Fear. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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I think I have a real problem.

Please keep this anon as it is so embarrassing.

I don't even know how to explain it really, but I'm just so scared of being attacked/abducted/murdered/mugged/raped etc. I feel sick at the thought of walking somewhere on my own, incase one of the aforementioned things happens to me.

I live in a sleepy little village, it's beautiful, but the thought of walking around the quiet roads by myself makes me feel sick with fear. It's ridiculous but I can't help it. I'd love to be able to walk my dog around or go for a nice walk or run, but I get so jumpy. I see a man walking towards me and my heart goes into my mouth and I suddenly think where I could run to if he decides to attack me. Every car that drives past, my heart thumps because I imagine them slowing down and grabbing me into the car. Basically, I become a nervous wreck when I have to walk anywhere by myself (which is rare, because I hate it so much).

I just feel so utterly pathetic. The funny thing is, I'm ok walking in a big town, with lots of people bustling around, it's just the idea of being in an isolated place on my own.

I'm really worried, because I'm going to uni in october, and I'll need to walk a lot of places and obviously I won't always have a friend with me. I just don't know how I'll cope. My parents shout at me and tell me I'm pathetic and make me feel so stupid about it, but I really can't help it. I look out the window and wish I could go for a relaxing walk by myself, but I just can't, I'd be too scared of something happening to me.

I'm nearly in tears as I'm writing this. I don't even know what is wrong with me, is it a phobia or an anxiety issue or what?

I'm a confident, outgoing person usually. I love socialising and meeting new people, I'm not particularly shy and I love going to new places, so I just don't understand what's wrong with me.

Whenever I'm walking somewhere by myself (in broad daylight!) I glance around and wonder which house I could run to for help or I think of things I have in my bag that I could use to defend myself. Ridiculous things like that.

Is anyone else the same? Or does anyone have any advice?
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IanDangerously
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#2
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Probably a phobia, seems a perfectly valid phobia to have the way this country is going though. "being attacked/abducted/murdered/mugged/raped etc." happens a lot so it never hurts to be too careful, but maybe you can get some kind of therapy to help with your phobia.


Ironically, looking nervous or crying or breaking down in public is the one thing thats most likely to get you attacked, murdered, etc. because these kinda people like to pick on people who make themselves look emotionally weak and defenseless. Bear that in mind and it should provide motivation to get over your fear quickly.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by IanDangerously)
Probably a phobia, seems a perfectly valid phobia to have the way this country is going though. "being attacked/abducted/murdered/mugged/raped etc." happens a lot so it never hurts to be too careful, but maybe you can get some kind of therapy to help with your phobia.


Ironically, looking nervous or crying or breaking down in public is the one thing thats most likely to get you attacked, murdered, etc. because these kinda people like to pick on people who make themselves look emotionally weak and defenseless. Bear that in mind and it should provide motivation to get over your fear quickly.

Thanks, the thing is though, because things like that DO happen, I don't know if it can be treated in the same way as a phobia. It's not like people with a fear of cotton wool or something, things that really won't hurt you. I just feel it's a matter of time before something scary happens to me.
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IanDangerously
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, the thing is though, because things like that DO happen, I don't know if it can be treated in the same way as a phobia. It's not like people with a fear of cotton wool or something, things that really won't hurt you. I just feel it's a matter of time before something scary happens to me.
Most common phobias occur about things that can and do happen, as their the things people are most commonly scared of. You can get treated with anti-depressants for acute anxiety I think, and possibly some psychotherapy or counselling to remove your fears. Ask a doctor, in confidence.

It seems that all the things your frightened off though ultimately add up to necrophobia, a fear of death, right? I believe thats the most common human phobia. Don't worry, it's a perfectly normal thing to worry about, but let's face it, one day somethings gonna happen to everyone - theres absolutely no point in worrying about it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by IanDangerously)
Most common phobias occur about things that can and do happen, as their the things people are most commonly scared of. You can get treated with anti-depressants for acute anxiety I think, and possibly some psychotherapy or counselling to remove your fears. Ask a doctor, in confidence.

