So alone at uni, everyday is getting worse Watch

Anonymous #1
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I'm in my second year of uni and life is extremely difficult for me. I am so lonely and isolated here. I can't go to campus for more than an hour without feeling really depressed at the friendship groups and especially couples because I really want a girlfriend and I'm often fighting back tears. It was bad last year but now I'm in second year it's gotten worse. Hearing my flatmates having sex makes me feel really sad too. I have social anxiety which is why I struggled to make friends in first year. I also work in a supermarket and every weekend night almost all the customers are just hundreds of uni couples which makes me feel really depressed and the past two weeks I have gotten home after work back to my flat and just broken down in tears. This is supposed to be the best time of my life instead it's the worst. I just really want friends and a girlfriend because right now I feel that nobody cares about me. Everyday I wake up and dread the day ahead. Please give me advice on what I should do about my situation, the pain I am experiencing is unbearable I feel so alone.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm in my second year of uni and life is extremely difficult for me. I am so lonely and isolated here. I can't go to campus for more than an hour without feeling really depressed at the friendship groups and especially couples because I really want a girlfriend and I'm often fighting back tears. It was bad last year but now I'm in second year it's gotten worse. Hearing my flatmates having sex makes me feel really sad too. I have social anxiety which is why I struggled to make friends in first year. I also work in a supermarket and every weekend night almost all the customers are just hundreds of uni couples which makes me feel really depressed and the past two weeks I have gotten home after work back to my flat and just broken down in tears. This is supposed to be the best time of my life instead it's the worst. I just really want friends and a girlfriend because right now I feel that nobody cares about me. Everyday I wake up and dread the day ahead. Please give me advice on what I should do about my situation, the pain I am experiencing is unbearable I feel so alone.
A girlfriend will not cure this problem that you have. You will just use her as a crutch for your issues! Why haven't you booked yourself in for some counselling/ student therapy? You have deeper issues that need sorting out before you gain the confidence to deal with the causes of your anxiety. Anxiety always has a root cause! Do you know what your root cause was or is?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mgi)
A girlfriend will not cure this problem that you have. You will just use her as a crutch for your issues! Why haven't you booked yourself in for some counselling/ student therapy? You have deeper issues that need sorting out before you gain the confidence to deal with the causes of your anxiety. Anxiety always has a root cause! Do you know what your root cause was or is?
Okay, that isn’t true because the only reason I am depressed is due to social isolation, having friends and a girlfriend will take away that burden of loneliness and depression make me more sociable and increase my confidence and I would absolutely not use my girlfriend as a crutch for my issues as the only issues I have in my life resolve around being isolated, once the isolation problem is solved and I have companions there will be no issues. I have booked myself into cbt therapy a few weeks ago and my first appointment is next week. I’m thinking societies at uni would work because i can’t think of any other ways to meet people.
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Scotney
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, that isn’t true because the only reason I am depressed is due to social isolation, having friends and a girlfriend will take away that burden of loneliness and depression make me more sociable and increase my confidence and I would absolutely not use my girlfriend as a crutch for my issues as the only issues I have in my life resolve around being isolated, once the isolation problem is solved and I have companions there will be no issues. I have booked myself into cbt therapy a few weeks ago and my first appointment is next week. I’m thinking societies at uni would work because i can’t think of any other ways to meet people.
Yes absolutely join some societies at uni.They are always looking for new members.I know it is daunting walking in to such things but most people there are there to make friends.Come on it is only the start of year 2 you can still turn this around.
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gjd800
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Try some societies, go to your counselling appointment, and maybe talk to someone at student support. you can spin this around to make it work for you, just needs you to put yourself out there a tiny bit
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Scotney)
Yes absolutely join some societies at uni.They are always looking for new members.I know it is daunting walking in to such things but most people there are there to make friends.Come on it is only the start of year 2 you can still turn this around.
I agree with you there but it is two months into the semester now and I worry that if I go to a society meeting people will have already formed friendships weeks ago and I already struggle to talk to people. What would I do just turn up to one of the socials and start talking to somebody?
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yila_x
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Bro I feel the exact same as you.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, that isn’t true because the only reason I am depressed is due to social isolation, having friends and a girlfriend will take away that burden of loneliness and depression make me more sociable and increase my confidence and I would absolutely not use my girlfriend as a crutch for my issues as the only issues I have in my life resolve around being isolated, once the isolation problem is solved and I have companions there will be no issues. I have booked myself into cbt therapy a few weeks ago and my first appointment is next week. I’m thinking societies at uni would work because i can’t think of any other ways to meet people.
Yes CBT is a goid idea and so is meeting people. Because really dealing with your confidence and anxiety is the first base! Then afterwards you can do the gf bit! You have to sort out your own head and emotions before you get involved in an emotion based relationship such as having a girlfriend. And, in fact, you will pick better friends /girlfriend as you start dealing with your deeper issues!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by yila_x)
Bro I feel the exact same as you.
Really? I mean as bad like crying and depression at everyone having personal relationships?
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Maid Marian
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I understand. I used to be a bit like that. The options are to either seek support, carry on as you are and just bear it until you get your dergee, or quit and go home and think of a new plan. I'm sure your uni will have a counsellor and even peer mentors who will spend time chatting with you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Maid Marian)
I understand. I used to be a bit like that. The options are to either seek support, carry on as you are and just bear it until you get your dergee, or quit and go home and think of a new plan. I'm sure your uni will have a counsellor and even peer mentors who will spend time chatting with you.
Okay carrying on like this is most definitely not an option because the depression and loneliness are so intense it will probably lead to suicide. I’m not quitting and going home because I want to be at university I just don’t want to be the only friendless person there while everyone else has a million friends and never stops having sex. I just want to be like everyone else and therapy is my best bet at sorting out my emotional issues but practical means of going about meeting people societies is all I can think of.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, that isn’t true because the only reason I am depressed is due to social isolation, having friends and a girlfriend will take away that burden of loneliness and depression make me more sociable and increase my confidence and I would absolutely not use my girlfriend as a crutch for my issues as the only issues I have in my life resolve around being isolated, once the isolation problem is solved and I have companions there will be no issues. I have booked myself into cbt therapy a few weeks ago and my first appointment is next week. I’m thinking societies at uni would work because i can’t think of any other ways to meet people.
Yes. What do they do at these socials? You can introduce yourself and ask questions about different social events etc. There is no need to overthink things.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mgi)
Yes. What do they do at these socials? You can introduce yourself and ask questions about different social events etc. There is no need to overthink things.
I’m just curious how easy or difficult it will be to make friends at these social events and possibly get a girlfriend
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m just curious how easy or difficult it will be to make friends at these social events and possibly get a girlfriend
As i was trying to help you with;- you need to slow down and learn more about yourself and how to make friends first. So go to the social with the aim of relaxing, being friendly and just talking. It is only hard if you start overthinking things!
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Scotney
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I agree with you there but it is two months into the semester now and I worry that if I go to a society meeting people will have already formed friendships weeks ago and I already struggle to talk to people. What would I do just turn up to one of the socials and start talking to somebody?
My son was president of one society and a member of 3others.He was and still is always glad to have someone new to meet and make friends with. Some of his best friends were late joining the societies. Be brave I know it is hard but it will be worth it. He is very shy himself but hides it well.
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