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My boyfriend is the loveliest person ever, however he has a very toxic trait : jealousy. Which makes him become very controlling. I’m not allowed to do lots of things and When I tell him I don’t like him telling me what I can and can’t do he said simply says “ if you don’t like the fact I’m not comfortable with these things, you can break up with me because my opinion won’t change” Is he right for this statement? Brcause yes technically I can break up with him.
(edited 4 years ago)
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I think he's right to say that statement. at least he's showing his true self now rather than pretending and then when you get married he suddenly switches and you're stuck.
(edited 4 years ago)
I mean at least he's honest, but his controlling behaviour isn't right.
Original post by nicolegrace1207
My boyfriend is the loveliest person ever, however he has a very toxic trait : jealousy. Which makes him become very controlling. I’m not allowed to go clubbing or to parties and I’m not allowed to have any close friendships with guys. When I confront him about me not looking this he simply says “ if you don’t like the fact I’m not comfortable with these things, you can break up with me because my opinion won’t change” Is he right for this statement? Brcause yes technically I can break up with him if I really don’t like the fact he doesn’t let me party.
90% of people going out clubbing are doing it pull, also any guys trying to be your friend are either trying to get in your pants or are gay. I think it’s very hard for a guy and girl to not catch feelings as friends.
I personally don't think its right for him to say that, he's essentially giving you an ultimatum which isnt healthy.
Maybe you could try having an actual conversation with him about it (not saying you haven't, i just mean really emphasise your emotions and how its affecting you)
If he won't even consider changing then that's a serious red flag, his controlling behaviour will only grow if he doesnt make changes.
Definitely just try talking to him though, maybe hes worried about something and you can help him work through it!
good luck!!
Maybe you could try having an actual conversation with him about it (not saying you haven't, i just mean really emphasise your emotions and how its affecting you)
If he won't even consider changing then that's a serious red flag, his controlling behaviour will only grow if he doesnt make changes.
Definitely just try talking to him though, maybe hes worried about something and you can help him work through it!
good luck!!
Original post by Anonymous
I personally don't think its right for him to say that, he's essentially giving you an ultimatum which isnt healthy.
Maybe you could try having an actual conversation with him about it (not saying you haven't, i just mean really emphasise your emotions and how its affecting you)
If he won't even consider changing then that's a serious red flag, his controlling behaviour will only grow if he doesnt make changes.
Definitely just try talking to him though, maybe hes worried about something and you can help him work through it!
good luck!!
Maybe you could try having an actual conversation with him about it (not saying you haven't, i just mean really emphasise your emotions and how its affecting you)
If he won't even consider changing then that's a serious red flag, his controlling behaviour will only grow if he doesnt make changes.
Definitely just try talking to him though, maybe hes worried about something and you can help him work through it!
good luck!!
I talk to him every day about it but it just ends in BIG bad arguments.i understand he is jealous but I am also a jealous person but sometimes his jealousy goes beyond my understanding
Original post by BinaryJava
90% of people going out clubbing are doing it pull, also any guys trying to be your friend are either trying to get in your pants or are gay. I think it’s very hard for a guy and girl to not catch feelings as friends.
Well that's a load of bull.
Original post by Joleee
how long you been together? how long has he been like this?
2 and a half years. In the first 2 months he wasn’t then he started getting controlling. It’s been worse these past couple months because I am now 18 so I can actually club, when i was 16 and 17 it was only house parties that we’d argue about , which was fine because i rarely got invited.
Original post by nicolegrace1207
2 and a half years. In the first 2 months he wasn’t then he started getting controlling. It’s been worse these past couple months because I am now 18 so I can actually club, when i was 16 and 17 it was only house parties that we’d argue about , which was fine because i rarely got invited.
How much age gap are we talking here ?
Dump his sorry, manipulative arse, now!
Original post by Aayush :)
How much age gap are we talking here ?
I’m 18 and he’s 21
Thats really sad im sorry to hear that 
maybe you should break up? ultimatums and not being able to talk about problems is definitely not a good sign
obviously its your choice though, youre the one in the relationship!
stay safe, and make sure you keep your close relationships with friends, he may be trying to isolate you from them
good luck making a decision!!
maybe you should break up? ultimatums and not being able to talk about problems is definitely not a good sign
obviously its your choice though, youre the one in the relationship!
stay safe, and make sure you keep your close relationships with friends, he may be trying to isolate you from them
good luck making a decision!!
oh no! the age gap too
does that mean you were 15/16 and he was 18/19 pursuing you?
how did you meet?
at a young age thats a pretty significant age gap, you were in very different life stages...
why was he going after someone so much younger?
i think you should dump him tbh
good luck
does that mean you were 15/16 and he was 18/19 pursuing you?
how did you meet?
at a young age thats a pretty significant age gap, you were in very different life stages...
why was he going after someone so much younger?
i think you should dump him tbh
good luck
Original post by Anonymous
oh no! the age gap too
does that mean you were 15/16 and he was 18/19 pursuing you?
how did you meet?
at a young age thats a pretty significant age gap, you were in very different life stages...
why was he going after someone so much younger?
i think you should dump him tbh
good luck
does that mean you were 15/16 and he was 18/19 pursuing you?
how did you meet?
at a young age thats a pretty significant age gap, you were in very different life stages...
why was he going after someone so much younger?
i think you should dump him tbh
good luck
I was 15 and he was 18 but I lied about my age and said i was 16 because I really liked him. I had been friends with him for 3 years before we started dating. When I told him my real age he considered breaking up with me because 15 and 18 is a bit weird but yeah 2 years later we’re still here!
Original post by nicolegrace1207
I’m 18 and he’s 21
Hmm... I wonder if the relationship is turning unhealthy due to a hidden power imbalance in the relationship.
Especially as the maturity gap between even a first and second year at uni is substantial, and your age gap is more than that, the maturity gap could be harming the relationship.
This is something to consider very carefully.
Original post by Aayush :)
Hmm... I wonder if the relationship is turning unhealthy due to a hidden power imbalance in the relationship.
Especially as the maturity gap between even a first and second year at uni is substantial, and your age gap is more than that, the maturity gap could be harming the relationship.
This is something to consider very carefully.
Especially as the maturity gap between even a first and second year at uni is substantial, and your age gap is more than that, the maturity gap could be harming the relationship.
This is something to consider very carefully.
To be completely honest I am 100% more mature than him. He acts like a 16 year old whilst I act my own age!
genuinely not to be rude but how were you friends for three years without him knowing your age?
i really think you should break up though, if he's showing no signs of changing then thats a pretty big issue
im wishing you the best of luck!
i really think you should break up though, if he's showing no signs of changing then thats a pretty big issue
im wishing you the best of luck!
Original post by nicolegrace1207
To be completely honest I am 100% more mature than him. He acts like a 16 year old whilst I act my own age!
you may feel more mature than him but your still younger, he has power over you.
if hes acting immaturely then that may be why he isn't with a woman his own age...
Original post by nicolegrace1207
To be completely honest I am 100% more mature than him. He acts like a 16 year old whilst I act my own age!
Controlling behaviour aside, you should find someone who acts their age (potentially the guy he's asking you to get rid of, but don't go straight into that and especially not as revenge) and where the age and maturity gap isn't as substantial.
Combined with the uneasiness of discussing problems, your relationship is looking very unhealthy.
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