It seems that all the things your frightened off though ultimately add up to necrophobia, a fear of death, right? I believe thats the most common human phobia. Don't worry, it's a perfectly normal thing to worry about, but let's face it, one day somethings gonna happen to everyone - theres absolutely no point in worrying about it.
Nooo, in a way it's not the fear of of being killed, it's the idea of being held captive or tortured or something. Being bundled into a van or something, or being attacked and then having to live with the fear afterwards.

I want to try and get over this on my own, I'm not involving doctors and **** like that, I've seen my best friend be messed about by psychiatrists for the past year and I'm not going down that road.
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Liv~
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You can talk to your frriend about this. or perhaps you can go to psychiatrist and discuss about the issue.
I am scared too. I mean well in my country, lots of things happened with the girls. I believe the same occur in your place too. I never walk on the public road, not even taking public transport here. Never walk to the malls alone. I am not terribly afraid though, but it just better for precaution. Coz you wont know when the bad thing will happen.

Advice: maybe you should learn taekwondo or martial art. Or bring swiss army knife just to prevent. Not sure it much a help, but well, at the very least you feel slightly confident over yourself
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omni1
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i blame tv. theres to many scenarios of attacks in isolated areas, maybe u can search for statisitcs of attacks in village type areas, i think it will be very low. i think your more likely to die whilst driving then to be attacked in a isolated area, but then again i get scared of the dark sometimes i think theres like someone waiting to attack me in the dark.......i use to be more scared as a child, i dont think my fear of dark will go and i dont think your fear of isolated areas will go either, but you can reduce your fear. i think its best to face your fears, but not in one all out attempt, slow baby steps. first walk to one place and face one danger, another day walk to another place and face another danger and so on, then make it 2 places a day..if you are gonna do that it would be good to write out what your gonna do, so you stick to it and have something to aim for
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trance addict
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(Original post by Liv~)
You can talk to your frriend about this. or perhaps you can go to psychiatrist and discuss about the issue.
I am scared too. I mean well in my country, lots of things happened with the girls. I believe the same occur in your place too. I never walk on the public road, not even taking public transport here. Never walk to the malls alone. I am not terribly afraid though, but it just better for precaution. Coz you wont know when the bad thing will happen.

Advice: maybe you should learn taekwondo or martial art. Or bring swiss army knife just to prevent. Not sure it much a help, but well, at the very least you feel slightly confident over yourself
martial art wont help if you someone is holding a gun to your head/knife to your throat
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IanDangerously
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(Original post by Liv~)
Advice: maybe you should learn taekwondo or martial art. Or bring swiss army knife just to prevent. Not sure it much a help, but well, at the very least you feel slightly confident over yourself
Most criminals in this country involved in violent crime will use weapons. Without wishing to be disrespectful, I don't think learning a martial art will do very much unless taekwondo enables someone to deflect bullets or survive deep knife wounds in the throat.

Oh, and carrying a swiss army knife around is likely to lead to a criminal charge even for carrying it in the event of a search or something. Bringing it out in public, even if absolutely neccesary in self defense and just as a threat, carries a minimum of a year imprisonment.
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spatula01
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(Original post by trance addict)
martial art wont help if you someone is holding a gun to your head/knife to your throat
that's constructive:rolleyes:
I am pretty sure people aren't suggesting that it would make you invincible. more that it might be a good way for the OP to feel less vunerable
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Liv~
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WHAT! weapons?? sorry..totally didnt expect that. Such an extreme crime there.. I supposed. And kyaa.. I am going to study in UK this year. I should be really careful and pray more Bring more friends when I go out perhaps the nicest idea I can think of?

So knife (no USE!) Martial Art ( useless!) aarghh..and here, they once put a show on TV. on girl defense system! Omg. [gluk...]
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IanDangerously
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(Original post by Liv~)
WHAT! weapons?? sorry..totally didnt expect that. Such an extreme crime there.. I supposed. And kyaa.. I am going to study in UK this year. I should be really careful and pray more Bring more friends when I go out perhaps the nicest idea I can think of?

