Depression Society MkII

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I had an interesting night. :frown:

Not for good reasons though.

Went out clubbing with my flatmates, big group of us. Ended up doing predrinks over at another flat and I pretty much drank an entire (small) bottle of vodka 'cos I kept getting the forfeits. I was smashed before I left their flat. Not good. Got to the club and realised I only had enough money for the entry then like, two single drinks. Because I was already out of it at this point I decided to forego the drinks and hope straight on a pole to dance on it... Having never done it before. I've now got bruises covering my entire left arm and half my right forearm. And on my legs as well. I buggered off from my flatmates for some reason, and spent the night pretty much alone, dancing with random people. Don't have a clue what happened between leaving the pole (about 12) and getting kicked out at closing time (2:15) - Though I do remember falling asleep on a couch and being told off by a security man.

Got outside, couldn't find anyone I knew. Phoned one flatmate (flatmate A from the previous story), told me they thought I was with B and that they were probably still in the club so to phone them. Phoned B, told me they were in a cab already and thought I was with flatmate A. ******** they did. Cue the tears. Luckily a girl I know vaguely from a society saw me and made me get in her taxi... She even let me skank out on paying the full fare (it was about £2 each, I only had a pound coin). Walked halfway back to my accomodation whilst crying. Decided that I wasn't going to go back to my flat and so I sat on a bench and just sobbed for a good 15 minutes. Several people just walked by... One girl was kind enough to stop and ask me what was up, so I told her that I'd screwed everything up. She walked me back to my accomodation block, and left me there. Instead of going in I turned and walked down a path I'd never been down before; couldn't face going back and telling them why I'd been crying.

Sat at the side of the road for half an hour... Each time a car went past I was simultaneously trying to hold myself back and summon up the courage to jump in front of it. My internal dialogue was going 'Just stand in the road, it won't hurt, it'll make things better. No, don't do it now, just wait for a bit. Stay where you are.' Eventually I figured that the best thing to do was not to throw myself in front of a car but to go and talk to someone... So I went to the emergency nurse and told her that if I went back to my flat I think I'd kill myself. We sat and talked for a good hour over a cup of tea, then I went to sleep in one of their bedrooms. Was woken up at 12 by the day nurse and she's given me a number to call to talk to a woman about why I hate it here and if they can do anything about it. I was advised by the night nurse to go and see the doctors... But I dunno. :frown:

Picked my phone up on the walk back and I have a text from A saying that they were very drunk last night, and they hope I managed to get back ok because they didn't mean to leave me there. I haven't texted back yet... Dunno what to put.

Reply 5201

becki08

I miss coming on here and talking to everybody. I feel like I don't belong now though. I was struggling a lot so I kept away and now I'm doing a bit better everything seems to have changed and it's hard to come back. I do still think of you all though. :hugs:

Reply 5202

Laus

becki08

You still belong, and you're always welcome :hugs:

I think of you too :smile:

Reply 5203

becki08

Laus

You still belong, and you're always welcome :hugs:

I think of you too :smile:

Thanks Laus :hugs:

Reply 5204

Pocket Calculator

Sat at the side of the road for half an hour... Each time a car went past I was simultaneously trying to hold myself back and summon up the courage to jump in front of it. My internal dialogue was going 'Just stand in the road, it won't hurt, it'll make things better. No, don't do it now, just wait for a bit. Stay where you are.' Eventually I figured that the best thing to do was not to throw myself in front of a car but to go and talk to someone... So I went to the emergency nurse and told her that if I went back to my flat I think I'd kill myself. We sat and talked for a good hour over a cup of tea, then I went to sleep in one of their bedrooms. Was woken up at 12 by the day nurse and she's given me a number to call to talk to a woman about why I hate it here and if they can do anything about it. I was advised by the night nurse to go and see the doctors... But I dunno. :frown:

shiiiiit. that must have been awful for you. i hope you feel a little better now it's over. seeing the nurse was the best thing you could have done.

i've been there too. in a way it shows you who your real friends are, since they're the only ones you can tell the whole truth to.
"good weekend?" "no, i slept under a bridge for two nights". doesn't really get you any friends. often i just gloss it over and pretend everything's fine and dandy. but don't take my advice.

on a lighter note...

Though I do remember falling asleep on a couch and being told off by a security man.

don't worry, i've done that before too!

hope everyone else in here is doing fine. it's the loneliness that's getting to me. occupy yourself, to take your mind off it.

