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Depression Society MkII

Hospital said it was Asthma, and then now im overweight and I should see a dietician and now i feel fat stupid and pathetic.

i hate how many tests i was in and the doctor didnt even listen to me :frown:

Reply 6181

Pocket Calculator

14

*pink_sapphires*

Why do I feel so ****? My Mum has done something so amazing today. She's cancelled her life insurance plan to pay off my student debt. I didn't ask her to or anything and I've said it's my mess, I'll get out of it, but she says that I shouldn't have to live with the worry of it so she'd like to help. I am so touched and relieved but still something isn't making me smile. She even bought me fish and chips for dinner but still not happy. that's amazing! you're lucky to get that kind of help!

My Dad has put a downer on my interview. He said if I go in there saying I want to leave early on Wednesdays for this college course, they won't give me the job. He says I don't want a full time job but to be honest, if they offer it to me, I'm going to take it. Argh, why am I feel so pathetic?

it's difficult. you always end up having to trade things off. don't tell them about your course until you know you've got the job.

i'm spending a lonely quiet evening in, by the looks of it. i'm hungry.
:hugs:

for all

Reply 6182

becki08

starchild

Hospital said it was Asthma, and then now im overweight and I should see a dietician and now i feel fat stupid and pathetic.

i hate how many tests i was in and the doctor didnt even listen to me :frown:

Reply 6183

*pink_sapphires*

1

starchild

Hospital said it was Asthma, and then now im overweight and I should see a dietician and now i feel fat stupid and pathetic.

i hate how many tests i was in and the doctor didnt even listen to me :frown:

Hun, i'm overweight according to my doctor too :frown:

but they only go by BMI, not by muscle weight and stuff. dont get hung up over it :hugs:

Reply 6184

raspberrybubbles

1

*pink_sapphires*

Why do I feel so ****? My Mum has done something so amazing today. She's cancelled her life insurance plan to pay off my student debt. I didn't ask her to or anything and I've said it's my mess, I'll get out of it, but she says that I shouldn't have to live with the worry of it so she'd like to help. I am so touched and relieved but still something isn't making me smile. She even bought me fish and chips for dinner but still not happy.

My Dad has put a downer on my interview. He said if I go in there saying I want to leave early on Wednesdays for this college course, they won't give me the job. He says I don't want a full time job but to be honest, if they offer it to me, I'm going to take it. Argh, why am I feel so pathetic?

Got to go and get my sister now. Hoping to go to the gym in the morning to get out of the house but I have to go to a different gym at weekends as my home club is shut and I don't know if I'm confident enough to go to the other one yet. Quite fancy the 15 minute beginners spin class. Anyone done spinning before?

It's the depression hun :hugs:

Reply 6185

raspberrybubbles

1

starchild

Hospital said it was Asthma, and then now im overweight and I should see a dietician and now i feel fat stupid and pathetic.

i hate how many tests i was in and the doctor didnt even listen to me :frown:

Bah at them

Reply 6186

vapid slut magician

starchild

Hospital said it was Asthma, and then now im overweight and I should see a dietician and now i feel fat stupid and pathetic.

i hate how many tests i was in and the doctor didnt even listen to me :frown:

I'm sure you're not overweight! Did they weigh you or something? People who are slightly overweight like longer anyway so :p:

to the doctor!

Reply 6187

jonathan122

BMI means very little when you're suffering from depression anyway - as far as I can tell most sufferers are either underweight or overweight (I went from a 28" to a 34" waist in a couple of months).

becki08

Hi becki, what's up? :console:

Reply 6190

becki08

I give up. I'm tired of this. Is it always going to be like this? 5 years. It's hard to believe it can ever be any different. I can't do what I want if I'm still like this. I've fought so hard to get to uni - stopped self-harming, suicide attempts etc, but I'm still depressed. What am I doing this for? I can't be a clinical psychologist if I'm depressed. Well I might be able to but it would be too hard and I wouldn't be able to do the job properly and it would effect my patients. What's really going to change in 2 years when nothing has the last 5? Counselling, medication, hospital and I'm still like this. I remembered just now that I hadn't taken my tablet yet today so I took them but as I was popping them out the packet I just wanted to go on. Over 300 of different types. But the thing is I don't know whether it would work. Or even if I'm honest if I want it to. I just want things to be better. Is that too much to ask? Yes I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight but am I not allowed to do that occassionally? Why me? I can understand if it was just one lot of bad things but lots? Yes I've done lots of bad things the last few years but what before then? What did I do to deserve feeling like this all the time? Was my sister right and I just am a bad person? I mean that's what I believe - I AM a bad person, but what did I actually DO? I'm tired of being like this. I don't want to be depressed anymore. I can't live like this forever. I don't want to commit suicide but I don't want to live like this either. Am I just fighting for something that won't happen? Will I always keep fighting but never get anywhere? And how will I know whether that's the case or not? How do I know things will change? How do I know they'll get better? It could just be I'm trying pointlessly and I might as well give up now to save myself pain. But then that's selfish. I can't do that to my family and my two friends. It wouldn't be fair of me. I know how much it hurts to lose someone and as much as sometimes I think they shouldn't care about me, I know they do and I can't do that to them. But this is hard. I'm worn out.