So knife (no USE!) Martial Art ( useless!) aarghh..and here, they once put a show on TV. on girl defense system! Omg. [gluk...]
Violent crime generally is confined to people who make themselves victims. Be confident and outgoing, make friends with people. If you have to go out in the evening, go out with friends or tell somebody you can trust where your going and what time your expecting to get back if your concerned. Carry a cellphone with you at all times and stick to well lit areas after dark. And most importantly, don't draw attention to your expensive possessions in public or say something upsetting or angering to anybody. .... and you will be absolutely fine. Don't worry.
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Vickyy
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I used to be like this. I still am to an extent. I used to HATE getting the bus, for example. My parents thought I was being bullied or something, but really it was just because I had to wait alone by the road for 10-15 minutes. I now get the bus alone everyday, but if anyone slows down as they drive past or I see someone I don't recognise I get nervous and plan escape routes.

I also live in a small village with about 100 houses, and in a way I feel a lot safer in town than I do here. It's the fact that I'm alone and it's quiet that bothers me, even though statistically I'm sure that it's more 'dangerous' in built up areas.

I agree that you should start with little things that you feel are relatively safe. If you relax and just try not to think about what COULD happen, and get over it once or twice, then it gets easier. I suppose I'd suggest to find somewhere that you know well and make plans to meet a friend. That way you have to make your way to the meeting point. I don't know, I'm not much help since I'm not great at this myself, haha.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Vickyy)
I used to be like this. I still am to an extent. I used to HATE getting the bus, for example. My parents thought I was being bullied or something, but really it was just because I had to wait alone by the road for 10-15 minutes. I now get the bus alone everyday, but if anyone slows down as they drive past or I see someone I don't recognise I get nervous and plan escape routes.

I also live in a small village with about 100 houses, and in a way I feel a lot safer in town than I do here. It's the fact that I'm alone and it's quiet that bothers me, even though statistically I'm sure that it's more 'dangerous' in built up areas.

I agree that you should start with little things that you feel are relatively safe. If you relax and just try not to think about what COULD happen, and get over it once or twice, then it gets easier. I suppose I'd suggest to find somewhere that you know well and make plans to meet a friend. That way you have to make your way to the meeting point. I don't know, I'm not much help since I'm not great at this myself, haha.
Omg you sound like me! I get creeped out at the bus stop, cos I sit there by myself and I just imagine if someone slowed down in their car or something..arrghh. And yeah quiet village vs town, you'd think it would be more scary in the latter.
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libertine861
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I can appreciate your problem to an extent. I never use to feel this way, I use to roam the streets at all hours and not have a care in the world, I didn't even change when I got mugged. When I got attacked a second time though by the same people, that made me paranoid and I'm always planning my routes carefully now, even drive short distances if possible and if I'm walking; I'm always aware of my surroundings and checking that I'm not being followed. It was that attitude of indifference that led me to getting mugged in the first place, I was making myself an attractive target without even realising it because I was just walking around completely switched off to what was happening around me.

I didn't even realise that I was doing this until I read 'Dead or Alive: the choice is yours' by Geoff Thompson. I've read various self defence books since being attacked and this is by far the best I have read. It's not your typical self defence book that focuses on moves to disarm attackers, or anything like that. It focuses on how to control your fear/adrenalin, because the body goes into fight or flight mode when faced with danger. (and sometimes people 'freeze'). It teaches you how to become more aware of your environment, basically how to avoid becoming a victim. I would strongly recommend that you read it, it should make you feel more confident and whilst alot of it may seem like common sense, some of it is stuff that you wouldn't even think about. Another good self-defence book is the SAS guide to self-defence.

The best way to overcome your fear is to educate yourself in whatever it is that is scaring you. Learn how to protect yourself and reduce your chances of becoming a victim. Someone suggested learning a martial art, that's a good idea. It will increase your fitness and confidence. Obviously if someone has a gun or a knife, the odds are stacked against you but let's put things into perspective here, is that really likely to happen? the most common victims of violence are young males. As long as you're not advertising yourself as an easy victim, you should be fine. I'm guessing that because of your fears, you are not making yourself an easy victim as you are constantly assessing potential threats. I never use to do that and that's what contributed to me getting attacked.

Have you always felt like this? can you remember a time when you didn't feel like this?
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Sephaeii
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Hey

I understand where you're coming from. I hate being outside after dark, ever since I was young but intensified incredibly when I was about 13/14. Just the thought of being outside after the sun had set would bring me out in a full blown panic attack, even if it was just a short distance. I couldn't even look out of a window after dark, that's how bad it was. I'm not even sure what it is I'm afraid of; you have a specific fear of being attacked, and I guess that's what I'm scared of too, but it's more about...I don't know, not knowing what's out there? Not being able to control it?

