Upset. Worried. I don't fit in with the stereotypes. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
I would say I'm a lesbian. If I said this aloud I would get disowned.
However, when I think about my sexuality. I worry because all I know is that I do not fancy men (I'm a girl!) I have no interest in men whatsoever. The thought of having to spend my life with a man, makes me uncomfortable.

But, I think, I don't fit into lesbian stereotypes I don't have short, shoulder length hair, I'm not very masculine (or feminine). I don't like wearing caps.
It makes me think who am I? What am I?

I have medium length hair, I'm neither very feminine or masculine, the only sport I like is basketball, I like reading books, I'm an introvert. I cant sit with one leg over the other, lol. This is just me and who I am. Does this not make me a lesbian? Despite me knowing I'm not attracted to men? The thought of being with a man actually makes me sick!

it makes me upset. Do other lesbians like me exist who do not have short hair or fit into this 'tomboy' stereotype? I'm not a girly girl either, I dislike wearing makeup and will only wear it if I have to for weddings etc.

Thank you.
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Anonymous #2
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you don’t have to be a “typical lesbian” to be attracted to girls. you just have to be attracted to girls to be attracted to girls. that’s it!
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knightandday
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I would say I'm a lesbian. If I said this aloud I would get disowned.
However, when I think about my sexuality. I worry because all I know is that I do not fancy men (I'm a girl!) I have no interest in men whatsoever. The thought of having to spend my life with a man, makes me uncomfortable.

But, I think, I don't fit into lesbian stereotypes I don't have short, shoulder length hair, I'm not very masculine (or feminine). I don't like wearing caps.
It makes me think who am I? What am I?

I have medium length hair, I'm neither very feminine or masculine, the only sport I like is basketball, I like reading books, I'm an introvert. I cant sit with one leg over the other, lol. This is just me and who I am. Does this not make me a lesbian? Despite me knowing I'm not attracted to men? The thought of being with a man actually makes me sick!

it makes me upset. Do other lesbians like me exist who do not have short hair or fit into this 'tomboy' stereotype? I'm not a girly girl either, I dislike wearing makeup and will only wear it if I have to for weddings etc.

Thank you.
You dont have to fit a stereotype to be a lesbian. If you like girls, thats pretty much it. You lesbian.

Maybe, if it helps, google other celebrities who are lesbians till you find one that matches your personality. Bound to be at least one
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Anonymous #3
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I get what you mean. I’m not a stereotypical lesbian either but that doesn’t mean I or you are not a lesbian. Do not doubt who you are because you don’t fit into the stereotypes. In fact, it should make you feel better because your family won’t ever think you’re a lesbian hence you wouldn’t be disowned (don’t know if I worded that correctly but hopefully you get what I mean)

Keep being you because you are very valid as you are
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AngryRedhead
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It’s fine; you don’t have to look like a butch to be a lesbian. I wear make up and dresses and I’m still gay
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The thought of being with a man actually makes me sick!
Why you gotta be so Hetrophobic?

If I [male] said what you said about being with another man I'd get called homophobic, so yes I'm calling you out!
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Anonymous #1
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I apologise, I should have been more careful with my use of language.
I apologise, sincerely.
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AngryRedhead
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I apologise, I should have been more careful with my use of language.
I apologise, sincerely.
Ignore the poster above, you are entitled to express your feelings in your own thread and if I’m honest I feel the same way
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ANM775
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(Original post by AngryRedhead)
Ignore the poster above, you are entitled to express your feelings in your own thread and if I’m honest I feel the same way
It's good that she apologised. It was offensive.

There definately seems to be a double standard about what straight people can say about gay relationships vs what gay people can say about straight relationships.
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AngryRedhead
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Why have you come onto a thread where the OP is clearly seeking help purely to make it about yourself and your own feelings? It’s the epitome of selfishness and it offers nothing to the OP in the way of constructive advice. Thinking about sleeping with a man probably makes all lesbians sick and I don’t particularly care if it offends you tbh
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Zain_Ahmed
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#11
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(Original post by ANM775)
It's good that she apologised. It was offensive.

There definately seems to be a double standard about what straight people can say about gay relationships vs what gay people can say about straight relationships.
I agree to some extent.. But I don't think that it was offensive as a woman marrying a man is what most parents invision for their child, it's kind of unconsciously enforced onto the child that they would grow up to marry the opposite gender. We have no idea of the OPs background. If from an Islamic or asian family I completely understand the OP as her parents would have constantly been saying how she will marry a man.. But she doesnt have the confidence to come out of the closet which means she has repressed her thoughts.. Over time these thoughts will build and get more emotional attachment which causes her to say she is sick of the feeling of marrying a man as it has become a world wide tradition.. Which wouldn't apply to us straight people as we fit in with that tradition and saying we are sick of marrying the same gender is a bit out of the blue...