Reply 6191

vapid slut magician

jonathan122

BMI means very little when you're suffering from depression anyway - as far as I can tell most sufferers are either underweight or overweight (I went from a 28" to a 34" waist in a couple of months).

yeah my BMI is 28. But Im very short and stocky. At abot 26 my fat % is still within normal ranges so that's ok. Just need to lose about 1/2 a stone.

Reply 6192

jonathan122

becki08

I give up. I'm tired of this. Is it always going to be like this? 5 years. It's hard to believe it can ever be any different. I can't do what I want if I'm still like this. I've fought so hard to get to uni - stopped self-harming, suicide attempts etc, but I'm still depressed. What am I doing this for? I can't be a clinical psychologist if I'm depressed. Well I might be able to but it would be too hard and I wouldn't be able to do the job properly and it would effect my patients. What's really going to change in 2 years when nothing has the last 5? Counselling, medication, hospital and I'm still like this. I remembered just now that I hadn't taken my tablet yet today so I took them but as I was popping them out the packet I just wanted to go on. Over 300 of different types. But the thing is I don't know whether it would work. Or even if I'm honest if I want it to. I just want things to be better. Is that too much to ask? Yes I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight but am I not allowed to do that occassionally? Why me? I can understand if it was just one lot of bad things but lots? Yes I've done lots of bad things the last few years but what before then? What did I do to deserve feeling like this all the time? Was my sister right and I just am a bad person? I mean that's what I believe - I AM a bad person, but what did I actually DO? I'm tired of being like this. I don't want to be depressed anymore. I can't live like this forever. I don't want to commit suicide but I don't want to live like this either. Am I just fighting for something that won't happen? Will I always keep fighting but never get anywhere? And how will I know whether that's the case or not? How do I know things will change? How do I know they'll get better? It could just be I'm trying pointlessly and I might as well give up now to save myself pain. But then that's selfish. I can't do that to my family and my two friends. It wouldn't be fair of me. I know how much it hurts to lose someone and as much as sometimes I think they shouldn't care about me, I know they do and I can't do that to them. But this is hard. I'm worn out.

Becki,

You're really not a bad person - you've helped everyone here (including me) so much, and it sounds like you've been a really great friend to those around you, and I really hope that they appreciate it. I really think that it will get better for you, if for no other reason that, with the right medical help, it's almost unheard of for depression to go on forever these days. Unfortunately, I don't know when that turning point is going to come, but until it does, we're always going to be there for you.

:hugs:

We all love you very much. :lovie:

Reply 6193

vapid slut magician

becki08

What did I do to deserve feeling like this all the time? Was my sister right and I just am a bad person? I mean that's what I believe - I AM a bad person, but what did I actually DO?.

you need to try to stop thinking in those terms. I think it makes the whole thing worse and you get exponentially more depressed if you dwell on ideas of what you 'deserve' or not, and what other people have but you don't. There's no such thing as what you 'deserve', stuff just happens. It might not be comforting in that it means doing good things doesn't guarantee you a return (not that that's why you should be a good person), but it's reassuring in that you're not a bad person, you're just unlucky.

You've time to sort things out. I can't promise anything but I don't see why you won't be able to lead a happy life in the future. You may continue to be prone to the depression/anxiety spectrum, but you can cope with it and learn to enjoy life all the same.

Reply 6194

becki08

Thanks jonathon and vsm :hugs:

I don't often think about 'deserving things' etc but I guess I'm just having a self-pitying night. Will pull myself together and just put up with it yet again.

Reply 6195

starchild

15

So im off to boots after getting the job... strange. And I will put up a picture of poppy, davids lovely dog, later. Also, my new glasses are coming today or tomorrow which is kind of nice. They are pinkish (not too girly) and a kids size, oh and they are semi rimless.. woop :smile:

better than my old pair.

Hope you all have a nice day and if i get time, i'll text people on my break.

Love sitara x

Reply 6196

Nath_england

anyone else here hate being at home or at school? Sometimes I can't stand who I am and the things around me.

Reply 6197

Psyk

16

I just can't stop crying today. I feel like I don't fit in with my housemates. They all have stuff going on in there lives and I don't. I have nothing to talk about with them except how miserable I am. I'm probably just annoying them. I think the only reason I ended up being friends with them in the first place was because I was too lazy/not confident enough to find friends I have things in common with in my first year. So I just stuck around with the people in my flat.

Reply 6198

vapid slut magician

Psyk

I just can't stop crying today. I feel like I don't fit in with my housemates. They all have stuff going on in there lives and I don't. I have nothing to talk about with them except how miserable I am. I'm probably just annoying them. I think the only reason I ended up being friends with them in the first place was because I was too lazy/not confident enough to find friends I have things in common with in my first year. So I just stuck around with the people in my flat.

Have you tried picking one thing you like or are vaguely interested in and getting involved with it at uni? I'm not especially confident at talking to new people so I always get on to some kind of committee that forces me to interact with people.

Reply 6199

Psyk

16

vapid slut magician

Have you tried picking one thing you like or are vaguely interested in and getting involved with it at uni? I'm not especially confident at talking to new people so I always get on to some kind of committee that forces me to interact with people.

The problem is I'm not really interested in anything. Especially now. I think it's a bit late to start trying to make new friends at uni. I'm about half way through my 4th year. I've already been at uni longer than most people.

Depression Society MkII

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