Anyway, I'm rambling. The point I wanted to make was that your fear can probably be overcome, or at least dealt with effectively enough to prevent it from hindering your daily life hugely. I started forcing myself to go out, little bits at a time, in big groups with lots of friends (especially guy friends). I was fed up of turning down every social situation, and having such an irrational, almost childish, fear of the dark. These days I can cope with being out and about as long as I'm with other people. I'm still get a huge adrenaline rush and my heart will be beating nineteen to the dozen, and in my head I'll be planning contingency plans and escape routes and self defence maneouvres, but I can actually step foot out of the house, and on the outside appear fairly normal. The bigger the group, the happier I am, but last winter for the first time ever I was able to be out by myself. Granted, it was a very short trip at 6 o'clock in the evening down one road in the village where I lived, once a week, and I walked so fast it took less than three minutes, and exactly 207 steps (I counted) but the point was I could do it, and I didn't think I'd ever reach that point.

Ok, very long rambling post there, sorry. The succint points are;
1. I understand what you mean, in my own way
2. It is possible to do something about it
3. Start small
4. Don't be afraid of asking for help, of safety nets. My friends know I hate being outside after dark, so they make a point of not scheduling activities that involve wandering around aimlessly, or someone will with me at the house while the others go to fetch more alcohol or whatever, so that I don't feel forced or pressurised. Do your friends know how you feel about being out alone?

Good luck, my thoughts are with you!
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wanderlust.xx
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(Original post by omni1)
i blame tv.
Yes; let's all blame the media for people's mental corruption.

Some muggers/rapists have mental disorders, others do it because they find it "fun" (but there aren't many of these... I saw some statistics on this somewhere, can't remember where though).

The whole idea that the media is brainwashing is rather simple, don't you think? I think the main thing the OP needs to arm him/herself with is knowledge. I was actually in a similar position, but arming yourself with knowledge of self defense (martial arts) or general knowledge (safe spots, awkward areas, judgment) could help boost your confidence.
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shivangee
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i feel like especially since an incident happened however i don't feel as bad as you do but i do know how you feel like something will happen when its not likely. Maybe take lesson in a martial arts as it helped me
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kiddranc
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think I have a real problem.

Please keep this anon as it is so embarrassing.

I don't even know how to explain it really, but I'm just so scared of being attacked/abducted/murdered/mugged/raped etc. I feel sick at the thought of walking somewhere on my own, incase one of the aforementioned things happens to me.

I live in a sleepy little village, it's beautiful, but the thought of walking around the quiet roads by myself makes me feel sick with fear. It's ridiculous but I can't help it. I'd love to be able to walk my dog around or go for a nice walk or run, but I get so jumpy. I see a man walking towards me and my heart goes into my mouth and I suddenly think where I could run to if he decides to attack me. Every car that drives past, my heart thumps because I imagine them slowing down and grabbing me into the car. Basically, I become a nervous wreck when I have to walk anywhere by myself (which is rare, because I hate it so much).

I just feel so utterly pathetic. The funny thing is, I'm ok walking in a big town, with lots of people bustling around, it's just the idea of being in an isolated place on my own.

I'm really worried, because I'm going to uni in october, and I'll need to walk a lot of places and obviously I won't always have a friend with me. I just don't know how I'll cope. My parents shout at me and tell me I'm pathetic and make me feel so stupid about it, but I really can't help it. I look out the window and wish I could go for a relaxing walk by myself, but I just can't, I'd be too scared of something happening to me.

I'm nearly in tears as I'm writing this. I don't even know what is wrong with me, is it a phobia or an anxiety issue or what?

I'm a confident, outgoing person usually. I love socialising and meeting new people, I'm not particularly shy and I love going to new places, so I just don't understand what's wrong with me.

Whenever I'm walking somewhere by myself (in broad daylight!) I glance around and wonder which house I could run to for help or I think of things I have in my bag that I could use to defend myself. Ridiculous things like that.

Is anyone else the same? Or does anyone have any advice?
Feeling fear is fine. but we have to overcome it and control it and not let it control us.
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