation like yours. It's no one's fault. You deserve much better than this.
Thank you for this! It definitely isn’t workable, he does think of himself and his career. Which I understand, but it’s always nice to come home to someone and lately it just hasn’t worked out that way, it seems like I’m always annoying him
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grape:)
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(Original post by missalhd)
I feel like you really get it and have explained it how I really see it, I just keep thinking I’m the bad one when I know I’m really not. Thanks for the advice 🤗
Maybe you're like me and have a tendency to blame yourself for things. I'm glad you know you're not the bad one here. I wish I could give you a hug.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by missalhd)
Thank you for this! It definitely isn’t workable, he does think of himself and his career. Which I understand, but it’s always nice to come home to someone and lately it just hasn’t worked out that way, it seems like I’m always annoying him
you sound like a loving, considerate and patient girl, do better because there's guys that would love to spend new years and every weekend with you at least - find someone local. exceptionally wonderful for him to have you loving and waiting for him but what about your needs?
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missalhd
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(Original post by grape:))
Maybe you're like me and have a tendency to blame yourself for things. I'm glad you know you're not the bad one here. I wish I could give you a hug.
Sending over a hug 🤗 Thanks again!
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Sammylou40
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Is it possible for you to go over just after new year?
There is a compromise to be had here somewhere.
If you want to give him that chance then I’m not suggesting you tiptoe around him but change tack.
Don’t mention new year itself. Make suggestions for just after. His family may be nice, they may not, speaking as a mum I’d consider it a fairly new relationship and I’m very fond of my family traditions.
It’s hard when they change. I imagine things will be different when and if you’ve been together a longer time.
Many people are under pressure at Christmas and new year because we’re constantly told we should be having the time of our life but for the majority it’s just not like that.
You haven’t mentioned what he’s doing at Christmas.
I’d suggest making some plans of your own, maybe with your own family. You don’t need to be alone. If all else fails there are plenty of rewarding things you can do with charities on New Year’s Eve
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YaliaV
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That wouldn’t be enough for me and I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone I hardly saw. What’s the point? The family thing isn’t concerning but the whole scenario is.
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Scotney
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(Original post by missalhd)
Hey! I NEED ADVICE😄

So basically I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just about a year now in January and was mentioning to him about new year and what our plans would be.. This would probably make much more sense if I told you what he done for a living. So basically he plays professional football and he’s from Canada. He only gets to see his family 2-3 times a year sometimes for 2 months straight, and now and again he gets international break. Sometimes this can last for about a week with some training days in between. So the week leading up to new year he has international break which falls through new year. This is our first ever new year as a couple and it is special to me and I feel like a couple we should spend it together, BUT his answer to me was he would rather spend it with family... I really did not know how to react!!!! I felt extremely upset and hurt because he knows that I’ll be spending new year myself because close friends are spending it with their loved ones. So I really don’t know if I’m over reacting or should just back off about the full thing ? If you have any advice at all, I would really appreciate it! Thanks, A😊
You have time to make alternative plans for New Year surely some of your friends or family could include you.Do not think this is a problem in itself but it sounds as if there may be other problems which you are beginning to resent.I would suggest you sit him down and start talking about your concerns and find out where he thinks this is going.
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by missalhd)
I completely agree with what your saying, it does make a lot of sense when getting someone else’s opinion. He tells me everyday that I am family. So that’s just what confuses me!
Aww that’s so cute. Maybe he think it’s not the right time to allow you spend New Years with him and your family and isn’t yet comfortable with that idea. Idk really but I say you shouldn’t worry too much about it and look ahead of your relationship since you seem really nice and what you have seems to be a good connection. If you really wanna know, you could always ask your boyfriend why he couldn’t just invite you but it depends on how you feel on going on about it
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