Bad boyfriend? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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A few weeks back my parents separated, it was out of the blue and was obviously quite a shock. Immediately afterwards I was quite calm and phoned my boyfriend of almost two years to let him know (he is several hours away at university). I was reasonably calm, in hindsight it ws probably because I was in shock. But my boyfriend took this as me being completely okay and after around 20 minutes on the phone, he left to go on a night out. Is my annoyance justified?
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PetitePanda
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A few weeks back my parents separated, it was out of the blue and was obviously quite a shock. Immediately afterwards I was quite calm and phoned my boyfriend of almost two years to let him know (he is several hours away at university). I was reasonably calm, in hindsight it ws probably because I was in shock. But my boyfriend took this as me being completely okay and after around 20 minutes on the phone, he left to go on a night out. Is my annoyance justified?
Wtf. He should’ve comforted you when you’re definitely not okay. It would’ve been reasonable if he texted you if he had existing plans that’s why he left to go on a night out. But if he didn’t, yes your annoyance is justified but he should’ve spared a bit of time to comfort you at least. Did it happen tonight?
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grKiro
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Leave him.............there's always someone for you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
Wtf. He should’ve comforted you when you’re definitely not okay. It would’ve been reasonable if he texted you if he had existing plans that’s why he left to go on a night out. But if he didn’t, yes your annoyance is justified but he should’ve spared a bit of time to comfort you at least. Did it happen tonight?
No, it happened a while back. Luckily my parents have settled their differences and are back together, but him doing this has kind of stuck in my mind. He did call me the next morning and apologise saying he "hadn't really thought about how serious it was" and that he was sorry. What annoyed me most was the week immediately after this he kept phoning me complaining about menial things, obviously, I want to be there for him but with what I was going through I really don't think I should have had to listen to him complaining.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A few weeks back my parents separated, it was out of the blue and was obviously quite a shock. Immediately afterwards I was quite calm and phoned my boyfriend of almost two years to let him know (he is several hours away at university). I was reasonably calm, in hindsight it ws probably because I was in shock. But my boyfriend took this as me being completely okay and after around 20 minutes on the phone, he left to go on a night out. Is my annoyance justified?
If you were calm, maybe he felt you were going to be ok for the moment, then went on his (maybe) pre-arranged night out.

The real question is, has he phoned you since, and has he listened and shown some empathy?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
If you were calm, maybe he felt you were going to be ok for the moment, then went on his (maybe) pre-arranged night out.

The real question is, has he phoned you since, and has he listened and shown some empathy?
yeah we've spoken since and I told him how I felt about him going out and he was sorry which was good. I think there was really just a miscommunication which has happened a few times now since hes moved away to university.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yeah we've spoken since and I told him how I felt about him going out and he was sorry which was good. I think there was really just a miscommunication which has happened a few times now since hes moved away to university.
Oh I am very, very pleased to hear this. The important thing now is to process what has happened with your parents. Distance does not make things easy, but if it is any comfort, I maintained several long distance relationships whilst I was at uni, one when I was even living in a different country!

Just be aware that your parents' separating is not your fault. It happens a lot unfortunately. The pain is pretty raw now and you are shocked, but time will help you get accustomed to it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
Oh I am very, very pleased to hear this. The important thing now is to process what has happened with your parents. Distance does not make things easy, but if it is any comfort, I maintained several long distance relationships whilst I was at uni, one when I was even living in a different country!

Just be aware that your parents' separating is not your fault. It happens a lot unfortunately. The pain is pretty raw now and you are shocked, but time will help you get accustomed to it.
my parents have sorted everything out and have got back together along with now going to regular counselling. I'm the oldest of six girls so I have I found it quite hard having to help out at home as well as gong to school. Thanks for your help <3 x
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
my parents have sorted everything out and have got back together along with now going to regular counselling. I'm the oldest of six girls so I have I found it quite hard having to help out at home as well as gong to school. Thanks for your help <3 x
Oh that's even better news! The counselling will help, and will hopefully help them rebuild their relationship. A lack of communication is often to blame for a break up.

Good luck, and my heart really goes out to you. :heart:
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Dunnig Kruger
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Thinking about this logically, why should your parents separating affect your happiness one bit?

Logically it shouldn't.

Emotionally, it will. Because you are human.

You are an adult now. What your parents do now is mainly between them.

Try to think as logically as you can about this. If your parents think they'd be happier living apart, then logically you should support them in this decision and wish them well in this new exciting chapter of their lives.

Your boyfriend will have a certain amount of emotional detachment from your parents. If he's looking at this in a cool, calculated way then that's fine. His calming influence will do no harm and may do some good in this situation.

Also, from your boyfriend's point of view, his main concern is your welfare. You sounded fine. So that was the main thing - for him.
Plus this is something that is your family's internal politics. It's not really appropriate for him to get invlolved in this. But it does sound like he'd be happy to be a shoulder for your to cry on.

Anyway, I think your boyfriend has behaved fine. I think your parents have behaved fine too.
They may stick together now, or they may separate again. It's their choice.
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No, it happened a while back. Luckily my parents have settled their differences and are back together, but him doing this has kind of stuck in my mind. He did call me the next morning and apologise saying he "hadn't really thought about how serious it was" and that he was sorry. What annoyed me most was the week immediately after this he kept phoning me complaining about menial things, obviously, I want to be there for him but with what I was going through I really don't think I should have had to listen to him complaining.
That’s good that your parents were able to sort things out. I understand why your mind lingered on it but I think he made effort to call you back and was apologetic so he must’ve thought about you. Just tell him that you’ll be there for him but rn you aren’t in a great mind set that you are able to be fully there for him with things going on.
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