Changing life plans at the last minute Watch

DominF
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#1
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Basically, I met an amazing girl and like her more than I've ever liked anyone before, and she really likes me. But just as she'd stayed long enough for me to really get to like her, she moved to a different continent. She's there for a long time, and it's somewhere I'd always planned to live at some stage.

I really don't think she'd be into a LDR, I'm worried I simply wouldn't be able to keep her interested enough (which is fair enough, had we known each other longer than a month before she moved things may be different, but it's hard to keep that level of interest going long distance after such a short time (I'm guessing it'd be for her anyway, I'm crazy about her)). I've already applied to universities here in the UK for this September (the idea of seeing if I could get deferred entry just hit me as I'm writing this, which would be great I think) and pretty much had the next few years of my life planned out, but now I've met her and discovered how accessible moving there and getting a job really is, I wish I was going there now instead of after university.

I honestly hope I fail all my A levels so can't go to university and could move where she is, that's how bad it is. Were it not for this voice of reason in the back of my mind screaming "this is stupid, you can't move across the world after applying for your loans, accommodation and everything", I'd probably be on the next flight out. I really don't want to jerk whichever university I go to around before I've even been there by asking for deferred entry until next year, but at this very moment, I honestly wish that was what I could do.

TL;DR: I met a girl, we like each other, she moved across the world, I'm considering not going to university having already applied since I want to live there anyway and she's said the only thing stopping us from going further was geographical location.

I guess I'm just looking for general advice. Thanks!
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Webbykinskt
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Love can work in mysterious ways.. lol

I reckon you should wait until you know about Uni, i mean you may get amazing results and could do so well but if you just deferred it... then maybe you'd not want to go back? if you understand...

How important is Uni to you? If it's very important then i'd stay here but if it's not really that big... then go... follow your heart lol

I'm just saying you need to think about the long term... if you go and get a job... will it have the oppourtunity to do well and become successful?
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randomgirl
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If this girl really likes you and if you two really are meant to be together then the distance shouldn't change things. Do you want to go to uni for the sake of getting a degree or because you feel you should as it's the "done thing"?

If you do value going to uni and if this girl is okay with you doing this, then sure go for it. But if you feel that perhaps it is a bit soon and that your degree is important etc then give it a few years.

Yes LDR's can be horrible for both parties but they can work for some people. And there is no reason why an LDR would not work for you and this girl if you both put the effort in and want it enough.

Have you spoken to her about all of this? I think you really do need to talk to her. How would she feel about you moving over there? Have you thought about practicalities (e.g. could you live with her?find work?)?

Good luck with whatever you do decide.
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EvilSheep
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Don't dismiss an LDR just because you've "only" known eachother for a month!! I hadn't known my boyfriend for long before we decided on an LDR. Others meet online, so don't even "know" eachother in person until way into the relationship. If the feelings between you two are mutual, then it doesn't have to be a problem (apart from missing eachother loads..) Why don't you (and she if she's a fellow TSRer) come into the LDR society thread and see that it can really work?!?
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DominF
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I've spoken to her a lot about how I'd go about moving there, but never actually in the context of us thinking I'd do it. If I did move there, I'd make it clear to her before I did that I didn't suddenly expect a relationship or anything like that. I could get a job and somewhere to stay, though.

I'm not sure how important university is to me... I'm NOT just going for the sake of having something to do for 3 years, but I'm not insanely enthusiastic about it either. I'm going because I want a qualification and could get a job in that field (bioscience), even if I'm not hugely bothered about getting that kind of job.
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Purple
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Cant you spend the summer together and see how it goes?
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DominF
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Doh, really should've mentioned this, I'm flying out to see her at the end of the month. Obviously I'm going to wait to see how that goes before making this decision, but this thread was made under the assumption that my feelings wouldn't change. :P So yeah, continue as if I'll definitely still be crazy about her after the visit. If I'm not (highly unlikely) then the path to take is obvious.
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Tombola
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How far are we talking about in regards to distance?

Personally I don't think you should drop everything to be with her. Maintain the relationship with regular visits and online chatting for the time being. Mmm... 3 Years....

It's too idealistic and somewhat the implications of doing so haven't fully sunk. Where would you live? Financing yourself? Career progression?
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rkd
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It's not a strong enough relationship to survive being an LDR...but it's strong enough that you'll give up uni and move to a different country after a month?
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Redpanda91
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(Original post by Tombola)
How far are we talking about in regards to distance?

Personally I don't think you should drop everything to be with her. Maintain the relationship with regular visits and online chatting for the time being. Mmm... 3 Years....

It's too idealistic and somewhat the implications of doing so haven't fully sunk. Where would you live? Financing yourself? Career progression?
the OP said she's on a different continent, I'm thinking it's a very long distance :p:
feel sorry for you OP but wait until after uni, don't defer it because you might never go back, and who knows what will happen in terms of uni relationships. If fate wants you to be together, it'll end up that way
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libertine861
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Personally I wouldn't drop my life plans for the sake of a relationship as I've seen other people do it and the relationship ended; but then I've never been in love with anyone...
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Tombola
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The hate fest squad have arrived...!

But in all seriousness. If there was the option of studying university in that country, then I'd only consider then perhaps moving there. Otherwise don't screw over your life just to be with another person, it's romantic but... you honestly don't want to end up resenting the other person due to a lack of qualification. I'm sure she'd want you to do well too.

It's more practical to study and then move over to be with her.
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