For the OP... This is why i hate stereotypes.. I don't fit with any stereotype TBH... We are all unique in our own way and we just need to be happy with the way we are.. Stereotypes are based on peoples passed experiences which means that they are subjective (opinion based). So they aren't something everyone should be able to fit into as they are based on peoples opinions..
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Zain_Ahmed
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(Original post by AngryRedhead)
Why have you come onto a thread where the OP is clearly seeking help purely to make it about yourself and your own feelings? It’s the epitome of selfishness and it offers nothing to the OP in the way of constructive advice. Thinking about sleeping with a man probably makes all lesbians sick and I don’t particularly care if it offends you tbh
I think the point he was trying to get at was that there are better synonyms which could have been used.. And your point doesn't really make sense..
You say that ANM775 has made this thread about his opinion but you have also stated your opinion by saying " I ".. As does everyone as this is a public thread. So if someone doesn't agree with the OP and states his opinion.. It doesn't mean that he has taken over the thread. As he has only stated his opinion just like you have. This is TSR, anyone is allowed to state their opinion, this doesnt mean that he has taken over the thread and made it into his feelings.
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black tea
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I would say I'm a lesbian. If I said this aloud I would get disowned.
However, when I think about my sexuality. I worry because all I know is that I do not fancy men (I'm a girl!) I have no interest in men whatsoever. The thought of having to spend my life with a man, makes me uncomfortable.

But, I think, I don't fit into lesbian stereotypes I don't have short, shoulder length hair, I'm not very masculine (or feminine). I don't like wearing caps.
It makes me think who am I? What am I?

I have medium length hair, I'm neither very feminine or masculine, the only sport I like is basketball, I like reading books, I'm an introvert. I cant sit with one leg over the other, lol. This is just me and who I am. Does this not make me a lesbian? Despite me knowing I'm not attracted to men? The thought of being with a man actually makes me sick!

it makes me upset. Do other lesbians like me exist who do not have short hair or fit into this 'tomboy' stereotype? I'm not a girly girl either, I dislike wearing makeup and will only wear it if I have to for weddings etc.

Thank you.
You do realise that sexuality is about your sexual orientation and not about how you look, right? There is no specific way a lesbian should look, just like there is no specific way any person should look. You are you. Don't overthink things.
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AngryRedhead
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(Original post by Zain_Ahmed)
I think the point he was trying to get at was that there are better synonyms which could have been used.. And your point doesn't really make sense..
You say that ANM775 has made this thread about his opinion but you have also stated your opinion by saying " I ".. As does everyone as this is a public thread. So if someone doesn't agree with the OP and states his opinion.. It doesn't mean that he has taken over the thread. As he has only stated his opinion just like you have. This is TSR, anyone is allowed to state their opinion, this doesnt mean that he has taken over the thread and made it into his feelings.
How is his response helpful or constructive to the OP though? It isn’t; it’s just him pretending to be offended about something which is essentially a non issue to most people. The OP has clearly posted the thread to seek help and guidance and he’s posted to try to make her feel bad for no good reason.

Anyway this convo isn’t constructive to the OP either so I’ll leave it here
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londonmyst
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Don't be upset.
Other people's stereotypes don't define your life choices or sexual preferences.
You have the freedom to choose if you want to date, get married and who to.

There is no need for you to worry.
You know who you are attracted to, who you are not attracted to, what you want to avoid and achieve in life.
Other people's opinions of your private thoughts and ambitions don't matter.
Good luck.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by AngryRedhead)
How is his response helpful or constructive to the OP though? It isn’t; it’s just him pretending to be offended about something which is essentially a non issue to most people. The OP has clearly posted the thread to seek help and guidance and he’s posted to try to make her feel bad for no good reason.

Anyway this convo isn’t constructive to the OP either so I’ll leave it here
The answer is: it is not.

ANM775 have some empathy. Don't bring your political crap into a thread where the OP needs support and advice and don't tell them that it is "good" that they "apologized" for expressing how they feel. Not helpful, really. Someone worried is making a thread and the least you could do is watch your tone.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The answer is: it is not.

ANM775 have some empathy. Don't bring your political crap into a thread where the OP needs support and advice and don't tell them that it is "good" that they "apologized" for expressing how they feel. Not helpful, really. Someone worried is making a thread and the least you could do is watch your tone.

Stop being all fresh whilst hiding behind Anon.
Don't tell me what I can or cannot say if you cannot even say what you're saying without hiding.
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ANM775
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#18
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(Original post by AngryRedhead)
How is his response helpful or constructive to the OP though? It isn’t; it’s just him pretending to be offended about something which is essentially a non issue to most people. The OP has clearly posted the thread to seek help and guidance and he’s posted to try to make her feel bad for no good reason.

Anyway this convo isn’t constructive to the OP either so I’ll leave it here

I'm not pretending. As a man I find it offensive.

I'm sure if someone said "The thought of having sex with a Redhead disgusts me" you'd be the first to kick up a fuss and hit your favourite report button so shush
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Anonymous #4
#19
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#19
(Original post by ANM775)
Stop being all fresh whilst hiding behind Anon.
Don't tell me what I can or cannot say if you cannot even say what you're saying without hiding.
The anon function is there and people are allowed to use it if they wish (it is another matter entirely whether they should or not) and not sure why you are replying to me when really you ought to either make a useful contribution or just stop derailing the thread further. If it helps, I am un-watching the thread so don't bother replying.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The anon function is there and people are allowed to use it if they wish (it is another matter entirely whether they should or not) and not sure why you are replying to me when really you ought to either make a useful contribution or just stop derailing the thread further. If it helps, I am un-watching the thread so don't bother replying.
No.

The Anon button is there to post embaressing material or post about sensitive issues which you would not want friends/family to see.

The Anon button is not there to be used as a shield to run your mouth behind when you don't agree with a post another poster has made [like you have done]
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