Depression Society MkII

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I thought I'd be kind of 'cured' after going back to trampolining, but I just stood there thinking I might cry. Everyone looked happy and I felt so bitter about everything, about my whole life. Have a docs appointment for monday, not entirely sure what I want out of it or what I'm going to say though.

Reply 6041

jonathan122

vapid slut magician

It was always going to be difficult after being away for so long. Hopefully it'll get better with time.

Take care. :hugs:

Reply 6042

Planto

Went to a drop-in at counselling yesterday, after coming to the realisation over Christmas that loneliness is a fairly fundamental thing to all my problems. The counsellor I had for the drop-in was much livelier and much more willing to give some input on what I was saying. Found myself ranting at a very high pace for about 20 minutes, trying to cover the background of all of the "internal" stuff that I talked about in my previous counselling course and then cover how I'd felt over Christmas and the realisation I'd come to about strength of friendships and connections at uni.

She picked up on, and pointed out, three things that I already really knew, but now they're confirmed as the main issues: 1) Tendency to overthink/overanalyse, I'm constantly second-guessing second-guesses, with my thoughts zipping off at tangents. She "guessed" that even when I finally make decisions I spend all my time worrying if it was the right one, which is totally on the money. 2) Floating in limbo, I need to root myself somewhere, 3) I'm of a very different mindset to most of my peers; where they are happy to just enjoy their time at uni then go home to where their lives are really based, I'm in a position where I feel it's time for me to start my life proper, which conflicts somewhat with being at university where everything is very temporary.

So I had a proper, booked session with my old counsellor today and covered these things, but I think I might see if the one I had for the drop-in is free because I think she understood where I was coming from a bit better and her willingness to jump in and make observations will help me guide my thoughts, whereas I often find myself lost in a maze of my own cognition.

Hmm.

Reply 6043

vapid slut magician

how cute is this? :lazy:

I just found it, it cheered me up.

Reply 6044

raspberrybubbles

So wired. I have an exam in 9 and a half hours, and I'm jumping around everywhere and I want to skip. It's a really weird feeling, and I just can't keep still. I'm going to talk to my tutor about extenuating circumstances tomorrow, hopefully I'll be somewhere near Earth to actually be able to take things in!

:hugs:

to you all :lazy:

(love it vsm!)

Reply 6045

jonathan122

raspberrybubbles

to you all :lazy:

(love it vsm!)

Try and get a good nights sleep. :hugs:

Hope tomorrow's exam goes ok. :smile:

Reply 6046

kiss_me_now9

Botticello

hi hun how was christmas? uni any better?

Hey

Christmas was good, nice to have the family all together :smile:

Haven't gone back to uni yet, I go back on Monday. Even though there's things I'm looking forward to (looking at houses for next year, starting a couple of new modules and a social in the first week) it's noway near enough for me to feel excited or even happy about going back :frown:

I'm dreading it. I've got a family party on Sunday which will keep my mind ticking, but I don't fancy being around me on Sunday evening!

Reply 6047

starchild

Hospital today ... first appointment... scary scary :frown:

Reply 6048

*pink_sapphires*

PC - no, he doesn't drink. He is sooooooooooo anti-alcohol and drugs. If Mum just has a glass of wine at dinner he refuses to come to dinner because "she's killing herself and setting a bad example." He hates how I go out to pubs and clubs and enjoy it.

Siti - good luck :hugs:

let us know how it goes. love you! xx

Reply 6049

Mathy, Ace from Space

*pink_sapphires*

Oh, and Mathy, Ace from Space, this soc is full of hug giving hun. Just ask and hugs will be sent. Will chat more to you tomorrow. Sorry for my rather rude non-introduction. Hope you're ok. :hugs:

Haha, I love you guys already :smile:

Hope everyone is having a good day - and good luck with that doctor's appointment :smile:

Reply 6050

hbandtr4eva

I miss him. I hurt so much. I don't want to get through this, I can't and won't. I just want him back. I hurt so much. He's breaking my heart.

Reply 6051

*pink_sapphires*

hbandtr4eva

I miss him. I hurt so much. I don't want to get through this, I can't and won't. I just want him back. I hurt so much. He's breaking my heart.

have you got anything to be keeping you busy? i find if i'm doing something it helps take my mind off of people and life

Reply 6052

YAP

*pink_sapphires*

I don't drink, I haven't since I was 16. Not even special occasions - had shlœr on my wedding day rather than champagne. No religious reasons etc., I just don't, nothing more complicated than that.

Something else I don't do is criticise people for their drinking - if you enjoy going out, you go out, hell, you need something to enjoy. Likewise your mum with a glass of wine. Just because I don't drink and others do it's no excuse to be, quite frankly, rude.

I guess the short version of this post is ' :banghead:

'....

Reply 6053

vapid slut magician

wine has antioxidants in it, small amounts is supposedly beneficial. Unfortunately if I open a bottle I drink a bottle. I'm on alcohol ban at the moment though; we'll see how that goes. Been about 2 weeks since I last drank, which is unheard of for me.

Why do I keep having awful dreams? I'm always hysterical and shouting and swearing at my parents. Last night my grandmother (who's been dead for 7 years) accused me of being selfish and was generally mean to me about being useless and awful. I wake up so depressed and confused. How do you stop what happens in your head at night? Especially when it's totally unconnected to your waking life?

Reply 6054

Laus

Hi vsm, sorry about the dreams :frown:

. Dreams can be disturbing, and they can definitely have an impact on how you think/feel the next day. I often have arguments, too. It's strange because, when I wake up, it feels as though it might have actually happened. Very disconcerting. But I'm lucky enough not to have them as bad as I did. I really don't know what to suggest. You could try reading or listening to music. Do you eat before you go to bed? If you do, that might not help. I'm really glad you've steered clear of alcohol for two weeks - that's a huge achievement.

Reply 6055

vapid slut magician

No drinking until 21st Feb after Varsity! I'm trying to eat well too and lose weight and exercise. Hopefully i'll feel better for doing it. I think the dreams are just caused by Paxil so not much I can do. I'm worried now that I might have actually screamed at my mother and called her a bitch at some point because I get flashbacks to old dreams so it feels like they're memories and I can't tell the difference.