****ed up a perfectly good friendship is what I did Watch

girlsinthe80s
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So me and this guy have known each other for five years now, and really only started being friends around 2016/2017.
Right now he lives about 3 hours away from me but we still chat often and see each other at least every couple months, and I would consider him one of my best friends. I've also unfortunately had an annoyingly stubborn crush on him for the last two years, and my strategy for dealing with that has generally been "drunk text him stupid **** but ignore and repress the fact that you like him when sober". It's worked great, thanks for asking.

Just for context before I continue: I've had flings/slept woth two of his best friends before (who's in denial about their feelings?? Me!) , but he's always had a very casual, chill reaction to it, kind of bro-like if you understand. Anyways.

Recently when I've met him (usually at parties) he's been much more touchy-feely, and he's been very generous when it comes to compliments, which is unlike him. I thought it might have to do with the fact that I moved away and it's weird that we don't see each other as much, so maybe he's overcompensating a bit? Personally, I've always been very lovey with all my friends, and especially when I'm drinking I give out kisses and hugs like free candy, and I always say whatever silly thing is on my mind - like I told him he's "sort of the love of everyone's life" - which to me made perfect sense at the time but don't ask me about it now. Thinking back this might not have been my smartest move.

Just this weekend we went to a party together, and I told him about a guy I've been talking to. He didn't seem like he wanted to talk about it, which I assumed was a mixture of "oh my god don't you ever shut up" and "i'm lonely((" so I started talking about something else. I drank quite a lot, so the details are fuzzy but at some point we ended up alone outside, and he kissed me. I told him it was a stupid idea, and he agreed but kissed me again. He said something along the lines of "we don't need to tell people about this" and then we went upstairs and had sex.

Now, my seriously-****ing-this-up started when I told him, repeatedly, while we were having sex that this was a dumb idea and that we were stupid. (To clarify, I said this because I didn't and still don't want to lose him). I also didn't realize that the room we were in didn't have a lock, so the entire party, which at this point had been looking for us for about an hour, barged into the room. They all left after screaming in shock, and we continued.

So, already it's a pretty ****ed situation. Some other things which has left me scarred and cringing includes the fact that he told me that I could "practice" for the guy I had mentioned earlier, and that someone at the party yelled "Good on you, you followed our plan!" which was an inside joke which I don't think he got.

Afterwards he all but ran out the door, and I was left with my two very nosey friends who asked - while he was still within hearing distance - how I would rate him in bed (I told them I wouldn't rate him, but I don't know if he heard that).

I sent him a snapchat that same night asking if we were cool, and he answered in the affirmative, but he also hasn't really talked to me after, which is really weird and uncomfortable and stressful.

I just have no idea how to proceed. We both have next to no friends outside our friendgroup from high school, so ignoring him is not an option, and I wouldn't want to anyway. I am incredibly stressed and anxious thinking about this, and I don't want our friendship to die because of this. I'm also stressing even more because after this, his friends who were at the party have told me they think that he was a virgin and it's honestly very likely and it's so overwhelming thinking about the fact that I might have ****ed up his first time so horrendously. Everything about this situation is just a big mess and I can't wrap my head around it, so please, give me something. Tips, advice, thoughts, insults, whatever, I just can't sit around thinking about it without getting some feedback.

TL;DR:
-Had sex with longtime friend who I've liked for years
-Scared our friendship is ruined
-Need tips, advice, thoughts, whatever.
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luccia
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Mehhhhh.... feels like the plot of a Wattpad story :/
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girlsinthe80s
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(Original post by luccia)
Mehhhhh.... feels like the plot of a Wattpad story :/
uh???? well its my actual goddamn life rn
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Discrepancy
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I mean it seems like you have feelings for him and you get carried away. He might like you, but you haven't written much signs down.

It just seems so bunched up together.

I don't think you ruined a friendship.
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Scotney
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(Original post by girlsinthe80s)
uh???? well its my actual goddamn life rn
Do you like him as in is he boyfriend material?
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girlsinthe80s
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(Original post by Scotney)
Do you like him as in is he boyfriend material?
yeah but at this point i just want to make sure we wont fall out of touch and become those awkward people who are at all of the same gatherings but never talk, you know?? i've liked him for years & ignored it so it's not like i can't ignore it now
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girlsinthe80s
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(Original post by Discrepancy)
I mean it seems like you have feelings for him and you get carried away. He might like you, but you haven't written much signs down.

It just seems so bunched up together.

I don't think you ruined a friendship.
i def have feelings for him but i think that even if he has feelings for me he's too embarrassed about the fact that people saw us that he wont really do anything, you know? i have a vague memory of telling him im in love with him before we hooked up, so it's not like he doesnt know

also bless u for saying that, i really hope i havent
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Scotney
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(Original post by girlsinthe80s)
yeah but at this point i just want to make sure we wont fall out of touch and become those awkward people who are at all of the same gatherings but never talk, you know?? i've liked him for years & ignored it so it's not like i can't ignore it now
If I were him I would feel like you were mucking him about and that is understating it?It is time to act like a grown up rather than an overgrown schoolgirl and talk to him about how you feel.Tell him you like him and ask him if he wants to make a go of it as a couple.At least then you will both know where you stand.Simple really.
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Oxford Mum
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I had a friend like you. Someone liked her but she wanted glamour so she went out with his brother and his best friend.

When that didn’t work out, she decided she fancied him after all, but he said he was heartbroken that he was her last choice and it was too late.

She ended up marrying some really nice guy but she is still hankering after the first guy. He is now married so she will never have a chance with him.

For goodness sake stop talking about other men you fancy in front of him, what on Earth is he going to think?

And stop getting drunk and going round kissing guys at said parties as well! Again that is not a good look. And having sex during a party, where people can burst in on you?

You need to have a proper chat with this guy and lay your cards right down on the table. Tell him you have cared for him throughout and you are prepared to change for him.

He may be overjoyed and if so, make sure you take good care of him and stop dreaming of others.

On the other hand you may end up like my friend and lose him altogether.
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