Reply 5205

KJ21

Just thought id see how everyone is? Im keeping away from here for reasons.....

Just thought id check up on you all

Reply 5206

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KJ21

Just thought id see how everyone is? Im keeping away from here for reasons.....

why, what's up?

Reply 5207

KJ21

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why, what's up?

Everyone seems to be against me and for no reason. I give advice they either slate me or ignore me. Most of the time ignore me

Reply 5208

kiss_me_now9

Pocket Calculator

shiiiiit. that must have been awful for you. i hope you feel a little better now it's over. seeing the nurse was the best thing you could have done.
i've been there too. in a way it shows you who your real friends are, since they're the only ones you can tell the whole truth to.
"good weekend?" "no, i slept under a bridge for two nights". doesn't really get you any friends. often i just gloss it over and pretend everything's fine and dandy. but don't take my advice.

Mm, I saw one of my flatmates earlier (since I got back, I've been in my room all day bar the 10 minutes I took to go and make noodles because I was famished) and when he asked where I'd been I mumbled something about walking around and the college where the nurses office is... He's not the brightest so I doubt he'd figure out where I'd really been. I haven't got a clue what to tell my other flatmates (A+B) though - 'Oh yeah, I went to a roadside, nearly jumped in front of a couple of cars, ended up taking myself to the nurses office because otherwise I probably would've done it, slept there all night. Was an incredible night guys!' I'm less angry at them now (more disappointed; I know if that was me, even if it was someone I didn't particularly like, I wouldn't leave them there, I'd either wait for them or go back and find them) but I'm still not really looking forward to seeing them. It really showed me what kinda people they are though... Not a bad thing, at all, we're all different, it just opened my eyes at how different our priorities are.

on a lighter note...
don't worry, i've done that before too!

Lol, it wasn't my finest moment! It was such a comfy couch though... :p:

hope everyone else in here is doing fine. it's the loneliness that's getting to me. occupy yourself, to take your mind off it.

Can you go somewhere social? Like a cafe? I find when I'm feeling lonely, it's easier to be around people I don't know and don't need to talk to. That way, I'm not alone, and I don't feel lonely - Because I don't know the people. Makes sense in my head.

Reply 5209

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kiss_me_now9

i get massively down when i'm not around friends. i'm on a friend's floor right now, waiting for him to finish work. can't leave the house since i don't have a key. but at least i'll see some friends tonight (hope anyway). although the rest of the christmas holiday from tomorrow i'll be with relatives that i barely know, in places on both sides of the atlantic . not going to be nice.

Reply 5210

kiss_me_now9

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Aww. See, I feel worse when I'm feeling down if I'm around friends; I dunno why but I prefer strangers most of the time. I just figure; if I'm feeling lonely around friends, then there's a problem. If I'm feeling lonely around people I don't know, then there's not a problem. Hopefully you can see your friends tonight and it'll be fun :smile:

I can't wait til christmas, get out of this place. I feel bad saying it, because it should be alright here, it's just not. And I love seeing my family, their problems are infinitly more interesting than mine. :p:

I'm sorry that you're not looking forward to christmas :hugs:

Reply 5211

hbandtr4eva

hi. i just got dumped. i need some company.

Reply 5212

kiss_me_now9

hbandtr4eva

hi. i just got dumped. i need some company.

I'm sorry. Was it a mutual thing?

Reply 5213

hbandtr4eva

kiss_me_now9

I'm sorry. Was it a mutual thing?

Nope, he dumped me the day he got back from Uni. Over the phone. After 20 months, 14 of which were long-distance. Now he's pretending everything's ok.

Reply 5214

bansheeee*

Im SO Scared ..i'm all alone in Founders building in rhul ,which has about 600 rooms and my room is the only one with a light on ,the lights are switched off in the corridoors and staircases and im on the 3rd floor ,there was banging in the room above last night even though when i went up and checked the room was empty with the light off ,i have been here three nights and feel like im in some kind of horror film!! :frown:

ahh.

Reply 5215

kiss_me_now9

hbandtr4eva

Nope, he dumped me the day he got back from Uni. Over the phone. After 20 months, 14 of which were long-distance. Now he's pretending everything's ok.

Nice. My friend was dumped two days before she left for uni... And the guy just stopped talking to her, completly. They'd been together over a year. :s-smilie: